Pain. It can drown a person. It will stuff them into a deep, dark, moist pit of a well, with smooth walls and no ladder or rope, a hell. The emotional darkness can become overwhelming. How long we decide to stay is up to us. Expanding beyond the trauma, to encompass it rather than being drowned by it is a challenge. It feels like dying, because it is. A dying of that which was, in order to expand into something, someone, new. Over and over again, this expansion occurs, Until finally the pain is surrounded, encompassed. Now, outside of the pain, you can see it more clearly. And dismantling it, healing it, becomes possible. But first, Death. And courage, To face a new dawn.
Starting each day I shall remember to communicate my joy as well as my despair so that we can know each other better.
I shall remind myself to really listen to you and to try to hear your point of view, and discover the least threatening way of giving you mine, remembering that we both are growing and changing in a hundred different ways.
I shall remind myself that I am a human being and not demand perfection from you until I am perfect…..so….you’re safe…….
Here we are, between worlds. Stagnant are we, waiting to see what direction this river will take.
Will it flow?
Will it get jammed, as in a winter rage?
Will it dry up?
Will it create a new path?
I need not know. I need not know the players. I need not know my role. I need not know who’s right or who’s wrong, or how it ends.
I need not know what I deserve, or the fate of any other.
I release the dream and I step forth into a new reality, whatever that may be.
May the collection of life’s challenges be remembered as I pull from the strength gained thru them, resilient, persistent, determined … determined to live as happy as I am able despite those who would snuff the promise of reward.
I release the dream, while it still lives.
If it’s meant for me it will be.
After all, everything experienced, everything, can be used to shoot the arrow forward, or break the bow.
She with the courageous heart and the wild soul. She who says, “This is me. This is who I am.”
She wasn’t always this way.
For many years she was hidden away. Revealing herself fully only in the words of her journal and in her closest friendships. Showing up in her truth only when she felt safe enough to be vulnerable.
But now she’s changed. From her appearance to her writing, she’s a whole different woman.
SHE’S THE WOMAN WHO WAS WAITING INSIDE OF HER ALL ALONG.
It was not easy for her, this transformation. She didn’t just step into this embodied self the way you would gracefully step up a staircase.
She had to go deep inside of herself to find this version of herself.
She dug and descended. Explored and excavated. Re-membered, re-defined and re-birthed.
And now here she stands: Battle weary. Flawed. Tender.
She’s cried countless tears and faced many shadows. But it doesn’t take much to see there’s something different about her.
What is it? Can you feel it?
Yes that’s it…
IT’S NOT SO MUCH HOW SHE LOOKS. IT’S WHAT SHE’S EMANATING.
She’s grounded in her Wisdom. Firm in her Strength. And rooted in her Truth.
She may look like she’s been to hell and back, and in many ways she has, but the raging fire only devoured everything about her that was no longer true.
And what was left behind after all the layers of untruths were burned to the ground was her true essence.
She’s rising out of the ashes now, this Phoenix woman. She’s orienting her life to who she has become.
It’s all brand new to her and she’s far from having it all figured out. But little by little, she’s finding out exactly what it means to be a Sovereign Woman.”
In life I have learned not to take things too seriously. The slanderous rumors, the defamation of character, the theft and willingness to keep anything of value from me, life was one of scarcity, trial and tribulation. Friendless, partnerless … and the world did it’s best to break me. You can probably relate.
In my experience, i didn’t take anything too seriously, for to do so would be to relinquish the open mindedness required for solution creation. Or so it felt.
These days folks are going to need to learn to take it a little more seriously. Recognition is afoot. Your essence and effort is noted, and a reward, or new role and compensation may soon arrive.
Teaching the youth, molding minds … it begins with one’s own personal mental and emotional stability. If there isn’t stability, chaos will be the result.
You’re going to need to be an steady now. You’re coming into leadership. The time of childish frivolity may be over, unless it’s recess time. 😉
You know how many times I’ve been told I’d never make it on my own? That I lacked what it took to care for self? Many. And I said piss the f off!! And at times I survived on top ramen and baked potatoes, but I actually really love baked potatoes and top ramen. Public transportation … bicycle transport … sleeping on the floor in a sparsely furnished apartment .. for a time even, houseless, sleeping in my car. f-them. Freedom often doesn’t look extravagant. But it’s priceless and worth fighting for.
They target the mind, filling it with jargon and trash. They need you in agreement with whatever storyline they give you. They need you to agree to your own limitations, your helpless inability to affect positive change. They need you to rely on them to tell you who you are and what you are capable of.
Stop confirming their lies, their made-up storyline about you! Don’t agree, or take on as truth the bullshit word magic spoken over you and your life to make you small or break you, to minimize you.
They take your song, the blessing of God given essence, coded particularly with your own self for personal expression in this world, and they change the notes, the tune, the tempo. And they’ll rewrite it occasionally, rescript you .. f them bishes.
Some folks can’t stand to see you shine.
They’ll demand you utilize this shiny goodness to fulfill their wishes and demands.
Man!! A friggen TREE is friendlier than many family members or “friends”.
They broke your heart, did the utmost to destroy you. You extracted yourself. Now their life is falling apart. They say they’ve learned their lesson. Want to return.
We don’t go backward. Grateful folks are learning their lessons, but if they’re going backward, they’re asking to repeat a cycle.
Growth comes from forward momentum. Not regressive return to trauma, thinking it’s “fixed”.
Sometimes the “reason” folks come together is a “lesson” … not a “lifetime”.
Release.
“Ritual” helps set intention in the mind, in one’s essence. Dressing one’s self in intention isn’t scary, it’s helpful, and sacred.
When I was a girl, my dogs and I would go strolling through the wilderness. Whenever we’d come across a snake, they would paw and dig furiously at it, finally picking it up in mouth and flinging it out into the forest somewhere.
Dog :: reminding us of what is important in an upside-down world.
As I was half dozing last night/this morning, I was thinking about the thought forms in the collective field … those viruses of shame, guilt, anger, lust, those ideas we aren’t good enough, or worthy, those thoughts encouraging folks to think lowly of self, to hate self, to want to end self … and I called on the holy canine to sweep the collective field, rousting out these snakes and doing their thing to clear them.
I woke to near silence.
May all who work so diligently on behalf of the Divine, the Sacred called Life flowing within all beings and things, be blessed abundantly, surrounded by the Might of the Most High, protected, guarded and guided as they move in this world.
I accidentally took the wrong exit, and I thought, “oh my goodness! I just got my self lost!”, and I was thrown back into that nostalgic moment of youth, and the excitement of it, how I would fill the tank and purposefully get myself lost so I could spend the day finding myself. I said, “oh Heavenly Father! This is going to be fun!”, because I know I need to find my way and I was going to do it without GPS and just so happen to have a full tank of gasoline.
Then I thought about my life and how dark it was in spots and how miserable and how completely lost I felt and alone and afraid and I suffered and I wondered if the me who walked into this life ~ did she have the same excitement about being lost, and having the opportunity to find herself, as I just have?
opensenseme 