For me, telepathy is difficult.

The players are unknown, refuse to identify themselves, and sometimes speak in terms which are not entirely positive.

I search my own responses and find that I, too, speak in a manner that is not entirely positive.

It is easy to assume that the unnamed and unknown ones are of a nature contrary to benevolence, especially when they start judging the body form as “fleshy” and complain about “attitude” … unwilling, or unable, to navigate a strong willed womans responses.

I listen as the attempt to stir up fear in me is vocalized, and I practice at becoming unresponsive, retaining and maintaining the energetic output it is meant to draw out of me. In nurturing my own NOW moment I can nurture my energetic form, hold steady my mental body and engage my senses for a more peaceful output.

In my history, I ceded my own personal authority over self to others, previous mates. In this agreement, both parties were always left feeling dissatisfied, feeling the lack of balance between us, the relationship never failing to end.

Every time the relationship would end, I would have to search for myself, the self that I walked out on at the beginning of relations with another, the self that I made small, so the other would be larger, the self I left behind.

I will no longer do this. It is more difficult to find self, reclaim self, and build self back up after every encounter in which I set my self to the side … always allowing another to call the shots, to tell me I’m wrong, to instruct on speech and dress and behaviors, to make me doubt my self and my personal desires and values.

It once was that the visible masculine held this role of dominance, the role I gifted them upon entering relations.

This role seems to have evolved, moving into the unseen, but heard, arena.

Although the players and their positions have changed, the story line remains the same. Masculinity, requiring that I make myself small, fall in line, do as told, be careful of what I say (think) and to embody fear of retribution for remaining large, for standing in my power, my personal authority.

I am completely naïve and fairly ignorant of the occult circles. They call me innocent.

Innocence with an attitude.

A willful, reckless and sometimes careless woman moving through experiences. Always pushing past the comfort zone, refusing to color between the lines, stepping into personal decision even if not for the highest, simply to say I can, and I Will.

After an astral attack one sleeping evening, as I was kneeling on the ground with injured shoulder, a member of the masculine knelt on his knees in front of me and asked “What are you gonna do?”

This is one of the greatest questions I had ever been asked. My answer for the longest time was “I do not know.” It was a wait and see thing, the unknown waiting to be birthed.

Now, however, after last nights pep talk in the mirror, I understand that my answer has shifted.

When asked, “What are you gonna do?” my answer is now, “I Will.” That’s what I’m gonna do, I am going to Will creation to mold around me, and to spread out from me.

Something I’ve been doing lately is drink a lot of water during the day, completely hydrate my body, my cells. In the evening, about 7:30 pm I sit down in candle light, get comfortable, and start chanting OM. I do this for 30 minutes. The vibration of my voice sets the cellular structure of my body in motion. The sound moves through every fiber of my being, my head, chest, belly, arms and finally, legs and feet. I then rest, eyes closed, breathing normally for another 20 minutes or so, feeling the vibration in my body, in my core, and envision it, as it is sent out into the world.

The key here is to send out LOVE, Compassion, Care, Acceptance, Partnership, Unity …. all things which can bring about Peace in the cellular structure and in the surroundings.

If a negative picture erupts in mind I open my eyes and focus on the candle flame while chanting, or breathing, and let my mind go blank again. It is important to me, NOT to let any form of negative ride on my vibe when I am in these moments, for that is also riding out into my environment, even more so than normal because my energetic ‘grid’ is activated and on high volume, so to speak.

This is not the actual meditation I use, however it is a good one. I like the deep voices of the masculine as they reverberate through me and merge with my own voice.

(This link here IS the meditation I use, and it’s perfect at nearly 30 minutes. https://youtu.be/I_4UXdsW0h4)

The point I am attempting to make here is that Self-Love, Self-Acceptance, and Self-Awareness and Self- Care and Compassion cannot, in these future moments, be relinquished to another who promises to care for us.

No … they will have their own best interests in mind before any other (usually) and therefore it is crucial to maintain our own self interest also … after all, we most definitely are the only one we will spend every waking and sleeping moment with for the rest of our lives.

It is important to Honor Self.

To hold Self in high regard.

To listen to the criticism and rejection and let it roll off as we counter the attack with even greater self love.

I thought of my history last night as this female I’ve been living, and living with. I’ve been blessed to watch the bodily form go from girl like and slender into a more full-bodied woman form. I’ve filled out my skin suit, haha.

As I listen to the invisible critics, I massage my belly, I roam my hands all over my being and I ponder the constant morphing of it into something new, year after year.

When young I had four portions of flesh that moved of its own accord … the breasts and the buttocks. Nowadays, I really get a lot of flow going the whole body over. Dancing feels different these days.

I think of the goddess statues people have found throughout history, rounded breast, bellies and buttocks. I wonder when honor for the fleshy woman was evicted from the consciousness of larger portions of the masculine soul group, seen and unseen.

I say to these, “You most definitely ought to let your lust and personal desire for a slender woman make your decisions for you, that would be the wisest thing you can do … and since you are brilliant in your shining light, this is the obvious choice.”

I’ll just relax over here, in my reckless, willful, sometimes careless energies and I’ll cause my cellular structure to dance, every evening …. and rather that focus on what I do not want more of, I will focus on that which I do want … Peace … Harmony … Honor … Integrity …. Acceptance … Compassion and Care … and all other words and feelings that will alter my form, my surroundings, and my world for the better.

Aaaaaahhhh ye judges …. may you receive exactly what you manifest.