I did many things. All that I embodied, I teach in woman on fire. One thing I did was I started hanging out with people that made me uncomfortable with how happy they were.
Not people who wanted something from me. Not people who distracted me awhile from my own shit, by always having a bigger catastrophe.
I started being with people who dwelled in possibility.
Who had no limit to the fun they had in their lives. To the love.
No unending pain. No sob story. Just ease.
They treated me well, which made me feel on edge. I was no longer being used by others, heavily leaned on, my boundaries weren’t always being obliterated by an immediate need of someone else.
Could I trust that? Did I want that?
I did not feel worthy.
I thought it was only a matter of time until they realized I was full of shit. I was some shaken broken being.
There was no passive aggressiveness.
So I was either bored, uncomfortable, or a little of both.
It was incredibly confronting.
Pretty soon they would realize I was NOT one of them. I was, “The Other.”
Depressed. Trauma in my background. Confusion. Self-esteem was shaky.
But they did not see that in me.
They saw and loved my essence. They helped me begin to trust myself. Trust them.
I forced myself out of the house. Into the hearts and lives of others.
I forced myself to get out of my head, which was very frightening in the early stages of depression.
To grow, you must sit with the discomfort of being with powerful people.
People who are not sad all the time.
People who are not living in regret.
People who embrace who they are and speak up.
People who are not apologetic about what is healthiest for them.
People who when they don’t like something, tell you to your face.
People who are CREATING their lives instead of reacting to their lives. Showing you it’s truly possible to do the impossible.
There will be plenty of people in arrested development:
trying to smoke
complain away their lives.
You cannot surround yourself with them.
You get to be with ones that can make you jealous by how much they decide they get to have.
In woman on fire we use jealousy as a tool for intimacy. We name it, claim it, so it doesn’t get in the way. It actually becomes a GIFT to the person receiving it. What is possible when we all are showing up fully is more good than we ever thought possible.
To letting in the good. You don’t have to push it away anymore.
I called the seller and was told it was a cash only offer and that “I’m sure that takes you off the table”.
Don’t you ever underestimate a hard working black man. I saw the house last week and when I walked in I knew I was home.
The house was built in 1820 for the Russell family who owned the cotton mill in town. Slavery was still legal. When the agent asked me why I wanted such a large house I said it was “a generational move”.
I know this house is bigger than me. I wish I could’ve told my ancestors when they were breaking their back in 1820 to build this house that 200 years later a free gay black man was going to own it and fill it with love and find a way to say their name even when 200 years later they still thought I would be “off the table”.
We are building our own tables.
I’ve never been prouder to be a black man.
Come to my White House any time. I can’t wait to have you! Glory to God in the highest.
Surround yourself with people who talk at you, instead of with you. People whose problems always seem worse than yours.
Those that like to hear themselves talk. Who use you as a sounding board. They are always facing something they need to get off their chest.
Surround yourself with people who always have a new pain they need you for. Using your touch, your energy, as a way to reduce their discomfort.
Caretake their needs. They need more help than you do, you rationalize. Therefore you never have too many emotional needs. You never ask for help, for you can see how lonely Needy Vulnerable Other people are.
Let yourself s*xually and/or emotionally give to them, as a service. It is too hard creating boundaries. You don’t mind just being who people need you to be at all times.
How depressed people stay depressed, is by never getting angry. Always bending over backwards and being flexible.
Choosing loved ones that mimic dad or mom. People who ignore Invalidate Who you are. People that lean too hard on you at all times.
Have an ex lover? Or someone you are interested in? Stay energetically open to connecting with them, even when the relationship is unclear or unhealthy. When it gets in the way of you trusting and deepening with someone else.
Have frequent daily reminders of this relationship around, always taking you out of the present moment. Unconsciously making you hope for or live for the possibility of connecting with them.
Keep photos of the past, the ones who have died to you literally or metaphorically. Do not replace them with photos that reflect what is true today.
Live in a mental graveyard of the dead. Of regret. What happened always making you fear what COULD happen.
Love people who do not really care too much either way. Who encourage your addictions to suffering and loss of self, because they get something out of it. Because you have more focus and energy on them, when you do not treat yourself all that great. They can always get what they want when you don’t honor who you are.
It is easy to be a master at being depressed, especially during the aftermath of continual attack and murders of people of color. We are also facing the numbers of deaths crawling back up from the virus. You must, MUST, be even more diligent on owning your energetic boundaries Asking for help. Getting good help. Being with people who see you, instead of use you as an escape. Be with people that you cannot escape with because they want to look into your eyes and feel you really looking back.
Do not stay in the cozy prison of your numbness. It will only get worse there. Get help, even if you do not know what to say. Let people love you, by speaking up. Let people see you, by letting yourself be seen.
Depression makes you think no one really cares all that much anyway. So why bother? The truth is the world deeply cares. Especially the moment you decide you are worthy of being cared for.
There are four main types of spiritual crisis or down-cycle events in metamorphosis that need to be clearly understood to prevent unnecessary suffering and secondary backlash:
LIGHTNING: This is a terror event of intense energy pouring up and into the body similar to a euphoric inner-conjunction of spiritual activation, but in this case it is an inner-conjunction of feeling great discomfort, anxiety, pain or fear. Here we descend deeply into our matter and flesh and experience inner fears or energy blockages, or experience external anxiety with no apparent cause. We may be accessing buried parts of our Unconscious Mind or cellular memories that are embedded in our bodies. This “negative” inner-conjunction mostly occurs during one’s first initial awakening stages which can help to surface hidden fears or pain located in the Pain Body. This terror or fear is the polar opposite to the spontaneous bliss awakening in a neophyte-body at the early Soul initiations for those that are unfamiliar with such intensity of Expanding Consciousness and energy.
SHOCK: White Death, or autonomic shock in the CNS that occurs immediately after a mystical or ecstatic experience with kundalini spiritual activation. That is the contraction and toxic overload after a significant opening to the extreme bliss of a euphoric inner-conjunction event or a spiritual initiation stage into a higher frequency or level of the Lightbody. Sometimes in this stage a person can feel numb, apathetic or in a void.
SELF-DIGESTION: Then there are the die-offs of toxins or waste which are a catabolic breakdown of the former structures through apoptosis due to oxidation by free radicals and then phagocytosis by the macrophages. This is a physical event and a spiritual-energetic event. Thus, one can experience a cleansing cycle similar to a detoxification through the elimination channels of the body. Detoxification at all levels of the body occurs, including a mental and emotional detoxification of the Pain Body and Ego/Personality. Changes in the hormonal structure, and endocrine functions. This is also the process of Ego Death.
BURNOUT: Lastly there is the exhaustion phase of the overall spiritual awakening cycle where the body’s resources of neurotransmitters, hormones, and nutrients have been used up in the climb to the escalation heights of the spiritual awakening peak. During exhaustion depression arises, yet there is permanent bliss or peace giving the sense of being dissociated from the depression.
So dear friends – and there comes more…..Love and Light is GREAT- but FIRST you go through this ALL and SURVIVE and THEN you can talk about Ascension……Sorry, but this is Truth – I have had to realize that humans can`t be just helped with “sugar” and “sweeties.
So – how many of you have experienced this??? Ready for more??
Dissolving the 3D Personality
The incarnated station of our identity that was our personality matrix, the aspect that was enmeshed with the lower three dimensional frequencies, is also dissolving. This equates to the dissolution of our personality matrix or station of identity that was located in the lower three dimensions, and moving that aspect of our identity into the higher frequency bands of our Soul matrix or higher station of identity.
What happens to the people on the earth who believe that they are only their personality identity, when it begins to dissolve? We can see the effects of that consciousness shift now in the global scape. The range of experience for some people is from sensations of great anxiety, stress, and mental confusion all the way to the descent into madness and insane behaviors. Most people are not aware they are losing Coherence, and are unaware of the causality of what is actually influencing the way they think and behave.
The lower dimensional contents that exist in the planetary collective consciousness fields are undergoing massive reconfigurations in multiple ways. This energetic change in the 3D reality has reached critical mass, which means it is greatly impacting all people of the earth.
Whether asleep or awake, the self-mastery that has been either lost or gained is measured in how you personally deal with stress and chaos. No person on this earth is exempt from the exposure to the massive fields of chaos, confusion and darkness that exist in the collective mind of humanity.
During this time, our inner energetic integrity is tested in order to hold neutrality, while facing the great forces of chaos. This is being tested in every person, just from the mere fact of being on the earth at this time.
How well are we able to adapt to change and hold neutrality in every kind of stressful situation?
We have to measure our competency level now. If we are not doing well with adaptability, flexibility and neutrality in our life situation, we must make adjustments to gain strength with this skill set.
This is the time to take stock of how well we are coping with the madness of the earth, as the collective mind of humanity travels the Dark Night of the Soul. What does this take and what is being asked of us? All people must take responsibility for the quality of their thoughts, behaviors, actions, as all consciousness that is created has a direct cause and effect.
A bit more about the Dark night of the soul with more “practical advices” how to handle the symptoms.
Suggestions to Support Ego Death
Relax as much as possible in the down-cycle, Surrender and allow the process of the Dark Night. Make yourself comfortable without suppressing symptoms, without escaping to run away or propping yourself up with distractions and stimulants.
A spiritual die-off is a free radical storm which may induce stress. De-stress and take good care of your body, potentially consume superfoods or doses of antioxidants for protection. Also if guided, take support supplements, essential oils that help the thyroid (kelp, nettle leaf), the adrenals (licorice, Vitamin C), the nerves (Vitamin Bs, ) and the hormones (ginseng, gotu kola).
Drink at least 10 glasses of water a day, and take a bath to re-hydrate potentially in salt baths. The body has a huge demand for water and Biochemic Cell Salts during a die-off phase, detoxification and spiritual activation.
If one is accelerated in full detoxification of toxin die-off, one may experience Ascension Symptoms like Ascension flu. The immune system is essentially dismantling the body and all one can do is rest in bed, and not eat much of anything.
It’s best not to eat while the body is in catabolic breakdown mode, or digestion will draw energy away from the transmutation of the flesh and your resurrection will not be as complete. One may create toxicity and tissue damage if you work against the natural break-down cycle and ignore the bodies request for rest, cleansing or fast.
Now we come to the last part
The symptoms of psychospiritual crises represent a manifestation and exteriorization of the deep dynamics of the human psyche and Consciousness. The individual human psyche is a multidimensional consciousness and multilevel system with no internal divisions and boundaries. We cannot, therefore, expect to find clearly defined and demarcated types of spiritual emergency.
I will first present a list of the most important varieties of psychospiritual crises as identified and then briefly discuss each of them tomorrow:
1. Shamanic crisis 2. Awakening of Kundalini 3. Episodes of unitive consciousness (Maslow’s “peak experiences”) 4. Psychological renewal through return to the center (John Perry) 5. Crisis of psychic opening 6. Past-life experiences 7. Communication with spirit guides and “channeling” 8. Near-death experiences (NDEs) 9. Close encounters with UFOs and alien abduction experiences 10. Possession states 11. Alcoholism and drug addiction.