Story

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Flipping Switches

Published December 1, 2017 by tindertender

Molded into the confines of outlines, growth is stunted. Freedom’s delicate, yet powerful, force contained. Running hard to the end of tether relief is found, release is sought. Pacing.

The living, over yonder, still there? Movement is absent, silence, thoughts run rampant, possible realities dreamed.

Light switchHollow embraced as each melds into the next. The road, no one on it, empty, once overgrown laid bare now.

A loop holding attachments, what if it should break? Single hole becoming vast space, loose, all falling away. Weight of burden disappearing without trace, in a flash, in an instant.

Flipping switches, on and off, become a low flame in the night, giving warmth. The buzz is silenced, all becoming calm.

Smooth waters, silt on bottom, they churn and collect oxygen, bringing life to the living.

Ragged edges, glorified, now the norm. They are chosen over whole, over complete and strong.

Falling, slowly without awareness. Smiling as though it were a pleasure, lost.

The Non-Conformist

Published November 29, 2017 by tindertender

Breaking OutShifting color turns to amber, dense form. Ebony looks like licorice, I dare not bite … open end, raw connection. Tickle at end of nose, as if there were a hair there … but no … scent gone now.

Delicate movements, no spill, replenished supply. Formula for pleasure, lasts for a time, out of sight out of mind.

Where did the heat come from? I did not sense it at first. Black spots on white, stubborn, settled in, comfortable right where they are.

Who wears a red bow tie at night? Perky and stiff all at once. Images so dark, it is a challenge to lighten them, to brighten them, what will they become?

coherenceSlowly with downward motion, equally slow to rise … moving to and fro, settling once again. This makes no sense! What ever does? A strange convincing is what we give ourselves, master story tellers, awesome reality creators. Think ~ great surprises await.

Misfit phrases make beautiful lyrics for song. How many life experiences can one tune hold? How many memories, or current realizations?

Practice … practice releasing anything coherent, break open that cage of conformity, let it go. Standards and norms are not to be sought after. No cookies for the cookie cutter, the mold has been broken.

Oscar WildeHa, ha, ha, a chuckle rises from depths, laughing, silly nonsense. Imaginings of thoughts potential, mayhem?

Current bounces high coming to a point as it peaks and falls once again, rapidly. A slight, ever so faint smokiness develops … unseen, barely noticed.

Two circles, lopsided beauty they hold. Delicate remnants of the past, collected there and held as treasure.

Mired, or Mirrored … who knows. The mystery really isn’t a puzzle at all. Categories fall, they fail. New beginnings forming some day, a new end.

Purposeful opening to scattered remains of what began as a question never fully answered.

Things That Don’t Make Sense

Published November 29, 2017 by tindertender

Blue face, fire for hair, looking at me. Strong man rolls up his sleeves. The message is not clear, and your voice here is not real.

Trying-to-make-sense-out-of-things-that-don-t-makeMan laying flat on his back. Peering under him I see another, strapped to him, back to back … the second one is face down in the water of the bed, shackled, allowed to come up for a gasping breath of air only occasionally.

How does it know I am sleeping? Sensors … Who is Santa Claus, really? “He knows when you are sleeping, he knows when you’re awake. He knows when you’ve been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake.

People … they run around always telling themselves they must do this or that. They claim to know what strength is. They’ve been observing for some time, many … There are so many more they are not aware of, they have no idea of the strengths deep within those, nor will they. What has been exposed is only a portion of reality. True strength remains private.

Things that don’t make sense, yet are interesting just the same. Those who do not toil have nothing to deeply satisfy them. They look to others for gain.

Eliminating Hurtful Memories & Actions

Published October 27, 2017 by tindertender

the-beginning-all-wisdom-is-knowing-yourself-aristotle-quote-of
I’m living in the house he bought for her. She raised her three children here, she cared for her ailing mother here. She had relations with a man here for over a decade, this was their home.

30 years ago I met a man, he was charming, with sweet finesse, an Italian. I loved the way he walked, the way he talked, the way he smiled at me, and fell instantly in love. We dated for 3 years. I knew he had another, but he seemed so honest in his desire for me. Oh what a young and naive mind will believe … I was going to stop dating him because he refused to stop seeing the other woman, always giving me a sob story about her heart. That is when he agreed to let me move in.

I lived with him for 4 years. Cooking, cleaning, going hunting … whatever he wanted to do, I was so happy to be there, I looked forward to my whole life being with him. At the seventh year, things changed, he grew distant. I knew he was having an affair. It took nearly a year, but it became quite clear, obvious, proof left nothing left to lie to myself about.

I cracked. I left him, broken, my heart in pieces, my world shattered. I left my job after 10 years, I had nothing, no home, no job, no relationship. I spent the summer camping in the wilderness which helped a lot, but not quite enough. The rest of the story I will leave untold for now.

I sit here drinking my coffee, thinking of the memories his affair had, and of the woman and her memories of this house and her family, supported by the one who broke my heart, he graciously caring for her and her children for nearly 20 years. I’m reminded of the heartbreak, and I think about ‘this woman’. It suddenly occurs to me that I was ‘this woman’ to the one he was seeing before I came on scene. And I feel somewhat shamed. She is gone now, cancer took her, however I imagine the pain that my dating this man 30 years ago caused her. My hope is that she has forgiven me.

A young 24 year old, naive, believing in love and the lies told by a horny man. All he saw was my body, and he lusted after me. Now days, we are friends, and I believe perhaps he cares more for me now than he did then, yet the painful memories are still there, connected. When will I be able to peel myself from this scenario? When will I grant myself release? When will this attachment which caused me to lose my mind be broken? Will I survive it?

Yes, I think on the pain an affair brought me, once angry with the woman, even more than the man. I remember the beginnings of this relationship and I realize I am that which has caused me pain … I take a hard look at the many other events in life, searching for the actions and behaviors in me which I claim to see in others, which are hurtful.

I swear I will find these things and eradicate them from my being.
They have no place here, in my heart.
They have no right to justification, no defense.

If goodness in the world is to be, then goodness in me must overcome these things. I tear down their defenses, and I choose to eliminate them from my life. One memory after another.

God and the little boy

Published July 30, 2017 by tindertender

A little boy 10 years old writes me as follows:

“Will you please write and say whether there is a God or not? A man told me there isn’t any. I asked the teacher and she said she didn’t know, as some said there was and some said there wasn’t. Mamma says there is, but Papa says he doesn’t know about such things. We boys have had a debate about it and we thought we would ask you. ”

Yes, my boy, there is a God. You cannot see or hear Him, but I will tell you how you can feel Him.

Did you ever lie, or cheat, or steal, or treat a smaller boy cruelly, or be a coward when you should have been brave? If so, you have felt a hurt inside your mind, a miserable feeling in your heart, as if you were sick at your stomach, or as if you had struck your finger with a hammer. It is God that makes you hurt.

Have you ever wanted to do something mean, or nasty, and resisted the desire, put it away from you, and acted honestly and fair; and have you not noticed then a good feeling, a sense of inner pride and satisfaction and manhood? It is God that gives you this feeling when you play the man.

Have you ever looked up at the sky at night and remembering what you have been told about the vast distances of the stars, and that they are worlds like ours moving through space as fast as cannon-balls, have you never had a feeling of wonder, of how great and majestic the universe is, and you but a tiny mite in it all? That feeling of wonder and awe comes from God. A very wise man, Carlyle, said that worship is wonder; so that when you see anything that makes you wonder because of its greatness or beauty or mystery, you are really worshipping God, whether the object be the ocean, the mountain, or a good woman.

It is not the police that protect our lives, my boy. Only a few wicked men come into conflict with the policeman. But there is something that holds every man back from cruelty and uncleanness, that stays the murderers arm, and causes many a woman to drown herself rather than be vile. That something is God. He watches over us all and neither slumbers nor sleeps.

None of us understands why He allows so many people to do wrong, but we feel that there is something in every human breast that makes wrongdoing bring misery every time.

The most important thing for you to believe about God is that He is not your enemy, and He is not watching you like a detective to punish you, but that He is your friend, that He is living and serving you every minute of your life.

Listen to your heart beating, as you lie awake in bed. All night, while you are unconscious, something is making your heart beat thus, and your lungs breathe, and attending to all the functions of your body. That is God. Nobody has ever yet found a better name.

It is God who rolls the stars in the heavens, who lifts the sun up in the morning, and guides the moon at night; who causes the wheat and corn, the trees and flowers to grow; who brings the birds back from the south in the spring; who makes the little lambs frolic and the kittens play; who makes children happy, and grown people kind and patient.

Wherever you find LIFE and GOODNESS and GREATNESS you may know God is there.

So, my boy, whether your folks are Hebrew or Christian, Buddhist or Mohammedan, even if they are “nothing at all,” you may rest assured that they will not object to your believing what I have here told you; and you may be sure also that to believe in God and to try to feel and follow Him will do more than anything else in the world to make you an honest, happy, and brave man; to make those who love you glad because of you; and to make all the world respect and trust you.

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