The tavern, bar, pub – whatever you call it, wherever you are, it is a place of sorrow, loneliness, anger, frustration and pain wearing a mask of happiness. I know, for I spent some time there, surrounded by others who were experiencing what I was also.

It seemed that life was a series of running to the edge, pushing limits as far as possible, testing them to see just how far I could go without going over the edge, until I did. At that time I met many others who had transitioned and were still in such a place, in shadows. They were seeking help to be free of it. I sat with them and asked them to explain why they were there, and the answer came from one with authority, “Because they are too bad”.

I’ve been thinking of this recently, examining my own life. Often when people find themselves trapped in the cycle of cruelty, receiving it, or giving it, it is because they themselves are suffering and in pain. Most will never admit it if they dare to look deep into their hearts, they’ll instead act tough and continue the cycle, creating hurt wherever they go, sometimes not even aware they are doing it, it becomes second nature.

Alcohol … it is poison and is only good as a disinfectant, or use in making tinctures for medicine in combination with nature’s finest herbs. It was never meant to be utilized as has become the norm. At least this is my inner conclusion when I sit with my senses.

I also understand that those in these places, on earth and in the shadow land, for the most part are not bad people, or spirits. They are suffering, a pain that cannot be comprehended for they are too close to it for understanding. Often it is a trauma that either takes their life and sends them beyond, or snaps their minds out of the cycle so they are able to see clearly once more, or at least then have opportunity to study the past and work toward making sense of the experiences.

Atoning for pain sent into the world … how does one do it? I compare it to all of the cigarette butts I threw out as a smoker. Young, never understanding the concept of biodegradable … heck, that word only recently came into my awareness, within the last decade. When I walk in the forest and see them I pick them up, one by one, and hope that I’ll be able to pick up as many, and hopefully more, than what I threw out over time, garbage too … cups, wrappers …

This is the time to prove to myself, and any benevolent spirits who are watching, that I can be as good at creating peace and loving and compassion in this world as I ever was at creating turmoil. My hope once again is that I will create more loving memories and good feelings than I ever did the opposite, being a powerful contributor for positive experience for all.

There is indeed much suffering in shadow land while they continue to live in the cycle they left behind on this earth. The good thing is there is still opportunity to make choice, to set the beer down, to remain in the corner and just watch … rather than participate. And hopefully there will come a time when they will be able to walk out of that dingy place into the light of day, warm, and free.

There needs to be an overall healing of soul before this can happen. Admitting there’s an issue, seeing it for the first time, studying the behaviors, what caused them in the first place and learn how to undo the knots that were tied in the heart of spirit. The desire to change must come first, usually preceded by a tiredness of hearing oneself say and do the same old things, over and over again, having the same experiences.

Of course there will be those who cannot face the trauma. They have felt alone their whole existence and buried their sorrow in drink, or in drug, or some other thing that took the mind off that pain. Too often people replace pain with a different pain, rather than doing the hard work to heal.

Sure it’s easy to shout out and blame someone else, it is easy to snarl and frown and throw our pain in the face of others, too hurt and immersed in the core of it to notice or care that we are potentially putting others where we currently stand … and then they too will need to try and climb out of that pit. Exacerbation … continuing cycles … of our choosing.

I ask Spirit why they kept saving me, why is it so important that I remain living. It could be that I needed to find my way, to share the experience and perhaps help someone who is looking for a way out themselves.

Talk is talk, I can share my experience but whoever wants betterment must walk the walk, no one can walk it for them. I am still on my own journey.

Oh yes, I’ve experienced what some call ‘tough love’ and I’ve also experienced a lack of love, and fortunately through it all there has been support, mostly from the unseen. You can say I have a family so big even I am unaware of its vast nature, or you can say it is my inner fortitude. Either way, whatever way, if it is not hurting anyone, including yourself, and if it works, giving you strength to rise, it is perfect.

Negative self talk: it begins with others views and opinions of us. We hear them and we may believe them, or not. If not, and the same criticisms are repeated enough, it becomes rote, the little pathways in the mind are set. The memories of the words live there and repeat, and repeat, and repeat. Depression or anxiety or complete self destruction can occur, a breakdown.

These words, these memories of what others have told you, they do not belong to you … release them, give them to your ancestors who have come before you, anyone who you know loves you in the Spirit realms, or send them back to the people who gave them to you.

Retrain your mind. When a memory of drama or trauma begins to spin in your consciousness, recognize it, acknowledge it, and determine what it is you will allow to be there. Override that memory with something beautiful, positive, supportive and loving. Every time … do this, and you will find that the old ‘thought highways’ in your mind disappear and new paths are made, ones you’ve personally chosen, ones that affirm and support the Divinity in you. Claim your Sovereignty.

Habits are learned through training. We accept them from others, we incorporate them into our life trying to ‘fit in’ or ‘gain approval’, perhaps searching for that which we’ve never had before. Habits are also meant to be broken, every single one of them. In so doing we train our mind (some call it ego). We let it know that our higher consciousness is in charge and will only allow what is personally deemed acceptable.

Honestly, I know it’s hard, seemingly impossible. Many have died without even trying, or without even being aware of the possibility to lay claim to their own authority.

You are the only one you will spend the rest of your life with. Become the love of your life, not in arrogance, but as someone who is cherished as the most important being in your world. From this place, a great gift of compassion can be shared with others.

It is not an easy task. Some quit, thinking it easier to drown out the pain with substance. But it is so worth it … gift yourself, yourself. Love you like you deserve to be loved, like you have always deserved to be loved. Fill up your heart and mind so full of this love that it spills over into the world … it is going to be so beautiful! You’ll be amazed at what begins to show up in your life when you’ve done this work.