Not Quite

Published July 5, 2020 by tindertender

They used to say, “Don’t get your hopes up too high, you may be disappointed.” In other words, “Don’t put too much faith in anything, it may never happen.”

So we learn to immediately question people, their motives, their ability, their integrity. And then we begin to question ourselves … why not? Everyone else does.

Things have gone rigid and no longer flow.

The word acceptance has been removed for many in this walk, other than the word itself.

We are suspicious, our trust in many cases, broken. Even the trust we say we hold in ourselves … after all … look what experiences we lined up! Whew!

We discover we have choices. For the first time it seems clear, obvious almost, and we ask ourselves why we would choose to put ourselves in certain situations … for years … just barely moving along, stagnant in most areas.

Yet still, we listen to those outside of us, telling us about our ‘faults’, reminding us that we are not perfect, and in their book, unworthy.

We think, what?!?!?

Perhaps at this point we begin to note that we’d rather listen to our own perceptions and judgement of self.

We recognize another’s voice when negative thoughts travels through our mind … the memory of it stuck there like a broken record, playing … and playing … so often we may not even be aware of it any longer, until we are and we ask ourself, how long has this been going on?

We tell ourself that a decade old memory accompanied by pain that we never dealt with will no longer have lease in our life. We begin to shed … like a snake, and it’s messy. We may detest the process thinking it disgusting, or at the very least, uncomely.

Judgement comes and we sink, and then we recognize the self sabotage. We want to kick our self but understand we can no longer do that. So we are gentle with our self. We understand the situation like no other, and we love our self through the process, through the release.

Or not … not quite yet.

Perhaps we haven’t felt the rawness of it fully enough to gain that push forward. Maybe we are so accustomed to it, life without it seems … impossible?

Whatever it is …

It’s all in our mind.

The inner manifesting into the outer.

The perfect reflection.

Don’t like what you see?

Get serious about shifting it …

In your mind.

The rest will follow.


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