The women who struggle in relationships the most, the ones who have a hard time finding someone they can trust, are truly some of the most:
Perfectly sensitive. Unendingly kind.
But they do not always see this.
They tell me they are broken. That no one will ever love them. Yet to know these women is to love them. They are easy to adore despite years of programming and dating advice telling them to be stronger:
“Just love yourself.”
“Don’t be clingy.”
“Don’t be needy.”
“Just be more: alluring, submissive, feminine, sweet, gentle, interesting.”
“You can make him into the man you want if you try harder.”
“Don’t be a pushover.”
And when I hear this, when she begins to tell me these stories that were pushed on her, I want to hold her face. Her hands. Her heart.
And ask her:
How can you be anything but precious?
Can you see these wounds as beautiful because they are yours?
I am offering not a ten step program of how to get a lover. But a loving witnessing. Holding a mirror to your heart so you can see more and adore what you see. Understand. Awaken. Nothing to change here. Only more tenderness.
And when it hurts. When the stories get louder, respond with more tenderness.