I’ve come to the realization that the things and people in my life are there because I chose them, or allowed them to be.
I’ve also realized that I have been ‘settling’ … I’ve been settling for a shitty situation when beauty is right out in front of me, and I see it while others enjoy it. I hold myself back from it, while putting another before myself.
I’ve somehow convinced myself that by catering to another’s needs that I’m being caring and kind … when in actuality, I’ve become an enabler for one who cannot, or will not, take care of their own problems and needs.
When expressing my thoughts about this I was asked, “So, your problems are my problems?”
What a lovely and transparent thing to say. Now I am free from making their problems my problems any further.
Now, I come to the point of creating my future. I can tell you, it does not look like this.
Self love requires me to put myself first in the coming days, especially with this realization of how little my efforts to ensure the comfort and needs of another being met have been valued so very little.
I will not settle for this crappy situation in my future.
It is only I who can change it, by making new and different choices.
One cannot possibly love another sufficiently if one cannot even love themselves properly.
I write about this for the simple act of visually reading and acknowledging my own situation, and for convincing myself it is time to be a little bitchy … I’m no stepping stool.