Strength

All posts in the Strength category

Too Much Woman

Published September 16, 2018 by tindertender

Too Much Woman

There she is. . . the “too much” woman. The one who loves too hard, feels too deeply, asks too often, desires too much.

There she is taking up too much space, with her laughter, her curves, her honesty, her sexuality. Her presence is as tall as a tree, as wide as a mountain. Her energy occupies every crevice of the room. Too much space she takes.

There she is causing a ruckus with her persistent wanting, too much wanting. She desires a lot, wants everything—too much happiness, too much alone time, too much pleasure. She’ll go through brimstone, murky river, and hellfire to get it. She’ll risk all to quell the longings of her heart and body. This makes her dangerous.

She is dangerous.

And there she goes, that “too much” woman, making people think too much, feel too much, swoon too much. She with her authentic prose and a self-assuredness in the way she carries herself. She with her belly laughs and her insatiable appetite and her proneness to fiery passion. All eyes on her, thinking she’s hot shit.

Oh, that “too much” woman. . . too loud, too vibrant, too honest, too emotional, too smart, too intense, too pretty, too difficult, too sensitive, too wild, too intimidating, too successful, too fat, too strong, too political, too joyous, too needy—too much. She should simmer down a bit, be taken down a couple notches.

Someone should put her back in a more respectable place. Someone should tell her.

Here I am. . . the Too Much Woman, with my too-tender heart and my too-much emotions.

A hedonist, feminist, pleasure seeker, empath. I want a lot—justice, sincerity, spaciousness, ease, intimacy, actualization, respect, to be seen, to be understood, your undivided attention, and all of your promises to be kept.

I’ve been called high maintenance because I want what I want, and intimidating because of the space I occupy. I’ve been called selfish because I am self-loving. I’ve been called a witch because I know how to heal myself.

And still. . . I rise. Still, I want and feel and ask and risk and take up space.
I must.

Us Too Much Women have been facing extermination for centuries—we are so afraid of her, terrified of her big presence, of the way she commands respect and wields the truth of her feelings. We’ve been trying to stifle the Too Much Woman for eons — in our sisters, in our wives, in our daughters. And even now, even today, we shame the Too Much Woman for her bigness, for her wanting, for her passionate nature.

And still. . . she thrives.

In my own world and before my very eyes, I am witnessing the reclamation and rising up of the Too Much Woman. That Too Much Woman is also known to some as Wild Woman or the Divine Feminine. In any case, she is me, she is you, and she is loving that she’s finally, finally getting some airtime.

If you’ve ever been called “too much,” or “overly emotional,” or “bitchy,” or “stuck up,” you are likely a Too Much Woman.

And if you are. . . I implore you to embrace all that you are—all of your depth, all of your vastness; to not hold yourself in, and to never abandon yourself, your bigness, your radiance.

Forget everything you’ve heard—your too muchness is a gift; oh yes, one that can heal, incite, liberate, and cut straight to the heart of things.

Do not be afraid of this gift, and let no one shy you away from it. Your too muchness is magic, is medicine. It can change the world.

So please, Too Much Woman: Ask. Seek. Desire. Expand. Move. Feel. Be.

Make your waves, fan your flames, give your chills.

~~~ Ev’yan Whitney

Freedom of Expression ~ Gained

Published September 7, 2018 by tindertender

I was fortunate to hear Don Jose Ruiz speak in person last night. I am grateful that he is traveling, sharing portions of his story and the wisdom gained through these experiences.

Being our authentic self in full view of others can be a challenge, for in doing so it requires that we shed all the ‘stories’ we have created to justify certain behaviors. It requires that we do so in order to share our most personal selves.

Walking into the fear of judgement from others is not easy, nor is it easy to withstand when it arrives, which it inevitably will. Do it anyway, free yourself, LIVE.

https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/the-dream-journal-ep/1294821183

Climbing Mountains

Published June 14, 2018 by tindertender
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Photo by Andreas Fidler

He said, She said … How long has this been going on? Argument … consistent, never ending, argument. Who is right and who is wrong? Is there any such thing?

Has a human ever found it easy to place themselves in a situation they find someone else in, before making an assessment? I am aware there are many cultures who cultivate certain responses, certain controls of self, and nurture their ability to have compassion and understanding for others.

There are others who practice thinking before speaking … resting with emotion, and rather than let the emotion be in charge of what comes out the mouth, they choose to not say a word, until later, after the adrenaline slows.

It seems the tendency to jump to conclusions is prevalent nowadays though … it is seen plainly, every day, wherever one may find themselves.

Becoming older, learning to break habits and alter the ‘training’ learned from youth, to shed the person of the past, is a true blessing. Just to have the opportunity to recreate that which we are is HUGE!! So many people never see it, so many people stay in the strangle hold of that which someone else gave them to wear.

In youth, it is often that someone else forms who we are. How the hair is worn, what fashion is adopted, if any, how we speak, or act in public, what we eat, how we chew, whether we say please or thank you, or ask permission at all, whether we take, or give, acknowledge lack peacefully, or strive to have more and more.

If fortunate to live long enough, this point becomes noticeable, opportunity arises to recreate that person-hood who we walk through life being. Shedding habits, forgiving others, in order to hopefully, one day forgive self, lightening the load of humanity and assisting in making positive change for the world, bringing light and song and joy to the day, every day that is consciously chosen.

There will always be someone to try and stop it … to create doubt and feelings of insufficiency … this is their reality and they try to impose it into others lives … to make others wear who and what they are (… in that particular moment).

You do not have to bear that load for them, the energies you produce will always be spent on what you allow them to be spent on.

Power is in Choice … every day, you wield it.

 

What Are You Afraid Of?

Published June 12, 2018 by tindertender

Photo by Paul Garaizar

So much time wasted on fear, fear of what others think, or what they might do. Fear of not being accepted, or of being denied, forgotten, abused.

Extreme fear has the capacity to render one immobile, frozen in place, unable to function. Often just the thought of what could be is enough to succeed in this paralyzation of people.

There are times when one can be so sure that disaster, or ill harm is going to happen. Most times this is all that is needed … the manipulators only have to introduce these ideas to people and the rest is … well, it is actually what we see in the world today.

Television shows us boogeymen (and women) in a fashion that is quite exaggerated. More often than not, the truly awful and dangerous stuff isn’t quite as easy to discern. Disguised as something good and beneficial it can be too late to alter course once the reality is seen, too late to change direction smoothly anyway.

Facing the innermost fear is indeed a challenge. Mustering up courage to walk into that which one would rather run from is very difficult. But in most cases this effort will bring reward, and that reward is the knowledge that what was feared is not capable of living up to the imagination of its power.

Laying in a tiny room she knew they were waiting for her, outside. A friend tried to comfort her, she could not bring herself to believe what he was saying, she did not trust that he knew what he was talking about. He was forgiving and did not get upset, for he knew her dilemma. Finally, she rose, determined to exit the space, thinking to herself, “if I die, so be it.” Lo and behold, she walked out and found she was free. No one was there to harm her, her imagination was the only thing which held her prisoner.

Facing fear will be the hardest thing ever done, but once done, an understanding of how powerless these imaginings are will be known. Most times, the imagination will give something much bigger and scarier to a person to think about, much larger than the reality.

Gifting ones self this exercise is empowering, for in facing that which robs one of personal capacity, that which was stolen, and more, will be obtained.

She Is Such A Person

Published May 17, 2018 by tindertender
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Photo by Nathan McBride

Her mind free from thought,
her appearance calm and tranquil,
her forehead beams simplicity.

Her chill is as elemental as autumn, her warmth that of spring. Her joy and anger flow like the four seasons. She always does what’s suitable, and has no limitations … Without showing affection her blessings extend through ten generations.

She has her likes and dislikes. What she likes is the One and what she dislikes is also the One. What is One is One, and what is not One is also One.

Such a person lets the gold stay hidden in the mountains,
and the pearls sleep in the deep waters.
She doesn’t consider property or money to be a benefit
and avoids riches and honors.
She doesn’t rejoice in long life,
nor grieve over early death.
She doesn’t account prosperity a blessing,
nor is ashamed of poverty.

From scattered pages of the book of Chuang Tzu

You Deserve Better

Published May 11, 2018 by tindertender

Fear is bred in the hearts and minds of people. Lack is fostered in countries world over. Humanity spends much time trying to escape their reality, to find something more pleasurable, sustainable … over there. We are led to believe we cannot change a bad situation, when the truth is, we are the only ones who can. Step out of the cloud.

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Photo by Luther Bottrill

You did not come into this life to play small. You are deserving of the same which the wealthy man has. Your goods and wages have been stolen your whole life, you’ve been taught this is the way it must be for the good of the country, for the good of the people.

The only thing that is good for the people is for you to recognize your value, to claim your birthright, to rest in your power and ability to facilitate change. You do not have to run, or hide, or shrink yourself. Indeed the world will only benefit by your expansion.

Dig in those heels of yours. Make adjustments right where you are. Claim your space. This is your life and you are not meant to bow to any man, you are meant to stand tall in your own right. Hard work, persistence, creativity and goals for strengthening the whole is key, climb out of the tiny box and see a bigger picture. The world will only benefit should we work together to rise, in cooperation with each other, as a unit.

Greed must be stopped and enough must be distributed. The community needs your aid, the earth needs your care. Not over there … but right where you are. The scattered forces must be stabilized, the scurrying about needs an end. The honorable which resides in you demands it, for without it, the world dies.

Tired Body, Tired Mind

Published May 10, 2018 by tindertender

There are days when physical labor is pushed, maximized to the best of ones ability. There are also days when number crunching and project planning is a continuous cycle. Hours go by and the muscles begin to ache, the mind starts to as well. Tylenol can be ones best friend after this work.

Efforts made are increasing, it is as though we’ve entered the ‘spin cycle’ of life. There is a wringing out of the ‘suds’, a cleansing is happening. Soon there will be an end to the spin and it will be time to dry, fluffing and making soft the load we’ve been carrying.

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Photo by Joshua Fuller

A blessing is in store. The effort, the stamina maintained as the sea of life is sailed, all experiences, will culminate in calm, it is going to settle. As the waters rage they are washing away the grime that has collected, and although it seems so much is destroyed, it is actually a purification. The sun is about to shine bright, bringing abundance in ways that have been missing for nearly everyone. As we begin to realize the intricate connection we have with the earth, the waters, the air and with each other, we will learn to ride the tide … not with fear and a clutching to anything we find for safety, but with balance and awe as the truth embraces us, and as we embrace the truth.

When things begin to sweep out from under, go to high ground … rise above it. Whether it be a tumultuous relationship of some kind, or some other experience … rise. This cleansing is going to happen, where you place yourself will determine how it affects you.

When too much is taken from a situation without anything given back an imbalance occurs. This is seen in many situations, it is in the products we choose, it is in what we put into the soil and water of the earth, it is what we allow in our lives..

As this shift happens, look around, practice really seeing others and how circumstances affect them, look deeply into your own world. Often, life is a story told and many of these tales are complete fiction.

Transparency, vulnerability … allowing the real you to shine will be the gift you came to share with the world. No one can be you better than you.

Keep Going

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