All posts in the Family category

Grief Groceries

Published June 2, 2023 by tindertender

Hi Hugh,

A friend died, and I want to be helpful to his wife, but I’m not sure what to do. I told her that if she needed anything to let me know. Of course, she thanked me, but it’s been a few days now and she hasn’t asked for anything. I don’t think she will. I feel so helpless. What should I do?


Hey there, [Redacted]. Thanks for writing. I’m really glad your friend has you in her life.

I get it. Grief is a funny thing. It’s the time in our life when we most need help, and also the time when asking for help is so hard. Not because we are ashamed to ask for help, although that happens sometimes too. But mostly because our brain just sort of shuts down.

When my Dad died, I looked functional. But I wasn’t OK. Not at all. And when the news got out, the ton of people flooding me with calls, texts, and DM’s was overwhelming. I really couldn’t function. I sat on the swing in our yard and just stared into space. People called and asked what they could do to help. I had no idea.

“Well, anything you need at all, let me know, OK?”


They hung up. I stared into space some more.

I had no idea what to do. What I needed. I didn’t even know what to ask for.

Then a friend sent a text. This friend had met Dad once but didn’t really know him. But still, she knew I was hurting. I saw who it was and almost put the phone down without reading the text, but I saw the message and it stopped me:

Will you be home at 8:30 tonight?

What’s weird is this friend lives 12 hours away from me.

Yes, I replied.


10 minutes later, she said, “Instacart will be there at 8:30. Open the door for them.”


“Grief Groceries.”

When Instacart showed up, they put two large bags of groceries on my porch. Frozen pizzas. Ice cream. Oreo cookies. Tinned soup. Stouffer’s lasagna. A gallon of milk. Like that. Things I could heat up if I needed a meal, or pig out on if I needed fat and sugar. Sometimes, you just need to eat half a box of Oreos.

Notice she didn’t ask if I needed any food. I would have said no. She just asked if I would be home.

Grief groceries.

Another friend, who lives out of town, asked Renee to name a restaurant near our house where we like to eat. There is a local chain near our house that is sort of a deli. When we eat supper there, we spend about $25. Renee told her the name of the place.

An hour later, there was a gift card in my inbox for $250. Yes, that is a lot of money, and I understand not everyone can do that. But the wonderful thing was that because it was enough for multiple meals, we didn’t try to save it for “the right time”. We ate there that night, and take out from there several times a week for the next month on nights when I just didn’t have the spoons to cook.

Both of those gift-givers knew something I didn’t know – that when you are grieving, you don’t want to make decisions. No, that’s not quite it: You can’t make decisions. You hit decision fatigue really fast.

So, I guess what I’m saying is, don’t ask grieving people to make big choices or decisions. “How can I help” is a big choice. But “Can I take the kids this afternoon so you can have some time to yourself” is a much smaller one. “Will you be home tonight?” is a small choice. “What restaurant do you like” is a small decision. Just showing up to cut their grass because you noticed it needed cutting is loads better than asking, “Do you want me to cut the grass?” Or, “I’m going to Target. What can I get you while I’m there?” is better than “Can I run any errands for you?”

It won’t always be like this. If you stick around, eventually they will surface and ways to be helpful will make themselves known. But in the first few days, especially, it helps to remove as many decisions from their plate as possible.

Take care,


SHE on the Tip of Her Tongue

Published May 12, 2023 by tindertender

We are calling
the Grandmothers, Mothers,
Sisters, Aunts, Daughters
The Wild Women
The Crones
The seers & midwives
The mountain & desert women
The soul summoners
The water carriers
The tenders & feelers of Earth
The ocean women who are rising the tide
The fire women who are ready to roar
The girls who already breathe consciously with the trees
and the elders who choose to sing the song
that ends the desecration of our world.

We are calling you to to RISE together now.

You are invited to unite & awaken
to who, what you really are,
on behalf of the forests,
on behalf of the trees,
on behalf of Life.

~ Clare Dubois

Art by Annas Breath
IG: @annasbreath

Marriage: Merging Bloodlines

Published April 5, 2023 by tindertender

It never really struck me until the ”dream” I had about it two nights ago.

Two fathers, One with 4 daughters, One with several sons … 5?

The fathers were investigating the bloodline, considering if it were worth connecting and interbreeding within.

I figure at least 1 daughter will merge with the others son.

For some families, bloodlines, this consideration is critical. Are they of good stock? Are they well to do? How do they conduct themselves, in public and private? Are they clean? Are they respectable? Are they held in high esteem? Are they of force? Or Power? Are they pure, as in having innocence? This is the family line we’re talking about after all.

In other places, it’s about loooove …. Falling in love, uniting bloodlines, falling out of love, separating.
Falling in love again, uniting bloodlines, falling out of love, separating. And so on.

Cording …

When I think of this, women who have perhaps 3 or 4 children with different men, and men who father children with different women … I think about all the bloodlines that individual and those created by the union, can actually birth into. Gets messy if you’re into reincarnation. The controllers probably none too happy about the mess.

How to correct it?

Eliminate those who are of messy bloodlines, move them into a separate realm.


Patented technology, and the good ol’ fashioned way of transition.

Bloodlines are important for offspring and generations to come.

But in some places it’s not about wealth or blood or status or stature… it’s about that oh so sweet and mostly fleeting thing called “love” … which many mistake as lust.

How to clean up the bloodlines?

Unravel time, reconstruct it. Allow vibrational/generational patterns to magnetize to their specific match.

Here’s a catch tho…

Before we were birthed into this material body, we Were already. From whence did we come? What bloodlines were those? Our origins. “Before” this dense body/mind set.

Remembering the dream.

LOOP ~ Team Infinity

Published February 13, 2023 by tindertender




Why do they speed up all their plans?
Why do they change a winning strategy into a dangerous one?
Why expose yourself so much and more and more?
THEY KNOW what’s coming for this they run.
So who is the prey us or them?



Don’t be fooled by the fake alien invasion. Our family collective is coming soon. They want you to fear them. Do not give into these manufactured crises. We will be enlivening and healing this world when our beloveds arrive. These crisis actors are going away. And all these crisis are planned by those who will soon be gone. Remain calm, they require your fear for their magic to work.

Best Friend

Published January 28, 2023 by tindertender

They tell you not to cry.
They tell you he’s just a dog, not a human.
They tell you it will pass.
They tell you that animals do not know that they must die.
They tell you that the important thing is not to make them suffer.
They tell you that you can get another one.
They tell you it will happen.
They tell you there are more unbearable pains.
But they don’t know how many times you’ve looked your dog in the eye.
They don’t know how many times it was you and your dog that looked in the dark.
They don’t know how many times your dog was the only one by your side.
They don’t know that the only one who hasn’t judged you is your dog.
They don’t know how scared you were the night his moans woke you up.
They don’t know how many times your dog has slept next to you.
They don’t know how much you’ve changed since the dog became a part of your life.
They don’t know how many times you hugged him when he was sick.
They don’t know how many times you pretended not to see when his hair was getting whiter and whiter.
They don’t know how many times you’ve talked to your dog, the only one who really listens to you.
They don’t know how good you were to your dog.
Little do they know that only your dog knew you were in pain.
They don’t know what it’s like to see your old dog trying to come over and say hello.
They don’t know that when things go wrong, the only one who isn’t gone is your dog.
They don’t know that your dog trusts you, every moment of his life, even at the last moment.
They don’t know how much your dog loved you and how little he needed to be happy, because you were enough for him.
They don’t know that crying for a dog is one of the noblest, most meaningful, truest and purest things you can do.
They don’t know about the last time you rocked him hard… being careful not to hurt him.
They don’t know what you felt when you caressed his face in the last moments of his life.


Published January 17, 2023 by tindertender

This is extremely difficult, yet sometimes necessary for healing.

Love them but stay away if they no longer add up, not all mothers and fathers love and defend, some only fight for their personal ideals, there are families so hurtful and harmful that distance becomes the only enemy. There are relatives who betray, who steal, speak badly, gossip and envy us, there are relatives who want to see you well, but will never want to see you better than they, who gather to speak ill of you and console themselves by making you look bad from the movie, who make sides to discredit you, thinking that they are better than you that way. There are families that are only there for us when it suits them and to continue using us in the name of the blood that unites us, it is important to reflect, let us also stop romanticizing the family, the couple, the parents, the siblings, we need to grow, evolve, heal… set limits.

It is necessary to see the shadow, the dark side of our tree and have the strength to get away from what has harmed us, we have to be our priority and stop suffering from relatives who only steal our energy, each one who takes care of their life, recognize them, but don’t be part of their wounds, their anger, their abandonment, their hypocrisy, their manipulation.

~ Author Inknown

Sending Blessings!!

Published November 24, 2022 by tindertender

Since I don’t really want to say “Happy Thanksgiving” to my indigenous friends and family, I’ll say instead,

My wish for you this day is happiness. I hope you are able to enjoy time with, and a meal with, those you love.

Today, my father is coming for a meal. We have a lot to discuss about our future. I am excited as our relationship is blossoming more than I had ever hoped it would.

I wish you love. I wish you abundance. I wish you joy. I wish you peace.

I love you.

A Parents Worst Nightmare …

Published November 20, 2022 by tindertender

… Losing a child and having to bury them.

A man lost his son and couldn’t bare the thought of living without him. He was suffering and couldn’t believe his son was gone. He cried and cried every day and night, missing his son, wishing things were different.

He couldn’t sleep and hadn’t slept in a long time. One night an old medicine man came to him in a dream and told him “Enough!! That’s enough crying!!” The dad told him “I cannot stop, I am never going to see him again!” The old Medicine man said, “Do you want to see him again?” The dad says “yes of course” the old medicine man takes him to the entrance of happy hunting ground where he sees many little beautiful children, so happy and innocent, carrying eagle feathers into the happy hunting grounds, smiling and laughing and just so beautiful. The dad asks “where is my son? Who are these kids?” The old medicine man said “these are the children that are called home early, they are innocent and loved and they go right through to the happy hunting grounds, so happy” the dad says “and my son? Where is he? Why isn’t he with these children?”

The old medicine man said, “come this way” and guided him to the side of entrance. A small boy with a beautiful smile was standing there watching all the children enter the happy hunting grounds. He was standing there within reach of an eagle’s feather. His dad grabbed him and hugged him, and the boy kissed his dads’ cheeks and told him he missed him. The dad said “why don’t you have a eagles feather like the other kids? Why are you waiting here at the entrance?”

The boy said “I keep trying to get the eagle feather Daddy, but your tears pull it out of reach. I see you are so sad, and I am tied to that feeling so I wait here until you’re ok” the dad burst out crying for the last time, he told his son, “Get that eagle feather and go, I will be ok, and I know you will be too.”

Don’t cry too long for that loved one you lost, whether son, daughter, husband, mother or father!! Let them rest in peace, don’t torment your life, because they won’t come back, have faith that you will be together again, and that Creator makes us a beautiful home with all our loved ones when we leave this world.

Be There, Be Aware, Caring

Published October 26, 2022 by tindertender

Be aware of the bigger picture as it is, not just the desire behind action … what do people really need? Is it truly what we desire to give, or is it something else?

Years ago I was a struggling single woman. My mother asked what I wanted for Christmas. I said, “If you really want to do something for me, pay my PGE bill.” She got pissed and said, “I’m not giving you MONEY!!” And she bought me something I had absolutely no need for, it was useless to me.

She also got mad when I told her I wasn’t doing Christmas one year because of no money. She said haughtily, “You have a credit card don’t you?” And I was flabbergasted that she wanted me to go hundreds of dollars in debt with interest so I could buy people things they wouldn’t need or like.

I never understood that holiday…. Although these days I may find reason to get myself something nice.


Published October 6, 2022 by tindertender

We are patient.
We are kind.
We take no shit.
Be with us.
Or be against us.
Power in choice.
We create our reality.
With a little help from our friends,
Or separation and destruction from our adversary.

Will you be steered by the adversary, or drawn to family who loves you?

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