Driving along the highway, enjoying the sunny day, I see ahead of me on the side of the road a form. Upon nearing it I see it was once a Shepard dog, or something similar. I know animals are getting hit and killed all of the time, but this one struck me close to the heart, for I am a dog lover. (I love all animals, don’t get me wrong, but I sleep with dogs every night.) As I was alone on this journey, I internalized the scene, I tried to push it to the back of my mind but it kept swimming into my inner sight.
A couple hours later I arrived home to take a friend on a necessary trip to the store. On the way back from there, I spilled the beans, I described to a tee what had been rolling around in my head.
I sit here now, and I wonder why it is that there seems to be no solution from the spinning of negative, hurtful, or downright disturbing scenes, phrases and events but for the release of them out into the world, laid upon the minds and eyes of others.
There they go, now this scene is in their mind, lessened perhaps, for they did not actually see it, but the description is there, and we all know how detailed the mind can be when reading a book, or hearing a story.
If only there were a way not to put this type of thing into the world, while still releasing and letting go. It truly is not my desire or wish to propagate unpleasantness. When I sit and feel the life of me, those visions and thoughts still spin, they do so until I let them go.
As a younger lady, I journaled. I wrote down every nasty thing I wanted to say to some jerk, I spewed the emotional hurt or anger on paper. I would sometimes make it a letter and seal it in an envelope, putting on a stamp. (Letting it sit for a week before tearing it up). That was a great release and no one needed to wear it afterward … until the day someone decided they wanted to read my journals, which they ‘found’. They were hurt, because some of the things in there were telling of the pain I felt by some of their actions and the way I experienced it. I stopped journaling.
I began to harbor these things inside, and then they began to overflow into the world, and they were ugly, more ugly than anything I could have put on paper.
Now days I am not angry, but still, the disturbing scenes similar to this afternoon, and the pain I see inflicted in the world are still there, roaming around in my mind. I blog about some of them … but there again, they get all over everyone who takes the time to read them.
I see there really is a need for quiet, personal reflection and release. For in talking aloud, or typing on social media of any kind, it grows in the minds of others. So I consider yet again …
What seeds do I want to sow in this world?