Questions and Realization

Published November 26, 2020 by tindertender

What exactly does it mean to exercise ones Will?

I once compared it to being stubborn. Perhaps I still do.

Stubborn Will

I read somewhere that it is possible to transform stubborn Will into skillful Will.

As often as I think of it, it has yet to materialize.

What does one do, after all, to be considered “skillful”?

Would it be better to note that to be a person of skillful will it be required to do what is right and good and healthy despite stubborn Will saying, “I’ll do what I want.”?

What have I learned today?

I learned that somehow in all this mess I have been extremely blessed. By surprise I might add. So much so I purchased matching pendant and earrings for a piedersite (sp?) stone ring I have.

Why did this good fortune befall me today? I wonder.

I purchased an aura photo. Bright yellows all around.

I bought “buy two get two free” bras and panties.

And I still wonder at it all.

I donated a monetary gift in exchange for a light reading and gained knowledge. It was a lovely exchange as always.

I ask myself if I have grown fond of being a walking portal … stubborn, stubborn.

I am told the color red is like a welcome mat for unclean spirits. I have seen evidence that may be true.

Surely I am not the only human being pushing a little here, pulling a little there. Is it beneficial? I cannot say, for although my experience has been for the last many years, the experience in itself is new to me.

Anyhow … red … I now need to paint two red walls green, or another color, in three days. Home Depot is closed so today I sit idle.

My red candle had its wick fall into the wax and it stopped burning.

Now there is an orange one, in a glass jar.

I am just now reminded of being 18 and keeping a journal. I wrote some angry and hurtful things in there “to” the person I was living with. It was found. Tears were shed. I stopped journaling.

When I write, it doesn’t “sound” the same as when I “speak”. Could it be true that simply slowing down to write shows what it would be like if one “thought” before they spoke? And now … “thinking” before one thinks.

Some go on and on about my attitude, and I reply that “attitude” is my dancing partner. Tis true. Since when? That is the question. I think, “Ya, you really going to write all that down?” Ha. 🤯

Really bad dudes. You’re doing something to call them in. I’ve discovered cannabis is a contributor to opening a portal in my mind. Not always a good thing, especially with really bad dudes in the unseen on the prowl.

Paint the walls; sprinkle prayed over and blessed salt water everywhere; stop using thc; eat more greens and less carbs and sugar; stop with the tarot cards; clean up energy fields.

Get “off the wagon” and walk.

54 years of age. I just danced and behaved in such a belligerent fashion I reminded myself of a 15 year old me, without all the stamina, haha … alone in my living room … rebelling against the invisibles …. after using the cannabis plant, one of them said, “Heroin has been decriminalized.” Well, I’ve seen people die from using that … no thank you, Pusherman.

I find it interesting that the invisibles correlate cannabis to heroin.

“I don’t want this one” and invisible said …. good …. I guess I’ve been successful in my endeavor then.

For much of my life I made myself ugly, so few felt comfortable getting too close to me. It seems I flow in and out of this behavior. Even with myself!

I make a list of “wrongs” and then am inclined to grow a list of what is “right” … or a list of gratitude.

Not all things can be balanced … or can they?

Advice to self … Don’t attempt, or try, or hope, or wish … just DO it.

Candle flame = Portal

THC = Portal

Sugar and Carbs = Feeds the Portal occupants

Find King James Version of the Bible, read Psalms and Proverbs

Prep walls for paint

Stop calling them ‘to’ me

Reformat habitual pattern

I’ve got a Love candle … a Love flame flickering in my living room … just don’t stare at the flame dear … I tell myself.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: