It all matters. That someone turns out the lamp, picks up the windblown wrapper, says hello to the invalid, pays at the unattended lot, listens to the repeated tale, folds the abandoned laundry, plays the game fairly, tells the story honestly, acknowledges help, gives credit, says good night, resists temptation, wipes the counter, waits at the yellow, makes the bed, tips the maid, remembers the illness, congratulates the victor, accepts the consequences, takes a stand, steps up, offers a hand, goes first, goes last, chooses the small portion, teaches the child, tends to the dying, comforts the grieving, removes the splinter, wipes the tear, directs the lost, touches the lonely, is the whole thing.
Be tolerant of those who have lost their way. Ignorance, presumption, anger, jealousy and greed come from a lost soul. Pray for them to find guidance.
Find yourself, by your own means. Do not let others make your path for you. It is your path, and only yours. Others may walk with you, but no one can make your way (or walk your path) for you.
Treat guests in your home with great consideration. Serve them the best food, give them the best bed and treat them with respect and honor.
Do not take what is not yours, whether from a person, a community, from the jungle or from a culture. It was not given or won. It is not yours.
Respect all the things that are on this earth, be they people, plants and animals.
Honor the thoughts, desires and words of all people. Never break them in, or make fun of them, or imitate them rudely. It gives each person the right to their personal expression.
Never talk about others in a bad way. The negative energy you put into the universe will multiply when it returns to you.
All people make mistakes. And all the mistakes can be forgiven.
Bad thoughts cause illness to the mind, body and spirit. Practice optimism.
Nature is not FOR us. It is PART of us. She’s part of your family in the world.
Children are the seeds of our future. Sow love in your hearts and water them with wisdom and life lessons. When they grow up, just give them space to grow up.
Avoid hurting the hearts of others. The poison of their suffering will return to you.
Be true (transparent ) all the time. Honesty is the test of one’s will in this universe.
Keep yourself balanced. Your Mental person, your Spiritual person, your Emotional person, and your Physical person: they all have the need to be strong, pure and healthy.
Ok so first I do have background in psychology BUT I’m writing this thread mostly from my experience and from a background of 10+ years of helping my clients and my close friends and myself. It’s rough out here and I noticed the hands on work yields more perspective with emotionally nuanced things like this.
When you grow up with a narcissistic mother it’s confusing. As with all narcissistic parents, you start off being a bother as a baby, just something to show off but emotional needs, outbursts and selfless attention and time are usually a bother UNLESS your mom thinks it makes them look like a good mom to handle these things well.
Narcissistic mothers feed off of their image of what they feel “makes” a good mother. Sometimes we get lucky and some of those things are nice. But emotional empathy is ALWAYS missing at the end of the day. Even emotionally “supportive” was moreso centered around the support THEY felt like you needed. Any emotional request outside of what THEY feel is valid gets shut down, berated and they self victimize instead of just giving you what you’re asking for. There is no genuine empathy.
When you’re young, you usually become some type of doll. Like you’re pretty, you’re great in school, you’re well behaved and these things are constantly bragged about. It gets confusing bc this is usually how narcissistic mothers show their love. Being “proud” of you for the things that reflect good on them.
The MOST confusing thing is your mom will constantly exclaim about how much she loves her kids, how she’ll do anything for them all this shit right. She’ll constantly tell you who SHE is and how you SHOULD view her. Honestly it takes time and space to break this rhetoric and see the reality of how selfish she is bc you get taught you shouldn’t hold her accountable for her faults bc of all that she does to try so hard for you and how much she had to sacrifice to be a mother.
It’s veryyy hard to stop making excuses for your mom but it’s important bc if you don’t, you internalize all of that resentment and rage designed for her and it comes out in how you feel about yourself, it makes you guilty for having boundaries with people and saying no.
Once you start getting into puberty tho you become the enemy. Even before that, when you start developing your own individuality you’re suddenly “disrespectful” and unappreciative of all your mom does if you’re not submitting to them and their advice or you letting them over rule you.
This starts the battle. Your mom will then find ways to let you know you’re inadequate. It’ll either come from hyper criticism in the name of “trying to help” or it’ll be downright insults when you’re doing something you’re own way instead of the way they’re telling you to or “suggesting” you to.
If you have a mom who flies into violent narcissistic rage you’ll be called everything in the book when she feels challenged. One way my mom would berate me even as a grown woman would be to refer to me as “little girl” or once called me “her bastard bitch”. I mean it gets nasty.
If you have a mom who goes into a quiet narcissistic rage she’ll become the hyper victim, self loathing and guilt trip you until you feel bad and stop trying to hold her accountable for whatever you’re confronting her with.
You having your identity is literally threatening to your moms identity. If she can’t take credit for every part of you, her self loathing and jealousy will kick in and she will try to project those feelings onto you.
This creates a lot of self doubt when you become an adult. It feels easier to put yourself down than to build yourself up. You may not believe when other people compliment you or are nice to you. You may struggle with depression and not know how to give yourself positive reinforcement.
You may also start to feel competitive with other women bc of the distrust. This comes more from the guilt tripping mothers. You feel like you constantly have to be “beneath” others which can create an inferiority complex. It can cause you to withdraw and self loath when needing help bc you may feel like you don’t deserve the help, like you needing help is an inconvenience.
If you have the more violent nasty mothers, you may be downright avoidant of forming healthy relationships with other women. It may be hard for you to let them in and be soft. You may feel overly self sufficient and not really comfortable asking anyone for help. You don’t want to be viewed as a weak bitch. And that’s on berating from our moms whenever we actually need help.
HOW TO HEAL:
First, it’s a process. You may need to get a therapist to help you expand your awareness on how things have impacted you but if you feel like you have a good grip it may not be necessary. Start to notice how your mom speaks to you on the everyday and the defenses that’s created with others.
Then, notice how you were spoken to as a child and how that’s helped shape your inner dialogue. Next, notice how your emotions have been handled by your mom and how you’ve transferred this into your relationship with yourself and with others. This one is hard bc there’s so much unlearning to do with how to emotionally handle people when they’re vulnerable and how to handle your own vulnerability.
Cry it out. Cry for the little girl who put her moms feelings first. Cry for the little girl who wanted her mom to change. Cry for the little girl who had more empathy for her moms situation than her own. Cry for the woman who feels betrayed. Cry for the woman who feels shorted from having a good relationship with their mom. Cry for the woman who doesn’t have the advocacy they very much need from the person who birth them. Cry because it hurts 💔
If you’re into holistic healing I have a guided meditation that could help with the process. I needed this A LOT when becoming a mother. And to become a better version of myself. I hope this helped, and it does get better 💖💖💖
I love the message received during meditation last night. It’s something we all should keep in mind. Lightening our energetic and emotional load is a full time job requiring our full attention.
Remember this phrase …
“Don’t judge yourself heavy on classic interference”
By the way, this came after I blogged about idol worship … take from it what you will.
Prayer Flags, also known as Tobacco Flags, are for defining a sacred space and keeping it protected from unwanted external energies.
Prayer Flags is comprised of a group of 7 different colored strips of cloth with a handful of tobacco tied to one end and the excess material dropping down like a tail.
The 7 colors represent the 7 Sacred Directions and the help received from the Spirits in that direction.
Yellow for East is for inner-child work.
Red for South is for work on the youth stage of life.
Black for West is for work on adulthood.
White for North is for work on elders and Ancestors.
Blue for the Above Direction representing help and assistance from Father Sky and other Supernatural Spirits.
Green for the Below Direction representing help and assistance from Mother Earth and other Earth Spirits.
Purple for the Within Direction, representing Great Mystery which is the connection between your spirit to all of Creation.
People going on a Vision Quest make Prayer Flags to keep them protected from distraction from outside energies so that the individual can focus on going within self to find the help and answers they are seeking with the help of spirit guides.
The 7 Flags are hung up independently with each color in the appropriate cardinal direction beginning with the yellow cloth and going clockwise in attaching to a tree branch or stick on the ground in a circular pattern around their personal space.
The green and blue flags are usually hung in the western direction with the black flag while the purple is hung in the northern direction with the white flag.
For a building that serves to help children and youth, the Prayer Flags are usually combined altogether and hung up near the main entrance to protect the building from the negativity of outside energies. So that the building and people in it can focus on purpose of being there.
Flags are made from 4-inch strips of fabric usually broadcloth with one end having a handful of tobacco or with a mixture of other medicines tied in.
This end holding the tobacco is hung upwards so that the top has the offering requesting spirits for help and guidance.
The tail of the material allows a pathway for spirits to come down and do whatever is needed to accomplish the request made with the tobacco. If no intention was made while making the Prayer
Flags, expect no results because people get what they asked which was nothing.
The Prayer Flags are to be burned at the end of the term be it at end of a vision quest, school year or physical year end.
Nothing lasts forever and tobacco does wear out and so does the cloth.
There is a difference between being entertained, and worshipping the entertainer.
I’m not religious. I was raised in an abundant forested area. My guardians never spoke of God, or anything holy. We did not have tv, we did not have money for concerts or movies. I fell in love with the life which surrounded me … the waters, the trees and bushes of the forest, the animals which lived there from the creepy crawlies to the elk, cougar, bear and birds, the songsters and the birds of prey.
Today during quiet time it became very clear to me, I saw it plain.
Idol worship is forbidden in the Bible, yet people do it all the time. In rock stars and such, movie stars, sports teams and players, even one’s favorite newscaster. Those whose only purpose is to entertain the people, for a moment, but the entertainment turns into worship and idolization of the entertainer.
It’s happening every day on such a wide scale. What happens to idol worshippers in the Bible?
Physical and Spiritual death.
It is said Satan has the right to test people, to lure them away from their Divinity and heavenly home. So many have succumbed, even I. When I became aware, rather shatteringly to the reality, I was spiritually accosted and feasted upon. Twenty years I suffered greatly.
Thanks be to my Heavenly Father for statute of limitations. Thank you for teaching me to persevere through challenges put upon me. Thank you for opportunity to speak into the collective via this platform.
opensenseme 