For nearly two decades my sensitivity has been increasing for all life. Six years ago I woke at three a.m. and for some odd reason I flipped to YouTube and watched a massive bull being slaughtered.
He was majestic, powerful, and determined to live. It took five full grown men to force him into the stall, where they trapped him and slit his throat. I watched as the life drained from him.
It scarred me. I could not bring myself to eat meat afterward, especially red meat … feeling the horror of it in every fiber of me.
Today, six years after cutting meat entirely from my diet, I consumed a new york steak.
When the thought first rose in me this afternoon I asked out loud, how can I possibly eat such a thing, knowing this powerful beast wanted to live just as much as I … a powerful animal that had never consumed flesh.
The thought came to me that I needed to toughen my gentle heart, that I needed to balance the gentleness with its polarity, even if only slightly.
Again I asked aloud, how can I possibly eat this without feeling guilty? I got the impression my body needed it, the energy of it.
The answer came fairly quickly.
Eat the mighty bull … eat the mighty bull and allow its power, it’s strength, and it’s desire to live infuse with my own being.
So I stated over and over again …
Eat the Mighty Bull … Eat the Mighty Bull … bond with it’s life force and allow it to live on, through me … strengthening me.
Now, the bull and I are one.
After six years without it, it should be quite evident the effect it will have upon my being, my body, my mind, my energy.
I love the mighty bull … it is my brother, my nourisher, my sustainer … this is how I now choose to view it … with honor, and deep gratitude.
Of course … it might not sit well with me after more thought. It will be interesting to see how this progresses.
UPDATE: Every being wants to live, none wish to die. Knowing this how can I harm a being simply for my own selfish need? Even the simple purchase of it, which someone else has done the harm to, is doing a wrong against life. Compassion takes courage. Love must be cultivated in heart and include all portions of life. It will be another very long time, if ever, I consume flesh.
It is important to be aware of these “urgings” … it is a slippery slope, this line between having compassion for all life, and participating in its destruction.
Mass hypnotism and rote learning has taught us to have disregard for any life but our own.
Selfishness is bred into the mind, and it comes from the unseen as well as those who are in body supporting the narrative.
Yes, I consumed a portion of the Mighty Bull. And I thank him for giving me this current understanding, affirming my original decision to end my consumption.
The energy of the Mighty Bull is chaotic. I sense a sort of sick feeling in the pit of my stomach and my attitude has become agitated.
Now I will work towards cleansing and purifying my energetic field, drinking a lot of water … for I know not yet the techniques others utilize.
Thank you Mighty Bull, for sharing your message and desire for life with me. I will do my best to honor you.
Embrace the Energy of Peace ~ Let go of the need to defend yourself and prepare to offer peace.
If you have been exposed to a situation in which you have felt the need to protect yourself or defend what you feel is right, know that this is now coming to an end. You are being guided to know that the energies of light are entering to wash away all the darkness. You can drop your shields and protection. You are now in a situation that will honor you and honor your needs. Arguments are ending and disagreements are being resolved. Prepare to talk things through and offer the peace that you would like to enjoy. In order to move forward in a more fearless way, it’s important for you to let go of the idea that you can be hurt by this situation or the people involved, because this will only work against you. Know that your angelic guides and ancestors are standing around you, protecting you and taking you lovingly forward.
Feel Loved and Comforted ~ Allow yourself to be cherished. Mother Earth is protecting you with a shield of Love and Light.
You may have felt overwhelmed or out of control emotionally recently, but you are now moving back to your natural center and that will bring you to a place of clarity and openness. If you have felt ungrounded, know that Mother Earth is here to root you and help you regain your sense of strength. You may not feel like a child, but in the eyes of the Divine you are a child of light and it’s important you know that and feel loved.
If you have had challenges with your mother or with being a mother yourself, know that the energies of mother healing are with you to help clear any ancestral blockages that are preventing you from making this scared love connection. You are being guided to make choices that are based on love.
Call upon the elements. Focus your intentions. The greatest dragon is within you.
Right now I look to the Spirit within and I feel my inner power. I call upon the forces of nature for even more strength and direction. I will not waver from the task at hand for this is my time. I will go forth with courage and I will succeed, for life and power are on my side.
Strength is gentle. True kindness has wings. Love in action endures.
Today I will let kindness grow in me. I will be gentle with myself and give my soul the love it deserves. I will focus on everlasting love and let it gently flow into the world. I am alive, my gratitude knows no bounds, and my heart now overflows with love and kindness.
Your dreams have chosen you. Find fulfillment in pursuing your destiny. This is the magic of life.
Today I will take time for the dreamer in me. I will remember that my dreams have a purpose and were given to me for a reason. I will not be misled by the opinions and doubts of others, for this is my journey and only I can know the way. I will focus on taking tiny steps toward my dreams and I will never give up.
Focus on how far you have come, not how far you have to go. You will find help in unexpected places.
I am a beautiful, courageous traveler on a journey toward ultimate happiness. Today I am grateful for how far I have come and how much I’ve been given. I am grateful for the companions I find along the trail. I will remember that I have been placed on this Earth to discover what I really want to do and to be true to myself. I will find my own way and I will live my dream.
Live with compassion. Open your heart to all life forms. Be an angel with hands.
Today I will do the right thing, even if no one is watching. I will remember that everyone is fighting some kind of battle and I will show compassion. Life is filled with opportunities to be kind and today, right now, I will be the one who lifts others higher.
Listen to your heart. Embrace what makes you happy. There are one million reasons to love.
Today I will love. Before I talk I will listen. Before I criticize I will forgive. Before I judge I will think. I remember that after all of this is over, the only thing that will really count is how we treated each other and how much we have loved.
Your dreams have untold energy. N the door and let them live. Desire and belief are your power.
Today I acknowledge that my life is expanding and new doors are opening. I will let go of unwanted past experiences, forgive, and be grateful for the lessons learned. I will be filled with a vision of everything that I want my life to be, do, and have, and let the magic happen. I give thanks in advance for all the blessings on their way.
Reading from the deck Magical Times Empowerment Ted by Jody Bergsma
Know that what is happening around you is divinely inspired. Learn from your current experiences, then share them with others.
There is a Great Teacher in your life, or within you. Either way, you have dedicated a lot of time, effort and energy to understanding yourself and the world. You are having spiritual experiences at this time and gaining a greater awareness of what you need to do in order to grow. There is a great chance that if you’ve been having any challenges recently, you’ve surmounted them and allowed them to be the vehicles to lessons that are helping your spiritual connection. If you feel that you’ve received messages from heaven or the universe recently, this is confirmation that these have indeed been holy experiences.
Enjoy Growth and Reap Rewards
Reap what you have sown and enjoy the fruits of your labor. Grow and expand in all areas of your life.
Fertility, growth and abundance are all imminent. All the seeds you have planted are coming to life and there are plenty more rewards to come. In a material sense, this could mean financial security and comfort – there will be more than enough to go around. If you are making business deals or setting intentions to create financial growth, there is indication a considerable amount of monetary success is coming. Other forms of abundance may be arriving – opportunities, marriage proposals and even the birth of a child. You are being helped to respect nature and connect with its forces in order to have a genuinely supported journey through life.
Reading from the deck “Angels and Ancestors” oracle cards created by Kyle Gray
“She took me deep into her night and her fog. She tried to break me on her demonic altar.
But I told her No.
And she listens to my No, when I infuse it with all of my conviction and my heart.
On the dividing line between sanity and madness, life and death, love and loss, I found myself finally, learned the lessons my father could never teach me. He abandoned me to the darkness so I had to find my own way. How to love. How to breathe, how to surrender to the breath. How to trust. How to stay kind. And how to keep walking, even when death is close.
That is trauma, you see, my love, the sense that you’re on the edge of oblivion, about to disappear, when in reality you’re not, and you’re safe but you’re hurting and you find no relational haven in time or the world. That sense of doom and the overwhelm of the night. The absence of all empathy.
But No. No. You are not her meat. You are not her prey, her collateral damage. This screaming in your head may be loud but thoughts shall not define you and will not hurt you as you learn to embrace them, even laugh at them through the night.
I have learned this the hard way. I have passed through the hell realms where the brain seems close to madness and the body is on somatic fire. I have learned to give myself to the night so she cannot take me by force. This is the secret of all healing, I tell you.
I will not be her victim any longer. I have found power in my powerlessness, victory in the ego’s failure. My strength lies in my willingness to shatter for love and for the goodness of things. Her night will not devour me; I shall devour it first, in trust.
Like you, I have felt the wild heart pounding and the terrible heat generated by the body, and the sweat and the constrictions and the tremors of primordial arousal. I have felt the contractions in the belly, and the numbness and the tingles in the arms and legs and the way we sometimes feel like we are falling into oblivion and all things are coming to an end. I have known it all and I know now, finally, finally, it is God. I have given up the fight against life, surrendered to the power of my very own body, my healing temple. I tell my heart to beat faster, harder, to beat out of my chest, and it does. I tell the heat to rise to a peak, and I tell the tremors to intensify as much as they need to. I invite the storm so it does not end me. I beg the anxiety to increase. I beg the terror to do its worst. I know nothing can break me except my own refusal to live. I know I am stronger than I would ever believe.
I have told my nervous system to show me its terrifying healing power. I have relaxed into my own sweat and flesh and pounding. I have given myself willingly to the night and to the darkness, to her convulsions and contractions, I have become one with her and she has become one with me. Entered the death realm, was sucked into the heart of trauma, it was not happening to me but alongside me and with me and through me and it was finally a part of me and I was bigger than it all at last. And I was no victim, no helpless child, but the life force – yes, the fucking LIFE FORCE – that created a billion universes with energy to spare, with playful laughter and wild abandon and a twinkle in its eye.
Vibrating with warm energy, shivering with awe, I open my eyes again. I see you now.
Hello, my love.
The worst has happened and I am alive. We are alive. Terror as portal. Yes, terror as portal. We are here.
I have gone deep into her night and fog and I have found only a stronger version of myself, and I know this is possible for you too. I tell her not to break me and she does not. She listens, she does, when I talk with the fullness of my being, with a courageous heart, and with all my authenticity. She will listen to you too.
Do not fear the night, my love, do not fear her fog and her contractions, do not run when the dark material emerges and do not panic at the point of utter helplessness for that is the healing point. The eye of the storm will inoculate you. Her darkness will strengthen you if you let it, and she will show you things the daytime knows nothing of.
Trust the night! For she is you, you see – your own dark warrior heart, your own ache and longing for safety, and warmth, and home…