When young, I dreamed of Love, having a Family, Joyous times together.

It never came …

The dream turned into one longing of Protection, from those harvesters who continually pulled on my energy, r.a.p.ing my mind.

I finally received protection.
I am grateful.

I let go of the first dream a long, long time ago, even before menopause.

I wasn’t permitted a family.

Invisible peepers, voyeurs, watching from afar, “loving” the energy, pushing in, taking it, using it to harm those I love … pretending they are powerful,
Dreaming of “possessing” this sleepers gifts, commanding them and their output.

No. I’m not interested in the peeper finally showing up in a flesh suit,

After all the studying of me, my energy, and its capacity.

I have discovered I don’t much care for those watchers …

Window shopping in an energetic “candy” store.

The thought of entangling the flesh suit with a voyeur vampiric entity is SO disturbing, SO distasteful …

There is no need to “feed” this dream that never came, that never will … not in this realm.

It’s sad to me, the opinion and guidance I once needed from the masculine was never offered … only disdain, a sneering certainty I was in lack, somehow insufficient as partner or presence in their life, unworthy of effort.

Self-sufficiency born out of this lack programmed the mind and spirit to stop seeking comfort where stability, support, or care could not be found.

This is what is sad … the Love many of us sought could not be found.

We had to turn inward to find it.

Perhaps it is those of us who did, which have escaped the illusion that Love is outside, and must be found there, who are free of its longing and binding, the forever searching ended as soon as we found what is inside Self, that Holy Garden.

I’m left to wonder, where does that leave the connection, that never seemed to exist?