In the 1950s women were trained to submit to the man. It was very enticing.
“Wear the dress. Wear the pearls. Cook a good stew. Smile. Be a good girl. You will have everything you could ever dream of.”
How to curate their entire essence, so it was feminine, alluring, charming. So the man would want them.
Things have not changed much in spiritual circles teaching divine and masculine unity.
“Submit. Give in. Stop whining. You’re emasculating. Stop complaining. Be grateful. You’re lucky he wants you at all, you pathetic sweet creature.”
I am disturbed over what is being taught to women and digested by the masses, regarding divine feminine and masculine power and empowerment.
It involves two things:
- Deny self in order to attract The One
- Know true joy from being chosen by a “King”
It is ALL very enticing. Especially for those of us who have been traumatized.
For trauma teaches us to NOT THINK for ourselves and WE ARE MAKING IT ALL UP in our head. The outcome of trauma can make us confused, question our needs/desires/and boundaries, and this is exactly what these teachings are encouraging:
“Let HIM decide how you feel. In fact, if you feel uncomfortable or even hatred, YOU are confused and misunderstanding him. And that is why you are alone.”
They are teaching, “Do not THINK, do not question, do not despise any treatment. Just open wider to let him in. If it hurts, it is your problem.”
And once you do, once you finally crack the feminine code of being in FULL SUBMISSION to the masculine, you will be loved, held, seen, desired, in every way you could possibly imagine.
Every day sparkling with a prince that will save you.
I wish it was that easy.
I wish that opening further, responding in love, could actually magically transform someone.
But it doesn’t.
The wounded child in me can fall prey to that mindset. She is susceptible to thinking she needs to work harder, keep trying, putting in more work, when it BLOODY HURTS. For that is exactly what Daddy told her: “If only you were a little better sweetheart, I wouldn’t get so angry.”
My inner child WOULD LOVE to be saved. Would love the fact that disappearing herself and giving herself over to the masculine, would result in true love. To be chosen finally. For someone to come along and make it all make sense. She thinks if she tries harder, loves a little more, she can subdue the darkness in the man she loves.
But she cannot.
And to teach women to not be discerning with their submission, but to JUST SUBMIT, is not only dangerous, but traumatizing a generation of women. It is using the toxic voice of the unhealed father, to control and create harm.
What these teachings are missing is CONSENT from the feminine and also discernment about WHAT they are consenting to. Using flowerly psuedo spiritual language, only confuses further.
And my fellow community members, we are INCREDIBLY susceptible to leaning towards teachings that re-traumatize, while calling it “power.” Because many of us have experienced trauma, we need to be:
- EXAMINING allegiances in relationship, in friendship, in business, and beyond, instead of quietly going along with “spiritual” gratefulness
- HEALING instead of taking another pill of submission and bypassing our healing and letting someone control us
- HIRING trauma and relationship specialists with healthy relationships, instead of guru-like leaders with little street cred when it comes to healthy relationship
- SPEAKING OUT against toxic masculinity by looking at ways to heal it through the male, female and non gender lens, instead of making it an issue of women JUDGING or condemning men
And ultimately, stop buying into the idea that The One will make life worthwhile. That there is A One who is created for you and his every move will make you feel like the woman you were meant to be.
For there is no such thing.
To letting go of the toxic dream of being saved and to doing the healing to wake up in bed with someone with bad breath and endless tenderness for you.