Suffering

All posts tagged Suffering

Torn …

Published October 6, 2018 by tindertender

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My love has been trampled, my life and the life of my children abused. Yet still, I listen to and have compassion for the one responsible for much of it. He says to me these days, “You used to listen to me.” Yes, I did. I used to trust him, and then I experienced his true self. As he called me selfish, he behaved in that manner, deflecting the action(s) onto me.

While he calls Dr. Ford harsh names, spewing spittle from his mouth and snarling as he does, I cannot help to wonder what he will think when he passes from body. Will he become aware of the wrongs he has done? Will he take responsibility for his portion of pain in this world?

Currently so many people refuse to own their part of the whole. They look at themselves as successful, righteous, and fair. The changes they have taken part in … the coercion, the judgement of others … it has never even occurred to them that somehow they may have had a hand in a painful outcome, they are too busy laying blame elsewhere while they don their hats of superiority.

I mentioned to the room of guides and spirits, “He will know some day” and in return, “Someday soon”. It is so strange that through it all I still have love and compassion for this relationship, and others. I honestly don’t think people are aware of what they do, for they are too busy looking outside themselves, blaming others, than taking a good hard look at themselves. Maybe because it hurts to do so … I don’t know.

This country is anything but united. Men vs women, skin color separation, ethnicity differences, religious practices, awareness and sharing and refusal and demoralization by those who cannot see.

Children, animals, and others who do not wish to fight are abused every single day.

I will never lay down and pretend to be weak. I will never think it is okay for someone to stomp on another persons right to freedom of choice. Too many think they have the authority to tell a woman what to wear, what to say or not to say, what work to do, or not to do. They mistreat her as she brings new life into this world, they beat her physically and emotionally and they think this is acceptable.

Even towards those who have caused me pain I still find the love I had originally. I hope that when the time comes for them to experience what they unleashed onto others lives  it will not be as painful as the original experience, for all at once, this will be unbearable. I know what is coming even while they refuse to believe.

I look into my life and I wonder about my actions … how did my words and motivations affect those who took part in this life? I would like to break it down, understand it, and try to make it right before I leave this body, for afterward, there will not be that opportunity.

 

Forgiving Self

Published September 28, 2018 by tindertender

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If one lives long enough, and they are willing to look at their past deeds, there will inevitably be something in that time-line which is difficult to come to terms with … some hurt that may have been done to someone, abortion/murder, rape … fear, sorrow, anger and guilt which surrounds these things can seem impossible to shed, or to ‘reconcile’.

This is my current journey. Finding a way to forgive self is a challenge. It is said that we are our own worst judge. I’m not too sure of that, but I do know it has been impossible to heal the pain of some actual events in my life … I know also that I am not the only one who has this dilemma.

As I reach out for assistance in this matter, my hope is that one day I’ll be able to free myself from constant punishment, remorse and guilt. Society has a tendency to affirm judgement that people may have laid upon themselves (and absorbed from others), rather than try to understand, and assist in healing.

These pains we carry with us must be mended, reconciled and healed if there is any glimmer of hope for a better tomorrow, and future. Pain, suspicion, fear and guilt keep us in a perpetual cycle of doom and gloom, making it impossible to gain higher vibration, no matter what practices are used in the attempt to raise it.

If, when you look at past experiences, you find it difficult to forgive yourself I encourage you to seek assistance from someone who may be able to help … this is what I am going to do. Life is too short, and these burdens are heavy. Perhaps in self healing, the aid we can bring to others and the world will be amplified.

Epiphanies Rolling In

Published April 13, 2018 by tindertender

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Anger, it accompanies many people as they age.  Inconsideration’s, some sort of hurt, or any number of things may be blamed.

This anger one has (for some), may have crept from one thought, they feel responsible for their parents pain. They did not cause these pains they witnessed, although they shared in the experiences. As a youngster, being witness to suffering over and over again, a feeling of responsibility comes over them.

I do not know why children take on these responsibilities, but they do. They see their parents or others suffer and in their young minds they think they must have caused it somehow, maybe just by being alive they somehow did this to them. It can feel that way when out of suffering the parent may yell or spank the child, making them believe they did something awful which deserved harsh words and punishment.

Cause and Effect: In reality, frustration and pain from others seep into the tender lives of the young ones, leaving them quite confused. Later in life they may seek relationships which affirm they cause suffering for others, or they may become experts at self-harm for they believe they deserve it.

It was brought to my attention recently that even when we try very hard not to hurt anybody, there will always be someone who gets their feelings hurt. Shrinking from life will never stop this truth. 

Learning to be authentic and true to ourselves can be a tough journey. It has been the ‘norm’ to hide certain realities, to pretend that all is well.

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Everyone has troubles. Many of us have the same exact troubles, yet we have been conditioned to hide them and show all the world that everything is super fine, why? Because there is a fear of what the world may think of us when we fall. Because some people find it most appealing to kick others when they are down …

It takes a real bad-ass to show the world the inner life .. the hidden things … allowing a vulnerability to show. In so doing, it will become obvious that the solitude we’ve experienced has been a cage of delusion.

We are more alike than we currently have understanding of.

A Different Kind Of Movement

Published March 9, 2018 by tindertender

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Many people assume the goal is the “rise above” suffering. Busily, they try to do this, struggling daily. So far, we can see pretty well that this doesn’t work.

Some say they are swimming in pain and they simply can’t get out. Well, here’s the deal, a connection to what assists in moving through it must be made.

A swimmer needs to find their fins, so to speak. A ‘walker’ must learn to balance on legs. An emotion surfer, a mover and a shaker, learns to end that perpetual sinking and swim, and walk, and fly through it, finding the other side. A skill like any other, and just as difficult to learn.

Don’t give up if you are thinking to. The traveling method you are learning now beats all else!

The Water Is Deep

Published February 2, 2018 by tindertender

When The Water is Too Deep

She found herself drowning, hard to breathe. It felt as though water had filled her lungs as it poured from her eyes and dripped from her nose. She couldn’t fathom where it was all coming from, she didn’t even care ~ she just wanted it to stop, to dry up.

The whole world sat atop her shoulders and she just could not carry it any longer … it was so heavy, it was crushing her. She crawled along the baseboard of the room, feeling her way to bed, for she could not see anymore.

Curled into a ball she begged for release and none was given. She must learn to rise above this, to surf this ocean of waves. How does one float when fear of water is present, how does one swim when strength was never built?

She takes a deep breath and wills her body to stop leaking, she insists her mind obey when she says Be Still. After a time all is silent, empty, dull and void ~ It is finally quiet.

She resolves herself to pick up the shattered craft that is her intellect, her peace. She will make it through this storm, and she will carry what remains of memory into the unknown, using it to assist her in endurance and patience, she will harness this pain and create compassion from it, for self … and for those who gifted her with it.

Determination grows stronger within her, her will increases … not in stubbornness, but in a sure capability to continue on.

Deep Sorrow

Published November 13, 2017 by tindertender

I lay my head on his shoulder after I give him a visual on how people treat each other, and I sob. I cry out from deep within my heart an all encompassing sorrow, for I see, and tell of, the great disconnect between people in the world. One after the other ‘scams’ to gain while knowing full well it depletes someone else. This life is not about simply living,  but how great we live. Doing well while others suffer is not greatness, it is the most heartbreaking cause of grief … watching people destroy one another, seeing the lack of care.

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Shadow Vermin

Published October 23, 2017 by tindertender

There are those who harm the ones calling forth the light. Holistic practitioners, judges, whistle blowers, all who will not stand for law breaking and who cannot be bought off. Women (and men) who refuse to bend to the will of a tyrant, children who refuse to allow their inner light be stripped from them, no matter the brutality bestowed upon their being, are harmed, even killed, daily.

Yes, the ones in the shadows believe that by stepping up their cruelty they will be able to get those living in love, with great integrity inside them, to shrink.

Oh, how wrong they are.

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