Photo by Chaney Zimmerman
My entire life has been spent listening to people tell me the details of what is wrong with me. It’s like being slapped over and over again, just for being me.
I have listened to people tell me I have no capacity for peace, or truth. I’ve heard them say I lack the necessary skills for this or for that. I’ve had them horde knowledge like it is gold that they refuse to share.
They say if I changed, didn’t say ‘this’ or do ‘that’, then things could be different. There are so many people who think I should be something other that I am.
It is this judgement, this tearing down of a person that is so injurious to the world. We are all guilty of it, if not now, then at some point.
It is difficult to stand tall while being hit with the barrage of negativity. They say they are trying to help me be better, but in reality, they only want me to bend to their will and accept their judgement. To seek their ‘righteous’ teachings and opinions of who I ought to be.
Trying not to let anger or sorrow cloud my vision and truth, I say so-long, adios. I am glad they find peace in this behavior. They can maintain it … away from me.
Frustration rushes through my mind as I read the letter. It is painful to know that the one counted on is not willing to do the work, letting the task fall to the side rather than fight for what is right. I reach out, grasping at straws, attempting to round up assistance elsewhere. It is not found … perhaps it is best left to dissolve into the past. Maybe, just maybe, my perception is in error, I can hope.
I breathe and look for recipes, wondering what I shall have for supper. I find a brown rice and kale recipe with turmeric and ginger that sounds delicious, and my vegi-burger mix has arrived via FedEx tonight as well. I’ll rise from my comfy chair in about an hour and prepare a wonder and dine like a queen.
Sitting back I take another deep breath.
There is a fine line between getting something for less, and getting something of less value. One must know the difference between cheap and cost ‘wise’.
Perhaps a slight financial gain is not worth the stress put into the subject. It may be best to walk away and focus on the next steps, far away from the last two years which have held onto tragedy. Release ………….
I don’t tell you what to do. Just let me be myself. I am Free, to live my life the way I want. You Don’t Own Me.