Really Seeing Myself

Published March 18, 2020 by tindertender

I have roommates, two of them. One roommate in particular does not to pick up after himself in the kitchen. I’m constantly riding him about cleaning up when he’s finished.

Last night he warmed his leftovers. He offered to share, and I partook.

Later, I went into the kitchen to see pan and cookie sheet with food on them still on the stove. I hollered at him, “you going to clean up and put dishes in dishwasher?”

Several hours went by. I went to kitchen and dishes were still on stove. For a brief moment I was irritated and then I thought, wait a minute.

This man cooked dinner. He shared it with me. And then I hollered at him to clean up the mess?

Wow.

I saw myself clearly. What an ungrateful wench I was behaving as! How dare I allow him to cook, partake in the meal, and then expect him to clean.

Am I a queen?

Well … yes.

Which is precisely why I woke him up and apologized for this unthoughtful behavior. How weird that I didn’t even notice what a twit I was being.

It’s these things, these habitual spoutings off without really thinking.

Aahhh coming fully conscious isn’t always pleasant, especially when you see the patterns which need altering.

This goes for all humanity. We get into patterns, habits, and then from there, we determine all other patterns are somehow faulty.

Wrong.

Acceptance is a difficult thing. Especially when we are used to always “being right”.

Own it.

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