Time

All posts in the Time category

Time Structures and Hidden Love

Published October 7, 2018 by tindertender

I finally found the love for an abuser in my past. I remembered while soaking in a mineral bath this morning the sorrow I felt for him when he told me he watched his house burn, and his mother was inside. I remember the damage that it must have done to his young heart and mind, and how he found it impossible to be nice to women he was intimate with. I was of the belief he blamed her for running back into the house, for leaving him, and therefore he took it out on the women he had relations with. I could have been completely wrong, but this is where my love for him lay. To find it today is in a way a sense of closure, for I thought up until then I despised him. So nice to find the love in my heart was still there.

I also found love in my heart for a female who was abusive as she played the role of ‘baby sitter’ in my youth. She never would have done the things she did if she, too, had not been victimized and abused. I was able to forgive her, and find compassion for her inner child.

And me … that beautiful child I once was who loved dancing in the rain, feeding the cows, picking flowers and appreciating them not for their smell, for often they did not smell real good, but for their beauty. She loved the potato bugs that were always between the grass and the driveway cement, butterflies and cherry blossoms and wind and blue skies. She loved haunted houses, one of which was at the end of the street, she was able to stay the night there, sleeping under the kitchen table, for things were always thrown around in the night by the unseen. She loved bumble bees and laughter and helping peel potatoes. Oh beautiful girl, I love you so much. Your faith in love and joy were incredible.

For years now I have been surrounded by those in a Council Circle, female, male, and male child to the left, two males to the right, and crying boy in the center at the outside of the circle, as well as many others who are on the outside edges of the circle. They have a lot of discussion going on, looking for something that will end this cycle they find themselves in.

I saw myself as an antennae, one armed raised, palm up and flat receiving light from the heavens, and one arm down, hand bent and palm flat with the earth, another beam of light blasting into the soil on which I stood, uniting Heaven and Earth with an amazing channel of light.

A little surprised, the knowing that I Am Many came to mind. I visualized the child, the young girl, the young woman, the woman, and the older me of the future. We were standing in a circle around the council circle shown above, and we held hands while we smiled at those in the inner circle, moving in a counter clockwise motion.

It seemed a little strange that we moved in a counter-clockwise manner. Could it be we were unwinding time, and experiences? Undoing wrongs that had been done?

Circumambulation is done in a clockwise movement, many religions do this in worship, or to ward off evil.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Circumambulation

Widdershins is what the counter-clockwise movement is called. In Judaism sometimes circles are walked in this manner. “The twentieth-century German-Jewish philosopher Franz Rosenzweig suggested that the secret to returning to Judaism is to connect to Jewish time. The Sabbaths and the Festivals structure life; they transform time that is otherwise constructed on the basis of secular obligations and opportunities into sacred time.”

http://www.orzarua.org/Orot5768_HJWechsler_Counterclockwise.pdf

Perhaps there is much more to be discovered in this consciousness. Knowing that I Am Many, I can visualize different aspects of myself during this life, as we hold hands and move in this circular motion. Maybe one day I will come to understand the actual meaning of this ‘dance’.

Until then, I’ll be working on my visualization techniques. After all, if you can visualize the mountain as moving, then it will.

Infinite Questions For The Universe

Published September 7, 2018 by tindertender

In the space outside of time there are those who sound as adults, and also those who sound very young. Even though this is the case, they seem to be older than I still, all of them.

My questions seem to have no end.

I wonder how old I am, actually. When I shed this flesh and bone body I am curious to find out how many ‘actual’ years I have existed … of course, in the land beyond time how would one even measure that?

I visited the starry sky one night and there was another there. I suggested we go to the earth and walk a trail between two boulders, this was viewed as a hole opened in the night sky and the sun shown on this space. The grass was tall and it was so beautiful. He said he could not, for there was ‘dirt’ there.

While speaking with him I felt as though I was just a teenager, rebellious and intent on exploration, on having fun. I wonder if this is the walk I chose and here I am. It didn’t wind up being as fun as I thought it would be I guess. Although there have been those moments of great peace, usually while in the wilderness, birds singing, wind blowing, and waters flowing by with the sun glistening off its movement.

I have always been a head strong gal, sometimes foolishly running straight into dangerous territory. Either too naive to be aware of that which could harm, or daring that darkness to come for me.

Funny how it goes, and how it has been. Not funny ha-ha, but odd in a way. Has it simply been done because my subconscious knows I need to stuff as many different experiences into this life, this time, or has it truly been a haphazard and careless way?

Whatever it has been, the forward movement must continue. There is still time to cram many more experiences into this reality.

I am excited to find out how ‘young’ I actually am though.

One day, some time, beyond this realm.

 

It Was One Heck Of A Ride!!!

Published August 19, 2018 by tindertender

Jam packed full of events and sights to see, tensions ran high amid all the chaotic adventures.

The tour of the gardens was spectacular, the whale watching had me on the edge of my seat and offered up a face and mouth full of salt water. I had no idea it was that salty, although I don’t think I ever really thought of it before. The city of Victoria BC is beautiful, and clean, with so many shops and a long, long history!

Below are a few of the pics from my trip …

Gardens ~

Whales ~

Sea Lions ~

The Govenor’s House was amazing, the rooms … most of them … were ‘no entry’ but what we were able to see was incredible! Ahhh, Queen Victoria … if the DNA test was accurate, I am to believe she is my distant relative!!

Once back in Seattle the tour of the new glass floors in the Space Needle was interesting.

The Chilulay Glass Museum was phenomenal …

… and the Phantom of the Opera made me cry.

Phantom of the Opera_cropped

This vacation was chuck full of so much, the nerve body was ramped up with energies and the patience wore thin. It will take me a week to absorb all the details. What a whirl-wind! I am grateful my friend and I can still say we are … friends … even when the inner Dragon and Tiger shows up!!

It is time to get back to routine.

As I swam in a sea of a go-go-go schedule, chaotic emotion, and frustration which challenged the work I’ve been doing, I’ve neglected my inner sanctuary … for four days.

There is much to be learned from this experience. My inner fortress needs built up … weak spots have been observed, and a fresh approach to the work remaining is at hand.

SO!! Here we go again.

Like Everyone Else

Published June 14, 2018 by tindertender
ida-kammerloch-568198-unsplash.jpg
Photo by Ida Kammerloch

Fashion, career, morning drink, meal times, tradition, religion … there really aren’t too many categories people live by and in. Sure, these things change from culture to culture, yet the basic category structure remains the same.

Most cultures have a few rules each citizen is expected to adhere to. If people deter from them, often they are beaten, killed, or ousted from the society. Fear of these things keeps them in check and obedient.

Was the world always this way? Did the every day civilian always bow to the tyranny of the ones making the ‘rules’? Was there ever a time when people worked together in harmony for the benefit of all?

History is written by the ‘so called’ winner. We are finding now that so much of the past has been wiped from the books, only told what they needed us to know in order to get the public to back them on whatever decisions they made, and continue to make.

It is sad that millions of people were (and are) lied to and intentionally kept in the dark about their true heritage, all so the few can reign supreme over them. Civil wars of the past? I get the feeling it was about much more than we’ve been taught.

 

What Can Be Said Of Time?

Published May 10, 2018 by tindertender
aron-visuals-322314-unsplash.jpg

Photo by Aron Visuals

Every morning before I get a chance to talk myself out of it I climb onto the stationary bicycle. There is that moment when I begin to say to myself, “it can wait until tomorrow”, which is why I get on before I’m fully awake.

After the remaining exercises I sit and breath, quieting my mind, learning how to be still anew, every morning. With the work schedule it is easy to tell myself I haven’t time for deep silence or contemplation, yet this is exactly where the connection with the larger reality is made. By NOT allowing proper time, we only cheat our self of that which is most beneficial.

The mind gets distracted by things, time disappears as it gets caught in webs placed around us … advertising, television, commotion in the household, neighborhood crime, world events … to remain centered and come from that place is a challenge many do not take.

Strong energy is always inspiring and provoking. Anyone who wishes to follow an interest or continually grow toward something worthwhile has an enthusiastic energy.

Seeing imbalance in others seems simple, yet seeing it in ourselves is difficult. Finding balance is key.

Honoring our self is critical, and respecting the earth as sacred is just as important, for an unhealthy planet cannot support us as we need.

It is never too late to change. Regret is useless. Forgiveness may be necessary. Bravery is valuable. It’s beneficial to act with courage and to be empathetic, to grow knowledge of how our actions affect others and the planet.

Bridging The Gap

Published March 3, 2018 by tindertender

Bridging the gap

Cockeyed I sit in my chair, the spring and ball joint turning the seat slightly, I turn my keyboard to one side so it aligns with my position. There is work to be done and although I know the end goal, I do not focus there as I proceed. It will be just as it should, in due time.

They’ve fallen away, those who are uncomfortable with all of this. They rest in what they’ve known and this is perfect for them, for now. I continue on my way, moving forward with what I must do. This does not mean I love them less, far from it.

This journey is a dance, sometimes we have a partner, and other times we only have the wind. Spinning, the hairs of the head are lifted, just as the spirit is too. A lightness permeates the flesh and everything within it.

It is said that thought is near the same as actual doing. As I envision a time and a place and what goes on there, it is real … in my mind, and I rest knowing that this is exactly as it ought to be. Since I have this power, I create pleasant circumstances which bring peace to my life. I collect these vital memories, these creations, and I hold them near for there will be a time in which they will come in quite handy, even more so than in this present moment.

I’ve been there … I’ve dwelt in this place you think of. Now, I choose this place, for the time being. Don’t look at me that way, sly, out of the corner of your eye. It seems you have difficulty believing me. It is okay, trust has been stripped from the average mind, and even those who are quite beyond average.

Heightened senses unite that which was separated. Intensity is picking up. Terrifying to some, perhaps all. There are those who come out of it, and those who never do, at least while in body.

Here we are. I write and you read. Maybe not at the same time, yet our ‘attention’ has been placed here just the same. Sharing this space we are closer than ‘light years’ yet bridging this gap can seem quite impossible. It is getting easier though.

 

Embracing Time

Published March 1, 2018 by tindertender

Embracing TimeThey didn’t expect me to make it, they didn’t think I would survive. They came upon me thinking it would be easy … an easy out. Breathe he said, as I swam under water, and I almost did, so I stepped out of the river and chose not to swim any more. Other times came and went where they thought I would release them, but no, here I am still.

I have a life to lead, and although I was in error, I am not any longer ~ at least not the same type of error. I have begun to think that perhaps life isn’t about getting it right, or fouling up. I now think it is about learning to stand up and lead ones self, rather than being led by another.

While I wasted much time in the beginning, I’m determined to make the most of the end. With renewed hope and joy for living I embrace what is left, and I pull from the core of me that which I have always loved ~ self expression. This had been stifled for so long, held at bay by others judgments which became my own. I release them now.

There isn’t time to waste, so I embrace what is left of time.

%d bloggers like this: