To stand for your convictions and your beliefs is one of the most important and noble things you can do. Even more so now that every belief and action is being challenged one day after another.
The world is changing, it shifted from a slow transition to ferocious chaos and stupidity. Something this radical always has an agenda behind it, it’s up to you to see that agenda and act accordingly.
We are being herded and prodded like cattle. When is enough, enough, when do you become defiant, when do you stand up for yourself? Your family? Your tribe?
The longer you follow in suit the weaker you become. It’s time to walk against the current, it’s time to be the rock hard object that water breaks upon!
Morning: Today is a day to focus on the strength that I must have in order to do what I need to do. There are many kinds of strength ~ strength of character, the strength of my body, the strength of my beliefs. I can be called on at any time to use one or all of them. I can be strong when I need to be, and use my strength to protect, to defend, to withstand. I can use all of my strengths today, wisely and meaningfully, as and when I need to.
Evening: I know that I did my best today to focus on strength in all its forms. Tonight I rest knowing that when I needed to, I did my utmost to use my strength of body, mind and spirit.
I did many things. All that I embodied, I teach in woman on fire. One thing I did was I started hanging out with people that made me uncomfortable with how happy they were.
Not people who wanted something from me. Not people who distracted me awhile from my own shit, by always having a bigger catastrophe.
I started being with people who dwelled in possibility.
Who had no limit to the fun they had in their lives. To the love.
No unending pain. No sob story. Just ease.
They treated me well, which made me feel on edge. I was no longer being used by others, heavily leaned on, my boundaries weren’t always being obliterated by an immediate need of someone else.
Could I trust that? Did I want that?
I did not feel worthy.
I thought it was only a matter of time until they realized I was full of shit. I was some shaken broken being.
There was no passive aggressiveness.
So I was either bored, uncomfortable, or a little of both.
It was incredibly confronting.
Pretty soon they would realize I was NOT one of them. I was, “The Other.”
Depressed. Trauma in my background. Confusion. Self-esteem was shaky.
Made mistakes.
But they did not see that in me.
They saw and loved my essence. They helped me begin to trust myself. Trust them.
I forced myself out of the house. Into the hearts and lives of others.
I forced myself to get out of my head, which was very frightening in the early stages of depression.
To grow, you must sit with the discomfort of being with powerful people.
People who are not sad all the time.
People who are not living in regret.
People who embrace who they are and speak up.
People who are not apologetic about what is healthiest for them.
People who when they don’t like something, tell you to your face.
People who are CREATING their lives instead of reacting to their lives. Showing you it’s truly possible to do the impossible.
There will be plenty of people in arrested development:
trying to smoke
f*ck
whine
drug
complain away their lives.
You cannot surround yourself with them.
You get to be with ones that can make you jealous by how much they decide they get to have.
In woman on fire we use jealousy as a tool for intimacy. We name it, claim it, so it doesn’t get in the way. It actually becomes a GIFT to the person receiving it. What is possible when we all are showing up fully is more good than we ever thought possible.
To letting in the good. You don’t have to push it away anymore.
Invisible John or Jane Doe’s have no say in the personal character of others. Remember this next time you hear a negative “whisper” disguised as your own voice, or anything that attempts to steer you emotionally.
Decades old pain arose, surprising me, for I thought I had put it to rest. Well, I did put it to rest … without the proper processing necessary first.
I cried for a whole day. And even some on the second day.
I told myself to stop living in the past, to push it aside, to shut off the tears, to ‘woman’ up.
And then I spoke to some very dear friends, one of which asked me this:
Do you take a shower to wash your body?
I said, yes.
She said, “Tears are a cleansing for the soul. It washes it pure after trauma, or heartbreak of any kind.”
She explained to me that I should NEVER shut down my tears, that I should pay very close attention to what is being “washed away”, to feel it thoroughly and then release it.
After this talk, I vow to never put a damper on my tears, never to put the breaks on any release of past hurt or trauma.
I will allow my tears to wash my pain.
I will permit the process of healing in my person.