For nearly two decades I’ve listened to taunting, to threats, to those insulting my bodily form and my thought processes.
I’ve been degraded and verbally abused by some of the most ridiculous manipulative groups I’ve ever encountered.
They are doing it to many people these days.
Then a woman said, “I’m going to help her.”
She sounded like a goddess, a power house of a woman.
Gratefully, I began to listen.
A man came on board. Amazingly, he knew just how to speak to me to get my attention and cooperation.
I’ve had a male friend for 30 years. We spoke this afternoon and he said, “You were one of the very first people to make masks, and you don’t like to wear them.” I said, “Afer all these years, you still don’t know me. I made them, because other people needed them.”
Many men just don’t get it. They want to insist, or demand an action, way of being, or response to whatever …
(Image of Tasha Tudor, American Illustrator 1915-2008)
In difficult times, you move forward in small steps. Do what you have to do, but little by little. Don’t think about the future, or what may happen tomorrow. Wash the dishes. Remove the dust. Write a letter. Make a soup. You see? You are advancing step by step. Take a step and stop. Rest a little. Praise yourself. Take another step. Then another. You won’t notice, but your steps will grow more and more. And the time will come when you can think about the future without crying.
Sometimes I wonder If Mary breastfed Jesus. If she cried out when he bit her Or if she sobbed when he would not latch.
And sometimes I wonder If this is all too vulgar To ask in a church Full of men Without milk stains on their shirts Or coconut oil on their breasts Preaching from pulpits off limits to the Mother of God.
But then I think of feeding Jesus, Birthing Jesus, The expulsion of blood And smell of sweat, The salt of a mother’s tears Onto the soft head of the Salt of the Earth, Feeling lonely And tired Hungry Annoyed Overwhelmed Loving
And I think, If the vulgarity of birth is not Honestly preached By men who carry power but not burden, Who carry privilege but not labor, Who carry authority but not submission, Then it should not be preached at all.
Because the real scandal of the Birth of God Lies in the cracked nipples of a 14 year old And not in the sermons of ministers Who say women Are too delicate To lead.
When they see you as a strong woman, they think that you do not need anything or anyone, you can bear everything and will overcome whatever happens. That you do not mind being listened to, cared for or pampered.
When they see you as a strong woman, they just look for you to help them carry their crosses. They talk to you and they think you do not need to be heard.
A strong woman is not asked if she is tired, suffering or falling, if she has anxiety or fear. The important thing is that she is always there: a lighthouse in the fog or a rock in the middle of the sea.
The strong woman is not forgiven anything. If she loses control, she becomes weak. If she loses her temper, she becomes hysterical.
When the strong woman disappears a minute, it is immediately noticeable, but when she is there, her presence is usual.
But the strength that is needed every day, to be that kind of woman, does not matter to anyone.
Honor, recognize, respect and thank the strong women in your life, because they also need to be restrained, loved and feel that they can rest.
I live in a way now that if something feels broke, I fix it.
I don’t often lament anymore. Or get stuck in shame, or talk to my mom about it for hours or get everyone’s opinion or eat a bag of whatever.
I do something about it.
For example: Yesterday I was having a real AF relationship check-in with my husband, we hit a painful spot, and decided to get coaching ON THE SPOT.
We got clarity, excitement, closeness, and spent the rest of the day in bliss. The ease that we get when we have nowhere to be and no schedule to keep under other than the spaciousness of going on adventures and experiencing the world together, is incredible.
If something feels like it hurts in my relationships, I lean in and figure it out. I refuse to walk around in pain or allow my loved ones to be in pain.
I often face panic whenever I’d look at my bank account. After a year of feeling like shit, I decided to get some training on money and been rocking my woman on fire programs ever since, that continue to book up effortlessly and with so much fun.
Whenever I look at my bank account, all of my bills have been paid and I still have more than enough. It is an unreal feeling.
If something feels unclear or uncomfortable? I have a conversation right away, or at least I want to.
If something doesn’t feel quite right? I inquire about it and get to the bottom of it.
To allow something to be crunchy, uncomfortable, or unfinished, or not to speak to what I perceive to be an elephant in the room and figure it out, THAT is where I struggle.
To sit in the UNKNOWING and have no idea how something is moving or what is happening, that is when I start to freak out.
Not when I feel like I can act, repair, create, influence, make something.
I know I’m not alone in this:
High achievers, perfectionists, emotionally mature humans, we can have a real hard time with having a hard time.
Letting it not feel that good, and not making a story about it or heaping judgements on self or others. Not RUNNING from the thing that feels momentarily unsolvable, and instead, making space for all of the uncomfortable unclear feelings that come along with it.
In woman on fire, we learn how to sit in the fire. Unharmed. Freaking the FOOK OUT or going numb, running away or leaning in, and learning self-compassion and gentleness. Learning how to take a breath and make enough space for a feeling until it reveals your heart underneath. It reveals a need you didn’t realize you had, or a desire you have been ignoring.
We get to NOT BE PERFECT, and stay with it anyway. If we fail or succeed or are loved or hated, it makes no difference, for how we learn to show up for ourselves is what keeps us in the fire. Everything that is not meant to be, burns slowly and steadily away. So our aliveness can wake up fully.
Reach out to me to chat to see if this community is for you. For the ones who are tired from running from their fire and ready to embrace it.
It’s getting kinda sexy up in here, your cup spillith over.
Ya all soaking up that 5D 40 HERTZ Gamma liquid plasma light & it’s low key opening up your kundalini & transforming you into a divine lady of light & damn …
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