As I sat in the bath I cried. The realization hit me hard and I called out to TMH asking, “Why do I have to die every time I fall in love?”
Three times in life I have loved a man deeply.
The first, aged 15-17, beat me, choked me, raped me, all under the nose of my “guardians” for he mooched his way under the roof and into security.
The second 18-20, innocent, sweet, and a slave to his phallus. I came home after work to find him and his ex on the sofa nearly naked. A heart shattering. Blind faith destroyed. Trust obliterated.
The third, aged 24-31, I won’t go into detail. Infidelity. A slave to his phallus. A moving out. Dog murdered, job lost, homeless, living in car.
It’s obvious someone cursed me. That every time I loved, I would also be shattered.
I’ve determined I’m no longer willing to “die” for love of a man. He has proven himself unworthy of the essence herein. I connect to TMH, my King of the highest heavenly mountain, and deny the rest.
After 22 years of conscious attack within the field of awareness (and 37 years prior of sleeper attack) I woke this morning feeling as tho I had been eclipsed out of their reach. I thought, it’s all well and good.
Solitude in my life, solitude in my mind. I need no ripples in my waters made by an other who feels the need to dictate my moves, my mood, my life. There is no value in such a connection and I’m not willing to pay the price. It simply isn’t an equal give and take. It’s parasitical, and I won’t feed into it any more.
I choose me. I am worthy of the value of the gift TMH has given ME. It’s weird how some say,”bring all that is yours as tho it is mine.”
I say, if you were worthy of such a gift TMH would have bestowed it upon you.
But he didn’t. He gave it to me.
Pawing … energetically, physically, by those who desire to TAKE the gift from me, to claim it, to control it, to flaunt the wealth of it to their friends… to hurt the source and play with hoes draining the essence, dressing up in the energy, prancing about as a lord.
No.
No more.
I choose me.
I choose to be eclipsed out of this energy.
TMH knows where I’m at if he needs me. If our family, true blue, needs me they know where I am.
I no longer entertain parasites who cannot win the battle with the snake they must live with.
I’ve no need.
TMH has provided.
And the whispered questions of “Who will be with the woman?” Go unanswered.
Hidden harvesters of the Stars, who don’t abide in Love.
opensenseme 