Written by Maria Palumbo
I did many things. All that I embodied, I teach in woman on fire. One thing I did was I started hanging out with people that made me uncomfortable with how happy they were.
Not people who wanted something from me. Not people who distracted me awhile from my own shit, by always having a bigger catastrophe.
I started being with people who dwelled in possibility.
Who had no limit to the fun they had in their lives. To the love.
No unending pain. No sob story. Just ease.
They treated me well, which made me feel on edge. I was no longer being used by others, heavily leaned on, my boundaries weren’t always being obliterated by an immediate need of someone else.
Could I trust that? Did I want that?
I did not feel worthy.
I thought it was only a matter of time until they realized I was full of shit. I was some shaken broken being.
There was no passive aggressiveness.
So I was either bored, uncomfortable, or a little of both.
It was incredibly confronting.
Pretty soon they would realize I was NOT one of them. I was, “The Other.”
Depressed. Trauma in my background. Confusion. Self-esteem was shaky.
But they did not see that in me.
They saw and loved my essence. They helped me begin to trust myself. Trust them.
I forced myself out of the house. Into the hearts and lives of others.
I forced myself to get out of my head, which was very frightening in the early stages of depression.
To grow, you must sit with the discomfort of being with powerful people.
People who are not sad all the time.
People who are not living in regret.
People who embrace who they are and speak up.
People who are not apologetic about what is healthiest for them.
People who when they don’t like something, tell you to your face.
People who are CREATING their lives instead of reacting to their lives. Showing you it’s truly possible to do the impossible.
There will be plenty of people in arrested development:
trying to smoke
complain away their lives.
You cannot surround yourself with them.
You get to be with ones that can make you jealous by how much they decide they get to have.
In woman on fire we use jealousy as a tool for intimacy. We name it, claim it, so it doesn’t get in the way. It actually becomes a GIFT to the person receiving it. What is possible when we all are showing up fully is more good than we ever thought possible.
To letting in the good. You don’t have to push it away anymore.
Pm to join us.