Argument has it … it never ends. It is a pity the way compromise of a sort can never be made. Back and forth they go … it is as though one has to convince the other of their point of view. I do not know why they can’t just say to each other, “I respect your views, and here are mine. Now let us move forth into progression of a kind.” But no, spinning, spinning, spinning … minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, year after year, it never ends. I am sorry for this … I do not think I’ve caused it, but then perhaps I do not know. Maybe the simplest of things has gotten skewed by my own contribution, however that continues to show up. It changes, frequently.
I close my eyes and am still for a moment …
It very well could be all of the tentacles of the past which has inundated my journey are twisting what started as something so beautiful into a mess. Releasing the binds that have formed knots in this life, in this heart and mind, is not an easy task. There are no teachers, only experience. It is a short life … will there be time sufficient to complete the smoothing of thought?
I feel as though I should apologize, yet I do not know exactly what I’ve done wrong. I can theorize, there are plenty who will offer their opinions on where I’ve erred. It seems this is the easiest thing for folks to do … yet I continue to look deep and hard into my heart. Who am I? There are many answers, so many possibilities, so many truths. A well rounded experiencer of light … of shadow … of joy … and of pain. It is all true, every reaction, every response to an outside event or occurrence, was me … in the moment. And I have changed immensely over time.
Time ~ the clock keeps ticking, going round and round. It will stop, indeed, it stops for many every moment, every day, and someday it will stop for me too. I am curious, where on the wheel of time I will be when I arrive in a timeless state. I wonder if all experiences will conglomerate into one big ball of energy, which would be the new me. Will my spirit be able to handle all of it? It is a good question, for the nervous system of the human body can only take small portions of this grand reality at once, before a fissure erupts in the psyche.
Some call it madness, some call it a gift. Few can lead one through it, even fewer survive it. So here we are, floundering in a vast sea of awareness that was not here before. Embracing the unknown is a difficult task for fear is a substantial staple in this land, perhaps in many lands.
Twisted shadows in twisted minds hide in plain sight. Seeing the whole from the inside is difficult, impossible even. The only way is to step out of the box, turn around, and truly see. Death may occur, it often does but once seen, life will never be the same. Explaining to someone, anyone, impossible, for we can only comprehend what we’ve experienced, no more, as much as we’d wish to.
So yes, this journey is a solo one. There really is no one who can travel this path the way you can, the way I can. We have come equipped for a certain amount of tension, the skill is in keeping just taut enough, so we do not go limp, or snap into pieces. Like balancing a pencil on its tip, gently moving it in any direction to maintain its uprightness, this is our life.
Live without strings. You’ll be glad you took time to develop fortitude.