All posts tagged Emotion

She Remembers

Published March 10, 2017 by tindertender


She remembers in the beginning it seemed so beautiful, and later became something so ugly. As the years went by she experienced this wave … in and out of ugly betrayal … lies, twisted to make it seem she was at fault some how, for a time she believed it.

Today she silently (and sometimes not so silently) observes. She tells herself that she will not become an angry person set on revenge, or vindictiveness. She holds herself to Love. She has learned that even through the abuse, she still loves herself. She treats herself gently, and when she looks at herself in a mirror she practices looking deeply into her own eyes. There is an intensity there, and sometimes she wonders who it is staring back at her.

There are moments of instinctive responses, a lashing out hotly in verbal defense. Yet she notices straight away, and she pulls back her energy, breathing, transforming it into something beneficial … for her health, for peace of mind, and for a healing to be possible for all witnesses.

This alchemy is difficult.

She once said that being young was the hardest thing she ever did. Today, she knows that this shift she works on inside her own mind and heart is the hardest work she has ever set out to do. It is not something that can be left behind, clock out for the night and relax for the evening. It is something that requires attention every waking moment, with all relationships and meetings, even brief encounters with those she does not know.

She is aware that in order to achieve peace in the world, she must develop peace within herself. She watches others in her daily affairs, she interacts and she observes her emotions when they rise and fall, cresting into a huge wave, which she notices and then pulls back.

Achieving balance requires effort. She thinks of being a child on the teeter-totter with a friend, back and forth they would rock. The weight difference between the two could upset the scale and more effort would be required … much like the weight of emotion, it flies high, and then falls low. The goal is to catch it before it flies too high and lower it to a reasonable level.

Exercising the mind is different than lifting weights, no one sees how hard one might be working, in the silence, quietly, while looking into the eyes of another. Quickly, or slowly, thoughts may be moving while the observer is completely unaware.

She opens her mind to the possibility of a bright future, one in which Love will be the normal way of thinking. Some day, when people embrace each other, it will not conjure thoughts of lust, shame, or fear. It will be a genuine acknowledgement of, and appreciation for, each other. It will be a deep soul love, the love of family.

Yes, she remembers. She remembers golden grasses, clear running waters, birds singing and wildlife roaming. She remembers the wind in the leaves of trees, the feel of the sun on her face, and the view of three bends in the river as she swayed in the wind at the top of the tallest tree she ever climbed. She remembers beauty. She remembers peace. She remembers joy and connection with the Sacred Love.


Emotional Survival

Published March 5, 2017 by tindertender

“You’re hurtful!” she wanted to scream. She was tired of the name calling, she was fighting for the ability to love herself, yet she constantly heard, “That’s dumb” or, “You’re fat” or something derogatory about her heritage, among so many other terms that threatened to strip her of confidence. One minute receiving praise, and the next being torn down. It made no sense when the one behaving in this manner claimed to care.

Saddened, she toyed with the thought of distancing herself. She already knows she likes her own company, yet how does she stop being available for another when she believes these things aren’t intended to be hurtful? Is she lying to herself?

Judgements, Easy To Lay Out

Published February 22, 2017 by tindertender

Judgements. They are easy to toss about, simple judgements, on the way a person may wear their hair. I’ve recently been told I should not wear my hair so short because I look like this or that (insert derogatory remark here).

I am not concerning myself with what someone may judge me as by the way my hair looks, or the way I dress, or the way I speak, being open, transparent, honest. I am living life and practicing freedom, growing self acceptance, and I do not need anyone to confirm that for me. Yes, love is my future … and I hope you are practicing it as well.

We have become very good at self loathing, and projecting that loathing onto others. We have become very good at causing pain in the world, so good at it, we often do not even recognize when we are doing it.

It is time. It is time to take a good look at ourselves, dig deep into the “why’s”. Why do we do the things we do that hurt others? Why, when we look in the mirror do we tell ourselves everything that is wrong about what we see, instead of everything that is right, and good?

Who in the hell trained us this way, and WHY??

I am throwing that crap away, because that is just what it is. This crap will be recycled and transformed into something useful. I now know very well what it is like to live according to societies judgements. NOW it is time to live by my own.

I will not allow harmful and hurtful thoughts into my world. If they do creep in, they won’t be there long, for I will move that energetic form into something positive.

This is where it starts. In our minds. It does not have anything to do with what he said, or she said. It has everything to do with what WE say. In our world, WE are the creators, and we get to choose what will be in that world.

Do you wish to live in a world of beauty and love? Or that which we have become accustomed to?

Choice. It has been, and always will be, ours.

Choose well.
I wish for you a loving heart.
It feels so much better that the alternative.


I’ll Stand By You

Published February 16, 2017 by tindertender

This morning I have this song running repeatedly through my mind, and I share it with you, for this is the message I give, which was given to me, and we share … as a whole, this is what will bring us through these dark times.

Let us lift each other, for I know that it is hard, and it may seem that we have an impossible mountain to climb, yet it is NOT impossible, when we hold each other tight and become the unstoppable.


Emotions, Flowing Like Water

Published February 15, 2017 by tindertender

Rain falls from the sky, everything it touches gets wet. Some may say get me my umbrella, and others recognize the blessing of it. The rain washes away the grime, allows crops to grow, trees to flourish and rivers to fill, cycling through the crud being poured into them.

Life is like this. Many of us might have similar experiences yet some will run for cover, really disliking what is happening, and others may say yea, it’s not so pleasant but there is a lesson here, and then others might just start dancing, kicking up the water of that experience and laugh.

I try to have fun with it, I dig deep into an event or experience and I feel it fully. I am so grateful for feelings! At times it can be overwhelming, truly, yet I remind myself, at one point or another, what a gift it is. It is hard to see the gift, sometimes the packaging is really ugly … sometimes that packaging has barbed wire on it and it really hurts to open. Once open though, when we sit with it for awhile, we begin to see the beauty of it.

Image result for pictures of emotions like rainEmotions. I watch them as they flow through me. Sometimes they are so thick I cannot see them until later, when my breathing has slowed, heart no longer pounding, and my mind has stopped spinning. Crazy as it seems, it is much like when I quit smoking.

Here comes an emotion, oh how I would like to spout off some choice words (and at times I do) most of the time I sit with it, I wait, and five minutes later, it passes, just like the craving for that cigarette. The more often I sit and not react right away, the easier it is to watch it flow by, like water. Pretty soon I can see the ripeness of it about to burst, and then … ease.

I have heard many say I am not the one feeling, but the one observing the feeling. I was a bit baffled by this, however the more I pay attention to what is flowing through my mind, the more I understand. And then I think, but do I, really?

imagesBNQIUWTW (2)I remember I do not know anything in reality, the moment I think I know a thing, it changes, sometimes I am surprised but more often than not these days, I’ve come to expect it to change, for I know … nothing remains the same.

I am so glad I do not know what is coming, or what this life will evolve in to. It is exciting, a bit scary, and yes I drag my heals about change, but eventually the fear of it must be embraced. It is the only way to grow, to move beyond, into the next adventure. Looking back on this life I see the courage it took to make headway, stretching the comfort zone, (whether I wanted to or not), change will indeed continue to happen, it’s part of the natural law.

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