Depression

All posts tagged Depression

HOW I GOT FREE FROM DEPRESSION

Published July 6, 2020 by tindertender

Written by Maria Palumbo

I did many things. All that I embodied, I teach in woman on fire. One thing I did was I started hanging out with people that made me uncomfortable with how happy they were.

Not people who wanted something from me. Not people who distracted me awhile from my own shit, by always having a bigger catastrophe.

I started being with people who dwelled in possibility.

Who had no limit to the fun they had in their lives. To the love.

No unending pain. No sob story. Just ease.

They treated me well, which made me feel on edge. I was no longer being used by others, heavily leaned on, my boundaries weren’t always being obliterated by an immediate need of someone else.

Could I trust that? Did I want that?

I did not feel worthy.

I thought it was only a matter of time until they realized I was full of shit. I was some shaken broken being.

There was no passive aggressiveness.

So I was either bored, uncomfortable, or a little of both.

It was incredibly confronting.

Pretty soon they would realize I was NOT one of them. I was, “The Other.”

Depressed. Trauma in my background. Confusion. Self-esteem was shaky.

Made mistakes.

But they did not see that in me.

They saw and loved my essence. They helped me begin to trust myself. Trust them.

I forced myself out of the house. Into the hearts and lives of others.

I forced myself to get out of my head, which was very frightening in the early stages of depression.

To grow, you must sit with the discomfort of being with powerful people.

People who are not sad all the time.

People who are not living in regret.

People who embrace who they are and speak up.

People who are not apologetic about what is healthiest for them.

People who when they don’t like something, tell you to your face.

People who are CREATING their lives instead of reacting to their lives. Showing you it’s truly possible to do the impossible.

There will be plenty of people in arrested development:

trying to smoke

f*ck

whine

drug

complain away their lives.

You cannot surround yourself with them.

You get to be with ones that can make you jealous by how much they decide they get to have.

In woman on fire we use jealousy as a tool for intimacy. We name it, claim it, so it doesn’t get in the way. It actually becomes a GIFT to the person receiving it. What is possible when we all are showing up fully is more good than we ever thought possible.

To letting in the good. You don’t have to push it away anymore.

Pm to join us.

https://www.facebook.com/maria.palumbo.loves
https://mariapalumbo.com/

HOW A DEPRESSED PERSON STAYS DEPRESSED

Published June 29, 2020 by tindertender

Written by Maria Palumbo: https://mariapalumbo.com/; https://www.facebook.com/maria.palumbo.loves

Surround yourself with people who talk at you, instead of with you. People whose problems always seem worse than yours.

Those that like to hear themselves talk. Who use you as a sounding board. They are always facing something they need to get off their chest.

Surround yourself with people who always have a new pain they need you for. Using your touch, your energy, as a way to reduce their discomfort.

Caretake their needs. They need more help than you do, you rationalize. Therefore you never have too many emotional needs. You never ask for help, for you can see how lonely
Needy
Vulnerable
Other people are.

Let yourself s*xually and/or emotionally give to them, as a service. It is too hard creating boundaries. You don’t mind just being who people need you to be at all times.

How depressed people stay depressed, is by never getting angry. Always bending over backwards and being flexible.

Choosing loved ones that mimic dad or mom. People who ignore
Invalidate
Who you are.
People that lean too hard on you at all times.

Have an ex lover? Or someone you are interested in? Stay energetically open to connecting with them, even when the relationship is unclear or unhealthy. When it gets in the way of you trusting and deepening with someone else.

Have frequent daily reminders of this relationship around, always taking you out of the present moment. Unconsciously making you hope for or live for the possibility of connecting with them.

Keep photos of the past, the ones who have died to you literally or metaphorically. Do not replace them with photos that reflect what is true today.

Live in a mental graveyard of the dead. Of regret. What happened always making you fear what COULD happen.

Love people who do not really care too much either way. Who encourage your addictions to suffering and loss of self, because they get something out of it. Because you have more focus and energy on them, when you do not treat yourself all that great. They can always get what they want when you don’t honor who you are.

It is easy to be a master at being depressed, especially during the aftermath of continual attack and murders of people of color. We are also facing the numbers of deaths crawling back up from the virus. You must, MUST, be even more diligent on owning your energetic boundaries
Asking for help.
Getting good help.
Being with people who see you, instead of use you as an escape.
Be with people that you cannot escape with because they want to look into your eyes and feel you really looking back.

Do not stay in the cozy prison of your numbness. It will only get worse there. Get help, even if you do not know what to say. Let people love you, by speaking up. Let people see you, by letting yourself be seen.

Depression makes you think no one really cares all that much anyway. So why bother? The truth is the world deeply cares. Especially the moment you decide you are worthy of being cared for.

You are precious even now. Especially now.

To your preciousness.

Love,
Maria

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