All posts tagged Relationship

Emotional Maturity

Published October 7, 2022 by tindertender

Written by: @Theholisticpsyc

A child who wasn’t able to emotionally develop, becomes the adult who: takes everything personally, is highly defensive, & struggles to voice what they actually feel.


Our emotional development happens beginning at birth & through childhood, where we learn: how to identify and regulate our emotions.

Emotional maturity comes from this process.

In order to learn this, we need to be modeled it by a parent figure.

If we’re raised in a home where we are parentified (made to be the emotional caretaker for a parent), where a parent is too busy or overworked, or where a parents rage or emotional instability runs the climate of the home— we don’t get to emotionally develop.

The sole focus becomes staying safe in the environment.

So, we cope with hypervigilance.

Hypervigilance is the attunement to the environment. Meaning, we sense everyone else’s emotions or shift in facial expressions or behavior.

We know when a parents mood is going to shift & how that will impact us, when we might be blamed or shamed, or when a parent might withdraw from us completely (ie: the silent treatment.)

We learn & adapt quickly to caretaking the emotions of those around us. Or managing those emotions the best we can as children.

Sometimes this is mistaken as empathy— it’s not.

It’s a survival mechanism.

Long term hypervigilance creates nervous system dysregulation.

We become high reactive to those around us because we’ve learned that people are not safe & we must defend ourselves.

Everything feels personal, because at one time in our lives: it was.

With our awareness on the external, this leaves little time for self awareness, self reflection, or emotional regulation.

The result: we are emotionally immature.

Unable to know what we feel, how to express it, or if it’s even ok to feel what we feel (many of us have been shamed for our emotions: “stop being dramatic,” “don’t be so sensitive” “man up.”)

In earliest years we were made responsible for adult emotions.

This is never the role of a child.


Published August 31, 2022 by tindertender

Love is giving someone the ability to destroy you, but trusting them not to.

Yet they try … time and time again.

True Love allows people to show their authentic selves. It can hurt, yes, but it’s a service many of us provide.

When people are not authentic, when they are master manipulators, giving them the reins shows us their authenticity.

It’s the back door to hidden behaviors.

One way or the other, people will …


Published March 4, 2022 by tindertender

It has been said that if you give with the expectation of receiving something in return then it’s not really a gift from the heart or out of love.

Yet when one party is always giving, the other always taking, there is imbalance. The relationship is not healthy.

So the gift giving stops.

The relationship ends.

It has proven itself to be unsustainable in its current form.

When ones cup is being depleted without care of return then the exchange must stop. Not because of the lack of receiving, but because of the lack of care.

I fill your cup, you fill mine.

Otherwise, we simply are not good for each other.

I bid you adieu.

I’ve no interest in vampiric relationship.

Illustration by Édouard Toudouze

Relationships In Time

Published January 5, 2022 by tindertender

Our relationship with the trees and the plants is symbiotic. They cleanse and purify our negative energies releasing them back out into the world in a balanced way. They take our breath, the carbon monoxide of our breath, and they purify and release it back out for our next breath.

But there are violators in the system who harvest the energy we have within us, we release it into the atmosphere … cheering for games, fear based emotion and anger due to the manipulation of mass media and movies … this energy is meant to go to our beloved Earth.

The trees and the plants are suffering because their symbiotic energy exchange with human and other life is being hijacked by violating dominators seeking power.


I visited a very dark place in the astral. The people were not permitted to use the bathroom facilities in the night when the city was dark. I asked a masculine their, do what do we do? He said, make an excuse and use it anyway.

I believe this was a glimpse of the violator/oppressors “kingdom”. Little light, little energy, little resources, and certainly not enough for those ensnared. They are experiencing great scarcity. Many of them will be lifted out of that space (maybe?) and into the true kingdom. I am so grateful to my beloveds for showing me.


Some beings cannot be in water, or cross water. This is why having a humidifier in your bedroom decreases negative dream space experiences. Salt bathing eliminates other intruders from the sleep space.


What if Geoengineering is actually a tactic to keep the unseen violators in their hole, so they can be rousted up?

What if those who mean to harm, and those who mean to free, both have and use this technology.

The Time Master, The True King, is reigning supreme with His family. It’s only a matter of “time” now before every living being, in all dimensions and realities, see it.

Image credit: Shutterstock

Love & Relationship – Misunderstood

Published March 18, 2021 by tindertender

Love is one of the most misunderstood and misplaced human experiences. Ever. Love is far more than a pleasant feeling. Love is a creative power. Love is not something you give away. It is something you reflect. Listen to understand why “I love me when I am with you” has far more balance and affection than “I love you”.

Who/What Is A Goddess?

Published January 29, 2021 by tindertender

This is for some of my devine feminines who were/are Goddesses and stepped down from much higher realms – so let’s ask the question: “WHO AND WHAT IS A GODDESS”?

A Goddess knows her strength. She’s anchored in her truth. She has channeled her experiences, good and bad alike, and transformed them into wisdom. She can guide you from dark to light and sometimes She will guide you into the depths of your own darkness so you can bring it to light, heal, transmute, and evolve.

She is a warrior of light. Unafraid she walks the earth and every step she takes along the way is a blessing for this planet.

All life is created in her sacred womb. It is She who breathes life into existence.

If you are blessed to have Her goddess energy touch your life She will transform you forever.

As the saying goes: “Be aware of what you’re wishing for.”

A man who has fully embodied divine masculine energy yearns for union with his goddess but a man who has yet to make contact with his higher self will run from Her.

When you have reached the light She will be your blessing but when you are still in darkness She will terrify you as She will inevitably force you out of your comfort zone.

He has to make sure that he’s ready for her. She will shower his life with magic. Her presence alone will challenge his mind and heart to enter uncharted territories. It is in this space where his conscious awareness is tested by the universe.

And it is here where his most profound transformation begins
-if he is not afraid of her power,
-if he is not intimidated by how unapologetically real she is.

You cannot love Her half-heartedly. She will know and not fall for it. She does not submit or acquiesce to a relationship that is less than sacred, true, and healing.

Her divine feminine wisdom knows that this planet needs Her energy to thrive and she will not sacrifice any of it to a man with limited conscious awareness. But She will worship a God who has done the inner work and is ready for a divine union.

This planet needs the union of Gods and Goddesses to be the conscious creators of new earth. The old earth too was once created by Gods and Goddesses.

Only when you are in touch with your own soul you are able to form a sacred union.

Mutual honor, freedom, trust, loyalty, authenticity, and integrity are the building blocks for romantic relationships of new earth.

All of this you must first find and cultivate within yourself to be ready for it.

Separating a God and a Goddess is to separate the cross. This is the meaning of Christ-Consciousness. The wisdom that males and females are equals who belong to each other.

The old world has been ruled by harsh male energy for far too long. Over time females have been forced to be more and more like men and ultimately, men have become suspicious of females.

It is time for women to be females again, nourishing, peaceful, compassionate, supportive creatures of unconditional love.

And men must be true again, comforting, caring, building, in touch with their masculine strength.

Come together in love. Evolve from trickery, manipulation, jealousy, and games. Learn to be vulnerable, regardless of your gender.

Begin by becoming a mate to your own soul. This is the first step before you can find and unite with your soulmate.

Ego (FEAR) brought us here, love takes us to the next level.

Separation is fear. Fear is an illusion.

Love means unity, oneness, harmony.

When will you wake up and surrender to love? That will be your moment of truth, the moment you acknowledge your own goddess within regardless of your gender, fall in love with Her and breathe life into your own existence.

Decide to acknowledge, honor, and worship the Goddess within now. Will it, speak it, and be ready for the shift.

Understand that She gave you the greatest gift of all, your life.

The masculine energy carries the frequency of light which is information. The feminine energy carries the frequency of love which is creation. Love is the only reality. Herein lies the power of all of creation. Love creates life based on the information provided.

“Choose love, choose love, this life is nothing but a burden without love.” ~ Rumi

Source: @Karina89350882

Letting Go and Moving Forward

Published January 28, 2021 by tindertender

If you’re still holding onto the old normal, you’re in for a world of hurt in the months and years ahead. Let go of it NOW, or you’re going to fall behind and likely stuck fighting for something that was never yours to begin with.

You must realize, right now that the game has already changed and the new rules are being written as we speak. If you can’t open your focus enough to catch the cataclysmic changes happening within yourself you’re going to miss the greatest opportunity of your life and risk getting thrown under the bus.

Pay careful attention to how you’re showing up in your relationships these days, because there are two competing narratives playing out in our world right now. One of them happens on the media stage and features an expertly crafted orchestration of humanity’s worst qualities. The other story happens in your mind and heart, presenting an extraordinary opportunity for personal evolution. Whichever one you focus on is what you will bring others in your life, and will determine what feedback you receive from them and the world.

A wise friend recently told me that the love we experience in our lives is the clearest reflection of who we truly are as people. So, what do you see in the relationships in your life? Are you experiencing love? Are you frustrated? Is there easiness or maybe emptiness? Is there joy, or do you feel repressed and bottled up? Do you feel a sense of expansion or a sense of contraction? Can you feel into your relationships to see which ones are giving you energy, and which ones are taking your energy? What do you need to change within yourself to have the type of relationship with the world that brings you happiness, joy, peace and freedom?

I’ve been meditating deeply on all of this lately, and here’s what’s been emerging. It’s sort of an updated program for us to run on collectively as we dive headlong into a tremendous and cataclysmic war between freedom and control; between fear and love.

Enjoy people and keep the vibration high. Above all else, be direct and honest. Be the one who says what has gone for too long unsaid. Love insanely. Let it all out into the open. You don’t have time to hold back any longer. Make yourself strong physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Practice radical detachment and letting go. We need to create space for the new paradigm to emerge.

Learn to enjoy being patient and allowing things to unfold naturally without forcing anything. Express yourself like you never have before. Be more real, more raw, more open and more bad ass! Be more you.

Let death be the only motivation you need to do anything you want to do. The clock is ticking faster than ever. Don’t be surprised when things workout better than you could have ever imagined. Give away as much freedom to others as you can stand. Then, give them more. Let them have their differing opinions, or whatever, and just keep on loving them with everything you’ve got. Do not allow your mind to take the wheel.

Steer with your heart.

Make personal evolution your prime directive and watch how quickly your life changes for the better. Be the person in the room that laughs and smiles the most, showing others how to brush off the madness of the world. Conserve your energy wheel.

Steer with your heart.

Conserve your energy until it is time to move. Then, do so with maximum potency.

Stay close to the things you can control and distance yourself from those things which you cannot. Teach everything you’ve learned so far. Participate fully in the growth of others. Create relationships. Fix relationships. Find common ground. Build bridges and be there for others.

Learn to fiercely observe the world and the people around you. Rewrite the rules as needed for maximum peace and minimal stress. Let yourself cry, scream, or whatever … as needed to ensure that you are a conduit for negative emotions and not a reservoir.

Practice, practice, practice; engage in your daily practice every single day.

Cultivate your inner strength and peace through the continuity of your intentions. Maintain the highest possible vibration you can, and make a point of being infectious to others.

I appreciate all of you who are vibrating with me on the love frequency, and are sending me love and light every day. Rest assured that it’s most definitely being reciprocated.

All is 1

Source: @Amen_Baba_
and The Galactic Federation

An Uncommon Bond

Published January 25, 2021 by tindertender

Perhaps the most important question you can ask a potential love partner relates to their relationship with the shadow—their own, and the shadow that emerges in the relationship itself. That is, “How much work are you willing to do on yourself and the relationship when the sh%t hits the fan? Are you willing to go as deep as we have to go to work it through, or are you only interested in a breezy, low-maintenance relationship?”

Few people ever talk about this during the romantic phase, because they are not envisioning the challenges to come. Yet it is an essential inquiry. I have known many people who were shocked to watch their ‘great love’ walk out the door when the connection required personal accountability and therapeutic work-through. Some of us will brave the journey; others will flee the fire.

Some of us will do the work to transform our stories into the light at their source; others will run away with their ‘tales’ between their legs, only to find out later that their tales go with them everywhere they go.

If we can determine someone’s willingness at the beginning, we can save ourselves a lot of trouble later. (~an excerpt from ‘An Uncommon Bond’)


Questions and Realization

Published November 26, 2020 by tindertender

What exactly does it mean to exercise ones Will?

I once compared it to being stubborn. Perhaps I still do.

Stubborn Will

I read somewhere that it is possible to transform stubborn Will into skillful Will.

As often as I think of it, it has yet to materialize.

What does one do, after all, to be considered “skillful”?

Would it be better to note that to be a person of skillful will it be required to do what is right and good and healthy despite stubborn Will saying, “I’ll do what I want.”?

What have I learned today?

I learned that somehow in all this mess I have been extremely blessed. By surprise I might add. So much so I purchased matching pendant and earrings for a piedersite (sp?) stone ring I have.

Why did this good fortune befall me today? I wonder.

I purchased an aura photo. Bright yellows all around.

I bought “buy two get two free” bras and panties.

And I still wonder at it all.

I donated a monetary gift in exchange for a light reading and gained knowledge. It was a lovely exchange as always.

I ask myself if I have grown fond of being a walking portal … stubborn, stubborn.

I am told the color red is like a welcome mat for unclean spirits. I have seen evidence that may be true.

Surely I am not the only human being pushing a little here, pulling a little there. Is it beneficial? I cannot say, for although my experience has been for the last many years, the experience in itself is new to me.

Anyhow … red … I now need to paint two red walls green, or another color, in three days. Home Depot is closed so today I sit idle.

My red candle had its wick fall into the wax and it stopped burning.

Now there is an orange one, in a glass jar.

I am just now reminded of being 18 and keeping a journal. I wrote some angry and hurtful things in there “to” the person I was living with. It was found. Tears were shed. I stopped journaling.

When I write, it doesn’t “sound” the same as when I “speak”. Could it be true that simply slowing down to write shows what it would be like if one “thought” before they spoke? And now … “thinking” before one thinks.

Some go on and on about my attitude, and I reply that “attitude” is my dancing partner. Tis true. Since when? That is the question. I think, “Ya, you really going to write all that down?” Ha. 🤯

Really bad dudes. You’re doing something to call them in. I’ve discovered cannabis is a contributor to opening a portal in my mind. Not always a good thing, especially with really bad dudes in the unseen on the prowl.

Paint the walls; sprinkle prayed over and blessed salt water everywhere; stop using thc; eat more greens and less carbs and sugar; stop with the tarot cards; clean up energy fields.

Get “off the wagon” and walk.

54 years of age. I just danced and behaved in such a belligerent fashion I reminded myself of a 15 year old me, without all the stamina, haha … alone in my living room … rebelling against the invisibles …. after using the cannabis plant, one of them said, “Heroin has been decriminalized.” Well, I’ve seen people die from using that … no thank you, Pusherman.

I find it interesting that the invisibles correlate cannabis to heroin.

“I don’t want this one” and invisible said …. good …. I guess I’ve been successful in my endeavor then.

For much of my life I made myself ugly, so few felt comfortable getting too close to me. It seems I flow in and out of this behavior. Even with myself!

I make a list of “wrongs” and then am inclined to grow a list of what is “right” … or a list of gratitude.

Not all things can be balanced … or can they?

Advice to self … Don’t attempt, or try, or hope, or wish … just DO it.

Candle flame = Portal

THC = Portal

Sugar and Carbs = Feeds the Portal occupants

Find King James Version of the Bible, read Psalms and Proverbs

Prep walls for paint

Stop calling them ‘to’ me

Reformat habitual pattern

I’ve got a Love candle … a Love flame flickering in my living room … just don’t stare at the flame dear … I tell myself.

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