What does one do on the last full moon of the year? I decided to go to The Grotto.

I was a little confused as to why they had the children dressed in black for singing their Christmas music. Strange “color” for the festivities.

I sat in the church and wondered about the murals. I had to call a friend and ask who the lady was that Jesus and God we’re crowning. He was shocked I did not know, especially concerning my “age”. He said it was the Blessed Virgin Mother Mary, being crowned by Joseph an Jesus. Still doesn’t make much sense to me, but it is beautiful just the same.

There were many murals and statues. These are only a few.

I walked along enjoying the scenery. There were so many lights. I imagine the bill for this display over the month will be outrageous!

I’ve been so oblivious to religion and the whole history of it I wonder if this is why my life has felt like a living hell for much of my experience (and I’m aware that it can alwys be worse, so am grateful for the joys and friendships I’ve been blessed with).

What I do know is the basics, and that the higher ups are pedophiles … and I am confused by them, for how can they be godly and do such things?

I dreamed last night of the drug pushers of my youth. I dreamed they said my car was dangerous to drive, so they took it away. I was ‘stuck’ there. But when I couldn’t get what I wanted, I grabbed my rolling tool chest and hitched a ride back home. My tool chest wouldn’t fit in the car, so I pushed it over onto its side, flipped all of them drug pushers the bird, and hopped in the rear seat of the car for my ride, elsewhere.

It feels as though I’m having a non-religious/religious crisis, and it’s no wonder twilight zone is so near.

Even after 17 years sober.

God help me … God help We.