We All Do It

Published May 21, 2023 by tindertender

It’s funny how most folks don’t like others telling them who they are, why they feel like they do, what their issue is, how to fix issue … yet many folks do just that to others. I do it too … sometimes format needs improvement.

Many of my posts are self-talk, personal realizations. At times, it sounds like I’m talking to others, mostly, I’m talking to self as third person.

I feel many people are doing that, even though it sounds like they’re talking to folks outside self.

“When using third person or “non-first-person” pronouns during self-talk, you do not use pronouns such as I, me, or my. Instead, you speak to yourself (either in a hushed tone or silently inside your own head) using pronouns such as you, he, she, it, or your own first or last name.”

“Essentially, we think referring to yourself in the third person leads people to think about themselves more similar to how they think about others, and you can see evidence for this in the brain. That helps people gain a tiny bit of psychological distance from their experiences, which can often be useful for regulating emotions.”


Me talking advice to someone is often me speaking advice or awareness to self in third party. While it seems I’m addressing others outside self, often it is communication to the self I witness within, and the self I see in others.

Often, this self reflective third party way of recognizing and communicating seems like it is conversation with another, and it is … communication to the self we recognize in others.

Tricky …

“… the brain data from these two complimentary experiments suggest that third-person self-talk may constitute a relatively effortless form of emotion regulation.”


Previous research has suggested that a psychological strategy called “self-distancing” can help us better control our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. From enhancing our self-control in the face of temptation to helping us reflect on difficult past experiences without getting stuck in a downward spiral of negative thinking, the ability to “step back” a little from ourselves seems to be a useful, if slightly odd, psychological skill.

All in all, the studies found that talking to ourselves using our own name, or pronouns like “you” or “he/she” as opposed to “I” or “me,” resulted in reduced anxiety, better performances, and less shame, negativity, and rumination afterwards.


While some are speaking out, making posts of advice as third person, others really are judging others as needing guidance other than their own … without even asking.

I think most people are looking into the world seeing self, brokenness, flaws, weaknesses… and are simply doing their best to put it together using words, spoken. Unfortunately, this change must happen inside before it can be seen outside …

Self distancing.

Perhaps this is why society is addicted to pointing at others and naming flaws … they cannot bear to look inside.

Projection. A form of survival. A form which is unsustainable in the long run.

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