All posts tagged Emotion

Grateful For The Aggressor

Published August 26, 2020 by tindertender

We have all had them at one point or another.

Many of us have had unsavory childhoods and experiences beyond that.

In relationships with family or ‘friends’ we find that the emotional and/or mental wounds are constantly flicked, snipped and poked.


Reaction vs response.

Sometimes it is easy to simply walk away and shut the door. Sometimes we must endure … rejection, slander, anything that is an attempt to make us feel small or unsure of our worth, our value.

Defense mode kicks in when the triggers are flipped, fine if one can walk away and then settle down. But what happens when you walk away? Do you really solve the issue? Do you throw out this wonderful opportunity to expand, to align?

It is not sustainable to live in a constant state of agitation, allowing someone power over the emotional and mental well-being.

To counter, does one choose to close down emotionally? Creating blockages for the aggressor and those who wish to instill us with grace? Honoring us? Because if we close off to one, we close off to all … we cannot possibly be available 100% for anything when we construct barriers.

I’ve decided the best option is to look at the aggressor and their words, actions, behaviors and choose instead to thank them. To be in a state of gratitude for the trigger being uncovered, for the opportunity to see it clearly, to understand what caused it, and what brought me to be triggered.

No one likes to be rejected. Yet when we place too much importance on others outside ourselves rejecting us, we also reject our self … because we tense up, we fall into a state of agitation … perhaps shame, anger, contempt, anxiety.

Look at this chart which shows the energetic structure in the body when certain emotions are running rampant.

It does not show an image for gratitude, but it’s there somewhere between love and happiness, perhaps even becoming these two combined.

When someone triggers me, I look at the trigger, what is its source? For me just recently, it was rejection. I have an issue with that one for I have been rejected my whole life. It hurts … and so I usually counter rejection with an even more potent rejection. But look at that … anger, depression, shame.

I would rather expand, acknowledge why I am triggered … and choose not to fall in line with it all and actually reject myself.

I begin listing the reasons I am grateful to my aggressor. For the opportunity to see my trigger. For the opportunity to see its source, its root. For the opportunity to come into balance, working through emotional blockages. For the opportunity to understand and realize I am the only one that need accept or approve of me.

This then brings me to the idea of … what do I respect and value about self? What things do not fall into alignment with this self-respect? How can I love the parts so many reject about me? Embracing them, learning the lessons they offer me, personally. In order to stand firm in this world we must be able to stand alone, without the need for outside approval.

In my younger years, I never knew love, only manipulation and a series of different types of abuse. When I got out on my own, I picked up where others left off, becoming my own worst abuser … which brought shame and a deep sense of rejection of self.

For the last near 20 years I’ve been training myself to become someone I can respect, even love. Breaking habitual patterns and replacing them with new, beneficial patterns. Yes, there are certain residuals from my previous life that clutch to me like a bad habit … and they will remain, so I must change my perspective, and love them, so I am better able to love the whole me.

What others think of me is their business … and they make it my opportunity when they decide to be emotionally or otherwise aggressive. For it is when I face these things that true strength and power begin to solidify in myself … in my emotional body, in my mental body.

If someone wishes to possess me, my being, my thoughts, my self, it is easy to be loud, reject, deny … yet again, the vibe falls, shitty ass feelings arise. So instead, I focus on possessing self, wholly … all mine, mine all mine, me, me, me, love, love, love … not anyone’s property or possession … mine alone, and I share it with whom I will.

Acceptance must always begin with self … the triggers will never dissipate unless we develop this.

Acceptance of self is not arrogance … which some confuse it with. Being haughty they’ll tell the whole world to F-off, without ever looking at the triggers, denying they exist. Not even aware that they have so many barriers in place no one can truly enter the ‘private’ zone.

Acceptance of self requires deep, deep hard looks at the sour issues being toted around from year to year.

Until this hard look is made, and the willingness to put pain and shame to rest is made, life will be mastered by anyone who chooses to manipulate the emotions … and it will be easy for them to do.

Looking at this triggered experience I’ve come to understand it exists because I am rejecting this portion of self. The trigger is my denial. It is I who must come to love my dirty spaces unconditionally. Until I do, I will forever be triggered by outside aggressors.

Be grateful for the aggressor, embrace the gifts of opportunity they provide, and know that soon, should you do the work, the aggressor will no longer be needed for lessons, and they can simply be walked away from.

Moods, In Animal-Speak

Published July 30, 2020 by tindertender

Moods that are heavy for the heart are common … we’ve all experienced them.

Let us focus on consciously creating an upward momentum.

It starts with gratitude.

Even when you are angry, depressed, or extremely sad … look within and ‘force’ yourself to start a list of gratitude.

It can be simple things, such as you have hair, or you have vision, you can walk and talk … etcetera.

Start small, and watch your list grow, and you MOOD lift.

You’ve got everything you need to conquer the mind …

Master your emotions.

Do not be mastered BY them.

YOU have the Power.

Oracle Reading 7-18-2020

Published July 18, 2020 by tindertender

Guardian King of the North: His time is midnight, and the element he guards is Air. He is seen holding a mongoose, which is spitting jewels in his left hand, and a banner of victory over the most deadly emotions in his right hand.

The Air Dragon: You’re able to fulfill your life’s ambitions and have perfected your positive actions. Instinctively, you’re in the right place at the right time because of your good karma. This wisdom controls your five senses and helps you to perfect good deeds.

Guardian King of the East: His time is dawn, and the element he guards is Water. He is seen playing gentle music on his lute, which soothes the angry mind and brings calm to the world.

Connections: Don’t close yourself off from others. Try not to withdraw into your shell and become unwilling to learn or accept life’s lessons. Whether you like it or not, we’re all connected.

The Water Dragon: Remember that you must look in the mirror for the answers to your issues with anger.

Reading from the deck “5 Keys to Happiness” created by Gordon Smith and Dronma

Photo: https://unsplash.com/@tengyart

8 Factors That Contribute Greatly to Emotional and Mental Stability

Published July 9, 2020 by tindertender

~ The Absence of suspicion and resentment. Nursing a grudge is a major factor in unhappiness.

~ Not living in the past. An unwholesome preoccupation with old mistakes and failures leads to depression.

~ Not wasting time and energy fighting conditions, you cannot change. Cooperate with life, instead of trying to run away from it.

~ Force yourself to stay involved with the living world. Resist the temptation to withdraw and become reclusive during periods of emotional stress.

~ Refuse to indulge in self-pity when life hands you a raw deal. Accept the fact that nobody gets through life without some sorrow and misfortune.

~ Cultivate the old-fashioned virtues-love, humor, compassion, and loyalty.

~ Do not expect too much of yourself. When there is too wide a gap between self-expectation and your ability to meet the goals you have set, feelings of inadequacy are inevitable.

~ Find something bigger than yourself to believe in. Self-centered, egotistical people score lowest in any test for measuring happiness.

Source: Duke University Study on Happiness.

Photo: https://unsplash.com/@cristianpalmer

Feelings ….

Published April 21, 2020 by tindertender

Those feelings you most want aren’t going to come from somewhere new, someone special, or something wonderful.

They’re going to come from within, where they now wait for your permission to be released – often in terms of somewhere new, someone special, or something wonderful.

Permission granted,

~ The Universe


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