At the age of 18 something happened to my physical form.
I was rejected, humiliated, shamed, by many, by a so-called professional even. I became angry and rejected others in return. Years went by and the participants in shaming and rejecting me varied, yet it was a constant flow.
Eventually, after absorbing this shaming, this rejection, it seemed that these traits became my own.
I no longer needed others to reject me, to shame me … I carried these in my emotional field and applied to self, no longer needing an outside source to keep the ball rolling.
I carried anger … anger at the one who perpetrated it all. Anger toward self for putting myself in a situation like that. Blaming self and others … for years. This anger got all over everything and everyone.
After nearly 20 years of intense inner reflection and release, it just came up for me today that these things still reside in me, all surrounding the original trauma and all trauma that ensued related to it.
I discovered that my trigger is only a trigger because I still reject that part of myself … feeling dirty, untouchable, unapproachable ….
My life has been stern … often people do not approach me because it is felt, obvious that the energy of rejection was in and of me. People, fearing rejection themselves, stayed away.
I’m told to be careful of what I say. That others will take my weakness and use it against me. They may do that. Yet if I do not face this new and interestingly obvious realization, if I do not attempt to process it, absolve it, I cannot move into my true power. The energy of shame, blame, guilt, anger is so polluted it cannot sustain happiness for long … happy is eventually returned to its original state … the state of mind, the state of emotion, the state of non-acceptance it had been used to for 3.5 decades.
Habitual patterns and mindsets are difficult to see, yet once they are seen, it is ones personal responsibility to dissolve them, to process them, so love and happiness can become to new norm.
It is a choice … I would much rather be in a state of love and happiness. One can take on the whole world when in this state. See the chart below for a visual.
Love and happiness which comes up often, yet has difficulty being sustained.
A purge is necessary and needed … so off to my bath for a soak and relaxation, and an allowing of my higher self to assist me in absolving the decades old habitual pattern and replacing it with a new state of being.
Empty the old and stale, filling up with fresh and new, set with intention for the coming peace filled world I wish to help create, that I wish to belong in, that I wish to share with others.
Many of us have had unsavory childhoods and experiences beyond that.
In relationships with family or ‘friends’ we find that the emotional and/or mental wounds are constantly flicked, snipped and poked.
Triggers.
Reaction vs response.
Sometimes it is easy to simply walk away and shut the door. Sometimes we must endure … rejection, slander, anything that is an attempt to make us feel small or unsure of our worth, our value.
Defense mode kicks in when the triggers are flipped, fine if one can walk away and then settle down. But what happens when you walk away? Do you really solve the issue? Do you throw out this wonderful opportunity to expand, to align?
It is not sustainable to live in a constant state of agitation, allowing someone power over the emotional and mental well-being.
To counter, does one choose to close down emotionally? Creating blockages for the aggressor and those who wish to instill us with grace? Honoring us? Because if we close off to one, we close off to all … we cannot possibly be available 100% for anything when we construct barriers.
I’ve decided the best option is to look at the aggressor and their words, actions, behaviors and choose instead to thank them. To be in a state of gratitude for the trigger being uncovered, for the opportunity to see it clearly, to understand what caused it, and what brought me to be triggered.
No one likes to be rejected. Yet when we place too much importance on others outside ourselves rejecting us, we also reject our self … because we tense up, we fall into a state of agitation … perhaps shame, anger, contempt, anxiety.
Look at this chart which shows the energetic structure in the body when certain emotions are running rampant.
It does not show an image for gratitude, but it’s there somewhere between love and happiness, perhaps even becoming these two combined.
When someone triggers me, I look at the trigger, what is its source? For me just recently, it was rejection. I have an issue with that one for I have been rejected my whole life. It hurts … and so I usually counter rejection with an even more potent rejection. But look at that … anger, depression, shame.
I would rather expand, acknowledge why I am triggered … and choose not to fall in line with it all and actually reject myself.
I begin listing the reasons I am grateful to my aggressor. For the opportunity to see my trigger. For the opportunity to see its source, its root. For the opportunity to come into balance, working through emotional blockages. For the opportunity to understand and realize I am the only one that need accept or approve of me.
This then brings me to the idea of … what doIrespect and value about self? What things do not fall into alignment with this self-respect? How can I love the parts so many reject about me? Embracing them, learning the lessons they offer me, personally. In order to stand firm in this world we must be able to stand alone, without the need for outside approval.
In my younger years, I never knew love, only manipulation and a series of different types of abuse. When I got out on my own, I picked up where others left off, becoming my own worst abuser … which brought shame and a deep sense of rejection of self.
For the last near 20 years I’ve been training myself to become someone I can respect, even love. Breaking habitual patterns and replacing them with new, beneficial patterns. Yes, there are certain residuals from my previous life that clutch to me like a bad habit … and they will remain, so I must change my perspective, and love them, so I am better able to love the whole me.
What others think of me is their business … and they make it my opportunity when they decide to be emotionally or otherwise aggressive. For it is when I face these things that true strength and power begin to solidify in myself … in my emotional body, in my mental body.
If someone wishes to possess me, my being, my thoughts, my self, it is easy to be loud, reject, deny … yet again, the vibe falls, shitty ass feelings arise. So instead, I focus on possessing self, wholly … all mine, mine all mine, me, me, me, love, love, love … not anyone’s property or possession … mine alone, and I share it with whomI will.
Acceptance must always begin with self … the triggers will never dissipate unless we develop this.
Acceptance of self is not arrogance … which some confuse it with. Being haughty they’ll tell the whole world to F-off, without ever looking at the triggers, denying they exist. Not even aware that they have so many barriers in place no one can truly enter the ‘private’ zone.
Acceptance of self requires deep, deep hard looks at the sour issues being toted around from year to year.
Until this hard look is made, and the willingness to put pain and shame to rest is made, life will be mastered by anyone who chooses to manipulate the emotions … and it will be easy for them to do.
Looking at this triggered experience I’ve come to understand it exists because I am rejecting this portion of self. The trigger is my denial. It is I who must come to love my dirty spaces unconditionally. Until I do, I will forever be triggered by outside aggressors.
Be grateful for the aggressor, embrace the gifts of opportunity they provide, and know that soon, should you do the work, the aggressor will no longer be needed for lessons, and they can simply be walked away from.
Today is a day to focus on attention. Sometimes life seems to go past me in a blur, days running into nights, nights running into days. I can slow life down just by paying attention to it. Today I will notice and be attentive to everything around me – people, places, things, animals, the weather. I will pay attention to what people say. I will pay attention to the color of the sky, the songs of the birds. I will pay attention to my own thoughts and words and ideas and remember to send positive ones into the universe so that they may be made manifest.
Know that what is happening around you is divinely inspired. Learn from your current experiences, then share them with others.
There is a Great Teacher in your life, or within you. Either way, you have dedicated a lot of time, effort and energy to understanding yourself and the world. You are having spiritual experiences at this time and gaining a greater awareness of what you need to do in order to grow. There is a great chance that if you’ve been having any challenges recently, you’ve surmounted them and allowed them to be the vehicles to lessons that are helping your spiritual connection. If you feel that you’ve received messages from heaven or the universe recently, this is confirmation that these have indeed been holy experiences.
Enjoy Growth and Reap Rewards
Reap what you have sown and enjoy the fruits of your labor. Grow and expand in all areas of your life.
Fertility, growth and abundance are all imminent. All the seeds you have planted are coming to life and there are plenty more rewards to come. In a material sense, this could mean financial security and comfort – there will be more than enough to go around. If you are making business deals or setting intentions to create financial growth, there is indication a considerable amount of monetary success is coming. Other forms of abundance may be arriving – opportunities, marriage proposals and even the birth of a child. You are being helped to respect nature and connect with its forces in order to have a genuinely supported journey through life.
Reading from the deck “Angels and Ancestors” oracle cards created by Kyle Gray
meaning: Everybody is a person, a person, a person, a person, a person, a person, and a person.
The number 111 is a very powerful number, and signifies manifesting and manifestation of thoughts into reality.
This number is a combination of energy and attributes of the numbers 1 and the Master Number 11.
The number 1 signifies independence, motivation, uniqueness, new beginnings, leadership, progress, moving forward, inspiration and achieving success.
The number 11 signifies understanding your soul mission and purpose on this earth.
As a combination of these energies, the angel number 111 signifies spiritual awakening and enlightenment, inspiration, high energy, intuition and sensitivity.
The number 111 carries the vibration of leadership, creativity and independence, as well as optimism and tolerance of others. Its essence is also joy, inspiration, interactions with others, communication and self – sufficiency.
Number 1119 is a message that a phase, cycle or situation in your life is coming to an end, and/or your goals have almost come to fruition. Remain positive throughout these transitions and look forward to wonderful new beginnings and auspicious opportunities.
Number 911 is a highly karmic and spiritual number that encourages you to pursue yourlife purpose and soul missionas a lightworker. It tells of leadership and living life as a positive example in order to illuminate the way for others to follow. Number 911 is a vibration of spiritual enlightenment and awareness and of reaping karmic rewards for work well done.
Number 911 indicates that a new door has opened up for you as a product of your positive thoughts, intentions and actions. Make the most of this opportunity and walk forward with confidence and surety, knowing that you are fulfilling your karmic destiny.
Number 911 suggests that your goals are almost complete, and/or that you are coming to the end of a phase or cycle in your life. It is an indication that one door is closing and another is opening. The message is to allow the ‘old’ to be released so it is able to be replaced with the ‘new’.
Be bold and mighty forces will aid you. Take action. Good luck favors the brave.
This day I will start a new journey. I will not wait until everything is just right. I know there will always be challenges, obstacles, and imperfect conditions. So what! I will get started now. With each step I will grow stronger, more skilled, and more confident. I will take a risk and I will succeed.
Strength is gentle. True kindness has wings. Love in action endures.
This day I will let kindness grow in me. I will be gentle with myself and give my soul the love it deserves. I will focus on everlasting love and let it gently flow into the world. I am alive, my gratitude knows no bounds, and my heart now overflows with love and kindness.
Immense delight can be found in the smallest of things. Cultivate fluttering moments of joy.
This day I give myself permission to be happy. I will laugh and laugh some more. I will spread my wings of joy and soar. I now let go of the past and live in the present moment. I am a beautiful, smart, creative heart on a journey towards ultimate happiness.
Elegance is found in the beauty of nature. The lotus waiting to bloom. Be the swan on the water and glide.
This day I will give thanks for the miracle that is me. For I, who was once an ugly duckling, have become something more. I will see the beauty in myself, others, and nature even when things are not perfect. I know that what I become depends on what I’ve overcome. I will find my rhythm, glide on the waves, and I will be a swan.
Banish the fog of illusion. Open your eyes to the truth. Remember the perfection of who you are.
This day I will be myself in a world that is constantly trying to make me something else. I will remember my true self and honor him/her. I will walk away from all of the confusion, drop illusions, and remember this truth; I am a powerful being, I have a clear mind, and I am a miracle in this world.
Reading from the deck “Magical Times” Empowerment cards created by Jody Bergsma
What if our religion was each other. If our practice was our life If prayer, our words. What if the temple was the Earth If forests were our church If holy water–the rivers, lakes, and ocean. What if meditation was our relationships If the teacher was life If wisdom was self-knowledge If love was the center of our being. ~ Ganga White
Yesterday I received 99 and 999 … Today it is 108, and 111008 (108 amplified).
Looking up this combination I find …
108 and the universe
The diameter of the Sun is 108 times the diameter of the Earth and the average distance of the Sun and the Moon to Earth is 108 times their respective diameters. Mathematicians from the Vedic tradition came to view 108 as the number representing the wholeness of existence.
108 and the divine
In the Hindu tradition, there are 108 attendants of Shiva. In Gaudiya Vaishnavism, Lord Krishna in Brindavan had 108 followers. The words of the Buddha are recorded in the Tibetan Kangyur in 108 volumes. A bell is chimed 108 times in Buddhist temples in Japan to finish the old year and welcome the new one.
108 and the human body
There are 108 marma points, considered to be sacred places in the body. In Ayurveda, these pressure points are seen as vital for giving life to living beings for it is at these points that consciousness and flesh intersect. Additionally, there are 108 nadis, or energy lines, which converge to form the heart chakra.
108 and the tradition of yoga
According to yogic tradition, there are 108 sacred sites known as pithas, throughout India. There are 108 Upanishads and 108 Puranas. There are 54 letters in Sanskrit, where each can be seen as either masculine (Shiva) or feminine (Shakti), and therefore totalling 108.
108 and the practice of yoga and meditation
In yoga, the number 108 has significance as the number representing spiritual completion. Sun salutations are often performed in nine rounds of the 12 postures which totals 108 poses. A yoga mala consists of 108 sun salutations. Pranayama is also often completed in cycles of 108. A mala is traditionally a string of 108 prayer beads with a guru bead. As you pray, you move along the beads, reciting your chosen mantra 108 times. As we practice chanting, breath work, or asana in rounds of this sacred number, we become aligned with the rhythm of the universe and the energy of the divine source.
Also found for this number:
Number 108 is a combination of the attributes and energies of number 1, number 0 and number 8. Number 1 lends its vibrations of new beginnings, vivacity, stepping out of your comfort zone, intuition and insight, striving for success, attainment and happiness. Number 0 carries the vibration of the God force and Universal Energies, and its energies emphasize and amplify the attributes of the numbers it appears with. Number 0 a message to do with developing one’s spiritual aspects and is considered to represent the beginning of a spiritual journey and highlights the uncertainties that may entail. It suggests that you listen to your intuition and higher-self as this is where you will find your answers. Number 8 resonates with manifesting positive abundance, personal power and authority, a desire for peace and a love of humanity and world transformation, giving and receiving and the Universal Spiritual Law of Cause and Effect – karma. Number 8 is a ‘power’ number.
Angel Number 108 is a message of support and encouragement from your angels. They ask that you think only positive thoughts to do with your wealth, prosperity and abundance. Angel Number 108 is a message that you are to keep your focus on attaining positive results and fulfillment, rather than worrying about lack or loss, as when you have high expectations and maintain a positive attitude the angels and Universal Energies help you to manifest your highest ideals and achieve success in all that you put your intentions and efforts towards. The angels want you to know that positive things are manifesting around you at a rapid rate right now, so make the most of them.
Angel Number 108 is also a reminder that the energies we put out to the Universe are returned to us.
Angel Number 108 may be suggesting that you are nearing the end of a phase or cycle in your life, and the angels want you to realize that new opportunities will appear for you in due course. Your angels ask that you not stress about present circumstances, as ‘better’ is on it’s way into your life. Do not fear lack or loss as the end of a situation or cycle denotes the beginning of a prosperous new opportunity (or opportunities). The angels ask you to have faith and trust in them, and in yourself and remember that all happens in Divine right time.
What messages are you receiving? They are there, waiting for you to take notice. Remember to refer to the thought form you are having when the numbers appear for you.
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