I Will Meet You

Published January 18, 2020 by tindertender

Written by Maria Palumbo: https://www.facebook.com/maria.palumbo.loves; https://mariapalumbo.com/

I will meet you

Father

In the men

that I meet

Until I let go

of the expecting

you will change.

Get better.

Stop drinking.

Get therapy.

You know, love yourself.

Love me.

I will experience your fire eyes

and words of hatred

until I am ready

to accept you

and stop sacrificing myself to help

you.

No amount of pleading

Crying

Waiting

Making you laugh

ever brought you back

for long.

You collapsing back

into you

And I learning what it is like

to be left alone.

Any hit or word of anger felt better

because at least it meant

you acknowledged

I existed.

Otherwise you would cry

lost

in your own demise.

Watching you suffer

always hurt

worse.

And the peace was never peaceful

for it meant something else

was coming.

What did they do to you?

I’d wonder.

And the question kept me soft

in my heart.

What did your parents do?

Who hurt you?

My care kept me close.

I felt indebted

Spending years of my life

trying to convince you

I cared.

Someone cares.

I promise.

I wanted to be the one that could save you

The one that stayed

for that would not be my mother

And you would remind me

of that daily.

I will keep trying to complete this cycle

Prove that I am lovable

Convince the unconvinceable

Until I can learn to live in peace

without you

and stop trying

to fill that aching

for you

When the peace has always been

the most difficult part.

https://mailchi.mp/d4e4301dfa32/your-wound-is-sexy

Photo by Iswanto Arif on Unsplash

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