Sensing

All posts tagged Sensing

Letting Go Is Never Easy

Published May 5, 2018 by tindertender
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Photo by Chaney Zimmerman

My entire life has been spent listening to people tell me the details of what is wrong with me. It’s like being slapped over and over again, just for being me.

I have listened to people tell me I have no capacity for peace, or truth. I’ve heard them say I lack the necessary skills for this or for that. I’ve had them horde knowledge like it is gold that they refuse to share.

They say if I changed, didn’t say ‘this’ or do ‘that’, then things could be different. There are so many people who think I should be something other that I am.

It is this judgement, this tearing down of a person that is so injurious to the world. We are all guilty of it, if not now, then at some point.

It is difficult to stand tall while being hit with the barrage of negativity. They say they are trying to help me be better, but in reality, they only want me to bend to their will and accept their judgement. To seek their ‘righteous’ teachings and opinions of who I ought to be.

Trying not to let anger or sorrow cloud my vision and truth, I say so-long, adios. I am glad they find peace in this behavior. They can maintain it … away from me.

Epiphanies Rolling In

Published April 13, 2018 by tindertender

Epiphany

Anger, it accompanies many people as they age.  Inconsideration’s, some sort of hurt, or any number of things may be blamed.

This anger one has (for some), may have crept from one thought, they feel responsible for their parents pain. They did not cause these pains they witnessed, although they shared in the experiences. As a youngster, being witness to suffering over and over again, a feeling of responsibility comes over them.

I do not know why children take on these responsibilities, but they do. They see their parents or others suffer and in their young minds they think they must have caused it somehow, maybe just by being alive they somehow did this to them. It can feel that way when out of suffering the parent may yell or spank the child, making them believe they did something awful which deserved harsh words and punishment.

Cause and Effect: In reality, frustration and pain from others seep into the tender lives of the young ones, leaving them quite confused. Later in life they may seek relationships which affirm they cause suffering for others, or they may become experts at self-harm for they believe they deserve it.

It was brought to my attention recently that even when we try very hard not to hurt anybody, there will always be someone who gets their feelings hurt. Shrinking from life will never stop this truth. 

Learning to be authentic and true to ourselves can be a tough journey. It has been the ‘norm’ to hide certain realities, to pretend that all is well.

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Everyone has troubles. Many of us have the same exact troubles, yet we have been conditioned to hide them and show all the world that everything is super fine, why? Because there is a fear of what the world may think of us when we fall. Because some people find it most appealing to kick others when they are down …

It takes a real bad-ass to show the world the inner life .. the hidden things … allowing a vulnerability to show. In so doing, it will become obvious that the solitude we’ve experienced has been a cage of delusion.

We are more alike than we currently have understanding of.

Conscious Connection

Published March 17, 2018 by tindertender

Conscious Connection

I sit listening to the high pitch in my ears as well as music, soft without words in the headphones. The two sounds mesh and I feel the pulse of blood course through my body. More than blood though, there is energy, alive and fierce.

I thought of the supplements I take and realized I hadn’t taken them. A cleanse has recently happened … first a 3 day fast, then a cell cleanse followed by little food and much water, or at least more than normal. The body is vibrating a soft hum.

Understanding has changed. It has gone from the superstition taught in today’s world to a deeper source, truer. Many call it mythology, but the evidence cannot be denied. Regions around the whole world have similar data which has been kept in shadow for a very long time.

Funny when really considered … history is a made up story, much of it … mythology more real than we’ve been led to believe.

Orb,
Eagle staring me in the face,
Huge, hooked beak right before my eyes.

Sensing is quite interesting. Coming into it again, slowly. The first round was too fast. While I do not understand it fully (or at all, consciously) it’s happening, none the less.

 

Sowing Seeds

Published November 18, 2017 by tindertender

Driving along the highway, enjoying the sunny day, I see ahead of me on the side of the road a form. Upon nearing it I see it was once a Shepard dog, or something similar. I know animals are getting hit and killed all of the time, but this one struck me close to the heart, for I am a dog lover. (I love all animals, don’t get me wrong, but I sleep with dogs every night.) As I was alone on this journey, I internalized the scene, I tried to push it to the back of my mind but it kept swimming into my inner sight.

A couple hours later I arrived home to take a friend on a necessary trip to the store. On the way back from there, I spilled the beans, I described to a tee what had been rolling around in my head.

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I sit here now, and I wonder why it is that there seems to be no solution from the spinning of negative, hurtful, or downright disturbing scenes, phrases and events but for the release of them out into the world, laid upon the minds and eyes of others.

There they go, now this scene is in their mind, lessened perhaps, for they did not actually see it, but the description is there, and we all know how detailed the mind can be when reading a book, or hearing a story.

If only there were a way not to put this type of thing into the world, while still releasing and letting go. It truly is not my desire or wish to propagate unpleasantness. When I sit and feel the life of me, those visions and thoughts still spin, they do so until I let them go.

As a younger lady, I journaled. I wrote down every nasty thing I wanted to say to some jerk, I spewed the emotional hurt or anger on paper. I would sometimes make it a letter and seal it in an envelope, putting on a stamp. (Letting it sit for a week before tearing it up). That was a great release and no one needed to wear it afterward … until the day someone decided they wanted to read my journals, which they ‘found’. They were hurt, because some of the things in there were telling of the pain I felt by some of their actions and the way I experienced it. I stopped journaling.

I began to harbor these things inside, and then they began to overflow into the world, and they were ugly, more ugly than anything I could have put on paper.

Now days I am not angry, but still, the disturbing scenes similar to this afternoon, and the pain I see inflicted in the world are still there, roaming around in my mind. I blog about some of them … but there again, they get all over everyone who takes the time to read them.

I see there really is a need for quiet, personal reflection and release. For in talking aloud, or typing on social media of any kind, it grows in the minds of others. So I consider yet again …

What seeds do I want to sow in this world?

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Outer Calm, Inner Turmoil

Published October 20, 2017 by tindertender

As I sit, serene look upon my face, the inner talk and questions never cease, although you would not know it. I imagine it is the same with others. When I look at someone, curiosity arises, and I wonder if they have the inner conversations with self (or with whomever may be listening) like I do, and I wonder if they are curious if I do as well.

It enters my mind that someone out there hears, knows … my heart and inner intent very clear. I cannot seem to get the story of Mithras out of my mind.

Mithras

MIthrasMithra, friend, originating in India, was a god of light who was translated into the attendant god of Ahura Mazdah in the light religion of Persia, from there he was adopted by the Romans as their deity Mithras. Generally, he is not regarded as a sky god, but rather a personification of the fertilization power of warm, light air. According to the Avesta, he possesses 10,000 eyes and ears and rides in a chariot drawn by white horses.

In the dualistic Zoroastrianism, which effectively demoted him, Mithra, who represented truth, was concerned with the constant battle between light and dark forces. He was responsible for the keeping of oaths and contracts. He was born from a rock, according to legend, and engaged in a primeval struggle with Ahura Mazdah’s first creation, a wild bull, which he subdued and confined in a cave. The bull escaped, but was recaptured by Mithra, who slit its throat. The flowing of that blood gave plant life on earth. Ahriman, the power of darkness, is his chief adversary.

Mithra, though not generally worshiped alone, was an integral part of the Mithraic worship of Ahura Mazdah, where he acts as an intercessor between gods and men. In the Hellenic period he assumes more of the role of a sun god.

Hears All, Sees All, Knows All

Often we may believe that we are alone in this world, left to defend ourselves from all of the chaos that surrounds us. While it may appear to be true, I urge you to think on all of the ‘close calls’ you’ve had in life. Do you honestly believe they were only that, or do you believe you were actually helped through the experience? My thought is that many of you know you were assisted by that which you do not see.

The One with all authority needs no name, for this One is for all. Mankind has had so many ‘stories’ fed to it that it is difficult to shed these layers and see the actual truth, which is so simple, it is hard to grasp. Humanity has a habit of complicating everything it touches.

Has it really come to this?

Published October 1, 2017 by tindertender

“My ‘Real’ friends will post this …”

What about all the times contact has been attempted, and ignored? What about the times comfort has been given, only ridiculed and rejected because it didn’t ‘fit’ with current  ‘beliefs’? And yet still, attempts are made to reach you. What about “… although years have gone by, dear friends are forever in our hearts …” ?

It is easy to post things thought of as ‘real friends’ on the internet and pretend that we are doing all we can to be a good friend, but when a reaching hand is slapped away, or even walked away from, then the heart has spoken, and this indeed outshines anything one posts on the web.

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Love remains, despite it all … for in the end, this is the only thing worth living for.

Alan Watts ~ Conversation With Myself

Published June 24, 2017 by tindertender

1971 … and still humanity tries to force things. The universe has a way of shifting, even when we are perfectly happy staying in a dead end situation. We see it all the time, in ended relationships, jobs, living situations … everything will turn, and the Greater Life is trying to help us see this. If only we would pay attention …

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