Responsibility

All posts in the Responsibility category

Spinning Entry … or Standing Still

Published November 18, 2018 by tindertender

How many doors are there to all knowledge? Is one forced to locate ‘A’ door? Pigeon holed into one line of entry? Or are there many doors, everywhere, all along life’s path?

Wherever we find ourselves on the journey, we will find, upon deep reflection, we are actually in the eye of the storm, standing smack dab in the middle of where all doors … and openings … meet.

Do you dare enter one of the doors? Or do you open them all and stand center, sending love and song and sweetness into each of them? Not really joining with, or meshing with any single room, or path, or group.

She spins right, wearing her white dress. Sparkles begin to fly off of her as she spins, entering the dark opening of each door. It’s as though a tube is surrounding all of them, and sliding down the rim of the aperture is Golden streams, like water dripping down the outer edges. Darkness is behind, yet these golden rivulets are reflecting light.

She stands in a circle of light and all of the doors seem to disappear, all except one large opening. It seems to open into darkness, but as she looks at it, it begins to glow slightly blue, ever so subtle in the dim, near impenetrable view.

Aaahhh, sunset. The sky a pale blue as the light fades. Silhouettes begin to appear. Buildings, hills, and anything that is abound the earth.

Hair like liquid gold, parted on the right. Gentle waves and a thin band across the forehead. Features delicate, beautiful … yet eyes are like liquid, icy laser beams. Your energy pushes against my middle and a sensation like … fear? … butterflies?

I wonder, your features say you are young, your stature small … yet there is no such thing as small is there? That is a word humans dreamed up after they stuffed themselves into a flesh suit. Reality … who are you really? Why are you pretending to be small when in fact you are so very large? Are you here to burn away my illusion? What if I’m not ready? What if I’m comfortable in the uncomfortableness?

Strange. I thought myself courageous, brave, and willing to face what is … yet this moment allows me to understand there is still fear embedded in the mind. It holds me back from walking through doors, from committing to anything, to remaining aloof.

One thing I’ve learned is that while patient, there is only so much of it that can be offered an individual. At some point, the comfortable will be pushed into discomfort, forced to stretch beyond that which they know. We’re forced to face our fear, willingly … or kicking and screaming.

I think again about what nice means. I think to myself, it wasn’t very nice of me to yell at someone the other day. Fortunately for me, he forgives easily, quickly, and just lets it go like it never happened. Then on the other hand I know someone who refuses to even try to come to an understanding, about what? I do not know. I realize I’m swimming between two poles of experience with two different people. One who forgives and moves on, the other who refuses and fosters negativity. Two completely different reality’s, and me standing in the middle … sometimes frustrated by it all.

All of a sudden I consider many other things as well.

Many … other … things …

Men Cause 100% of Unwanted Pregnancies

Published November 17, 2018 by tindertender

The author, Gabrielle Blair.

Our conversation about abortion places the burden of responsibility on women. I argue men are the root cause.

As a mother of six and a Mormon, I have a good understanding of arguments surrounding abortion, religious and otherwise. When I hear men discussing women’s reproductive rights, I’m often left with the thought that they have zero interest in stopping abortion.

If you want to prevent abortion, you need to prevent unwanted pregnancies. Men seem unable (or unwilling) to admit that they cause 100% of them.

I realize that’s a bold statement. You’re likely thinking, “Wait. It takes two to tango!” While I fully agree with you in the case of intentional pregnancies, I argue that all unwanted pregnancies are caused by the irresponsible ejaculations of men. All of them.

Don’t believe me?

Fertility stats and the calendar, it’s easy to see that men are the issue here.
Let’s start with this: A woman’s egg is only fertile for about two days each month. Yes, there are exceptions, because nature. But one egg which is fertile two days each month is the baseline. And those fertile eggs are produced for a limited number of years. This means, on average, women are fertile for about 24 days per year.
But men are fertile 365 days a year. In fact, if you’re a man who ejaculates multiple times a day, you could cause multiple pregnancies daily. In theory, a man could cause 1000+ unwanted pregnancies in just one year. While it’s true that sperm gets crappier as men age, it doesn’t have a fertility expiration date; men can cause unwanted pregnancies from puberty until death. So, starting with basic fertility stats and the calendar, it’s easy to see that men are the issue here.
As a society, we really don’t mind if women suffer, physically or mentally, as long as it makes things easier for men.
“But what about birth control?” you might ask. “ If a woman can manage to figure out how to get an abortion, surely she can use birth control to avoid unwanted pregnancy, right?”
Great question. Modern birth control for women is possibly the most important invention of the last century, and I’m very grateful for it. It’s also brutal. The side effects for many women include migraines, mood swings, decreased libido, depression, severe cramps, heavy bleeding, aneurysm — and that’s just a small fraction of them.
Discouragingly, a promising study on a new male contraceptive was canceled in large part due to… (wait for it)… side effects. To be clear, this list of side effects was about one-third as long as the known side effects for commonly used women’s contraception. There’s a lot to unpack in that story alone. I’ll simply point out that, as a society, we really don’t mind if women suffer, physically or mentally, as long as it makes things easier for men.
But, men, I’ve got good news. Even with the horrible side effects, women are (amazingly!) very willing to use birth control. Unfortunately, it’s harder to get than it should be, but that doesn’t keep women from trying. Birth control options for women require a doctor’s appointment — sometimes multiple doctor’s appointments — and a prescription. They’re not always free, and often not cheap. Some are actually trying to make female birth control options more expensive by allowing insurance companies to refuse to cover them. In addition, contraceptive options for women can’t be easily acquired at the last minute. In most cases, they don’t work instantly.
The pill requires consistent daily use and doesn’t leave much room for mistakes, forgetfulness, or unexpected disruptions to daily schedules. Again, the side effects can be brutal — and not just in rare cases. Despite the hassle and side effects, I’m still grateful for birth control. (Please don’t take it away.) But it’s critical to understand that women’s birth control isn’t simple or easy.
In contrast, let’s look at birth control for men — i.e., condoms. They’re readily available at all hours, inexpensive, convenient, and don’t require a prescription. They’re effective and work on demand, instantly. They don’t cause aneurysms, mood swings, or debilitating cramps. Men can keep them stocked up just in case, so they’re always prepared. They can be easily used at the last minute. I mean, condoms are magic! So much easier than birth control options for women.
As a bonus, most women are totally on board with condoms. They keep us from getting STDs. They don’t lessen our pleasure during sex or prevent us from climaxing. The best part? Cleanup is so much easier — no waddling to the toilet as jizz drips down our legs.
So why would there ever be unwanted pregnancies? Why don’t men just use condoms every time they have sex? Seems so simple, right?

Oh. I remember. Men don’t love condoms. In fact, it’s very, very common for men to pressure women to have sex without a condom. It’s also not unheard of for men to remove the condom during sex without the women’s permission or knowledge. (Pro tip: That’s assault.)

Why would men want to have sex without a condom? Because, for the precious minutes when they’re penetrating their partner, not wearing a condom gives them more pleasure. So… that would mean some men are willing to risk getting a woman pregnant — which means literally risking her life, her health, her social status, her relationships, and her career — so they can experience a few minutes of slightly increased pleasure. Is this for real?

Yes. Yes, it is.

Pregnancies happen when men have an orgasm. Unwanted pregnancies happen when men orgasm irresponsibly.

Imagine a pleasure scale, with pain beginning at zero and going down into the negatives. A good back-scratch falls at 5, and an orgasm without a condom is a 10. Where would sex with a condom fall? A 7 or 8? So, it’s not that sex with a condom is not pleasurable, it’s just not as pleasurable. An 8 instead of a 10.

Let me emphasize that again: Men regularly choose to put women at massive risk in order to experience a few minutes of slightly increased pleasure.

For the truly condom-averse, men also have a non-condom, always-ready birth control option built right in: the pull-out. It doesn’t protect against STDs, it’s an easy joke, and it’s far from perfect. However, it’s 96% effective if done correctly, and 78% effective in practice (because it’s often not done correctly).

Still, many men who resist wearing condoms never learn how to pull out correctly. Apparently, it’s slightly more pleasurable to climax inside a vagina than, say, on their partner’s stomach. Once again, men are willing to risk the life, health, and well-being of women in order to experience a tiny bit more pleasure for roughly five seconds during orgasm.

Think of the choice men are making here. Honestly, I’m not as mad as I should be about this, because we’ve trained men from birth to disassociate sex and pregnancy. We’ve taught them that their pleasure is of utmost importance.

As a general rule, men get women pregnant by having an orgasm. Yes, there are exceptions — it’s possible for sperm to show up in pre-ejaculate — but in most cases, getting a woman pregnant is a pleasurable act for men. But men can get a woman pregnant without her feeling any pleasure at all. It’s even possible for a man to impregnate a woman while causing her excruciating pain, trauma, or horror.
In contrast, a woman can have nonstop orgasms with or without a partner and never once get herself pregnant. A woman’s orgasm has literally nothing to do with pregnancy or fertility — her clitoris exists simply for pleasure, not for creating new humans. No matter how many orgasms she has, they won’t make her pregnant.
Pregnancies happen when men have an orgasm. Unwanted pregnancies happen when men orgasm irresponsibly.
A woman can be the sluttiest slut in the entire world, she can love having orgasms all day and all night long, and she will never find herself with an unwanted pregnancy unless a man shows up and ejaculates irresponsibly. Though our society tends to villainize female pleasure, women’s enjoyment of sex does not equal unwanted pregnancy and abortion. Men’s enjoyment of sex and irresponsible ejaculations do.
Let’s move to the topic of responsibility. Often, men don’t know, don’t ask, and don’t think to ask if they’ve caused a pregnancy. There are often zero consequences for men who cause unwanted pregnancies.
If the woman decides to have an abortion, the man may never even know he caused an unwanted pregnancy with his irresponsible ejaculation. If the woman decides to have the baby, or put the baby up for adoption, the man may never know he caused an unwanted pregnancy with his irresponsible ejaculation either. He may never know there’s now a child walking around with 50% of his DNA.

If the woman does tell him he caused an unwanted pregnancy and that she’s having the baby, the closest thing to a consequence for him is child support. Our current child support system is a well-known joke. Only about 61 percent of required payments by men are actually made, and there are little to no repercussions for skipping out. In some states, failing to pay child support doesn’t even affect your credit.

If a man does pay child support, it doesn’t come close to what is required by a woman in the case of an unwanted pregnancy.

Let’s talk about abortion. When the topic comes up, men might think: Abortion is horrible; women should not have abortions. Never once do they consider the man who caused the unwanted pregnancy.

If you actually care about reducing or eliminating the number of abortions in our country, simply hold men accountable for their actions.

If we’re discussing abortion law — and not how to hold men accountable for irresponsible ejaculations, and the unwanted pregnancies caused by them — we’re wasting our time. Shift the conversation. Stop protesting at clinics. Stop shaming women. Stop debating whether or not to overturn abortion laws. If you actually care about reducing or eliminating the number of abortions in our country, simply hold men accountable for their actions.

What would that look like? A real and immediate consequence for men who cause an unwanted pregnancy. What kind of consequence would make sense? Should it be as harsh, painful, nauseating, scarring, expensive, risky, and life-altering … as forcing a woman to go through a nine-month unwanted pregnancy?
If you consider abortion to be murder, consider this thought experiment: Would you be on board with having a handful of men castrated to prevent 600,000 murders each year? If this argument sounds too provocative, could it be that many of us have a hard time wrapping our heads around a physical punishment for men? We seem to be more than fine with physical punishments for women. Perhaps we care more about policing women’s bodies, morality, and sexuality than we do about reducing or eliminating abortions.

Here’s another prevention idea: All males in the U.S. could get a vasectomy when they are ready to be sexually active. Vasectomies are very safe, highly reversible, and about as invasive as a woman getting an IUD implanted. In most cases, there’s some soreness afterwards for about 24 hours, but that’s pretty much it for side effects. (Take a moment to remember that female contraception options, used by millions of women in our country and billions across the world, have well-known side effects which can be brutal and severe — and yes, also include soreness.) If and when a man becomes a responsible adult, finds a mate, and wants to have a baby, the vasectomy can be reversed and then redone once the childbearing stage is over. Each man can bank their sperm before the vasectomy, just in case.

Don’t like my ideas? That’s fine. I’m sure there are better ideas, and I challenge you to suggest your own. My point is we need to stop focusing on women if we’re trying to get rid of abortions. Think of abortion as the “cure” for an unwanted pregnancy. To stop abortions, we need to prevent the “disease” — meaning, the unwanted pregnancy itself. And the only way to do that is by focusing on men, because irresponsible ejaculations by men cause 100% of unwanted pregnancy.

Ask yourselves: What would it take for you to value the life of your sexual partner more than your own temporary pleasure or convenience?

If you’re a man, what would it take for you to never again ejaculate irresponsibly? A loss of money, rights, or freedoms? Physical pain? Ask yourselves: What would it take for you to value the life of your sexual partner more than your own temporary pleasure or convenience?

Men mostly run our government, and men mostly make our laws. In theory, men could eliminate — or drastically reduce — abortions within months without ever touching an abortion law or even mentioning women. They’d simply need to hold men accountable for irresponsible ejaculations, and legislate accordingly.
To reduce or eliminate abortions, stop attempting to control women’s bodies and sexuality. Because unwanted pregnancies are caused by men.

Burdens Carried

Published November 14, 2018 by tindertender

Burdens carried can weigh us down. Often the burden has become such a part of life its presence is nearly undetectable. The symptoms are masked as physical pain, and perhaps depression, or anxiety.

Is the story of life real, or simply an illusion built around that which is ‘less painful’?

Just underneath consciousness there is a place where communication happens with those who we cannot see. Being quizzed, I woke to hear myself silently answer, “I carry the burden of shame”.

I thought about this periodically throughout the day and have come to the conclusion that this ‘burden’ is facilitated in the mind from birth.

As children many of us are taught that our creations are lacking beauty, that we ourselves are lacking that which makes us lovable. When pure joy rises up in us there is always someone there to squash it. It seems to carry on into adulthood, until it is recognized, and consciously ended. Often we must leave behind those who claim to ‘love’ us.

I wonder about this cycle in the world. It happens everywhere, not limited to this country or that.

As chaos grows on the planet we can see those who facilitate destruction more clearly. They are being called out, exposed for the ‘average person’ to see. This can be quite disheartening, for those we have trusted, and their methods, will be seen plainly.

The tough part of the process is to learn to see our own heart just as clearly as we ‘think’ we see others. This is difficult, for many of us prefer to think we are ‘righteous’ and the others who do harm are not. It is important to know that what we see in the world is also part of our self. The only way to heal it is to recognize it, ask of our self how much of it we see in our own actions and thought patterns, and then heal that.

In the shadows of the mind many things dwell, many things that are difficult to look at, to decipher, and to cast out. So many people project outward, trying to mend the illness of the world, all the while refusing to mend what is in their own heart.

Personally, I am left to discover this ‘burden of shame’ which I carry and make the attempt to find forgiveness where it is concerned … to heal, to shed the weight of it, and to freely rise beyond it … without the use of excuses.

It is a difficult process, for while the inner work is done, those who we see, other people, will attempt to reinforce the negative. At the same time, those who we cannot see will attempt to reinforce the burden we carry, convincing our mind that the burden cannot be released.

This battle is with the invisible realms, attempting to keep us from joy and balance and love. This battle is also with others we can see who are under the influence of those who wish to keep us from happiness.

The key is to observe, not absorb. Outside influences we can hear, and sense, are only that … outside influences. Let them remain as such while you gather your own thoughts and ideas about what you believe will bring healing … to your life, and to the lives your life touches.

Social Terrorism

Published November 4, 2018 by tindertender

It’s tearing our world apart, and it does not require physical violence.

For centuries people have terrorized each other. Man against woman, adult against child, child against child, adult against adult, government against government, government against its very own people. Humans beat each other, kill each other, mentally abuse each other, and even abuse themselves. They butcher and consume animals, they mistreat the animals without care for the harm they do.

This terrorism is bred into society. Governments speak of terrorism daily. It trickles into the minds of all who listen. The pain created by individuals who ‘play the terrorist game’ is absorbed into minds of those who are inflicted upon.

This is learned behavior. Just as children learn from watching their parents, all people learn from watching their ‘leaders’ to gauge what is acceptable, what is deemed appropriate. Governments say it is all about ‘bad people’, but this is what they themselves finance and foster and do in covert ways every day.

It has been talked of, and performed for so long that it has become a normal part of existence. Crimes against humanity have been neglected and approved by so many in the world that it continues, and its intensity grows.

Bullying is more than that … it is social terrorism, and often it is overlooked and ignored.

Domestic abuse is more than that … it is social terrorism, and often, it too, is overlooked and ignored, until someone dies.

Peer pressure is more than that … it is social terrorism, requiring many times that people conform to the ‘accepted rule’ of the few, or ‘bullying ensues’.

This is the behavior of many countries representatives. It is no wonder the average person falls into it as well.

My hope is that people the world over will stop ‘softening’ what is actually going on here and call it for what it is. Stop making bad behavior acceptable, hold people accountable, hold yourself accountable.

It is never okay to stomp on another’s head. You don’t agree with them or their life? Move on, find people who you DO agree with and stop making others miserable. This only shows how miserable of a life you yourself must have.

Being responsible means taking a good hard look at your thoughts and actions. Evaluate the imprint you are putting into this world. Look at it and see whether it is adding to healing in the world, or exacerbating the pain. Adjust accordingly.

If you are of the mind that you would like to facilitate pain and destruction, you will get what you give. If you intentionally, consciously work for healing in this world, you will get what you give …. in this life, or the next. By ‘next’ I mean in Spirit, or your next go ’round in physical form.

The cycle must be broken.
Social Terrorism is NOT okay.

Power In Awareness and Conscious Choice

Published October 16, 2018 by tindertender

Kermit

The unseen influencers of this world are quite arrogant. They spout on and on about blasphemy, and sacrilege, calling people “nefarious”. (Synonyms: wickedevilsinfuliniquitousegregous, heinousatrociousvilefoul,
abominable, odiousdepravedmonstrousfiendishdiabolicalunspeakabledespicable;
villainous, criminalcorruptillegalunlawful.)

They fail to understand that what they see in this world is actually a reflection of what they put into it. I go back and forth between feeling sorry for them, and being quite angry with them. I am attempting to decipher whether they are actually naive, or intentional in their behaviors. Self righteous without physical form.

It seems those who were once in body, having authority over lives, whether people were allowed to breathe, or were ordered to die, are still very much alive wishing harm on those they see as ‘unfit’ to live.

It is a shame really, that our medical system is so out of touch with the spirit realms. They can drug people for the symptoms they experience due to this influence, but they have no other knowledge on how to handle this situation. Many of them refuse to believe that life goes on once the body quits us. This is an egregious error.

The only hope to combat these influences is to 1) admit they are real, 2) understand that energy is never ending, 3) know that there are those who have desired power over others. In life they had that, and in death they refuse to give it up. Only by acknowledging this fact can people choose consciously the opposite of harm.

As these ‘punishers’ pass from body, they collect there on the other side of what the living call the ‘veil’. They collect there, teaming up to do the utmost harm to what remains on earth. They do not see us as ‘worthy’. Perhaps they are a little pissed that they are not here still, in physical form, to do dirty deeds themselves.

This is what acts as an infection to the minds of people. They manipulate minds to do harm to each other (since they can’t do it themselves). They will alter the thinking so people overly criticize themselves, seeing themselves as ugly, worthless, and non-deserving. Nothing could be farther from the truth.

If you have negative thoughts forming in your mind, know they are not yours, they are implants. First, the implant of thought in mind, Second, the manipulation of others to affirm the implant. You are under no obligation to believe any of it!

This truly is a war with the invisible realms. Many of us are now aware of their tactics. The veil is thinning, and at times many people will actually hear the audible conversation taking place ‘on the other side’.

Strings are being pulled. You can choose to be led around and act on the whispered, damaging instruction, or you can rebel and see it as a reflection of those who have already had opportunity for life. They failed, and now they want the rest of us to fail, to take each other out.

This isn’t just about what you see people doing to each other. It is about the influencers implanting thoughts and ideas into the human mind, and then they sit back and watch while humanity acts upon them.

FIGHT!! This is your world! Create the beauty you came here to build. Stop allowing the planet to be destroyed! Technology, while it seemed like a great idea, is actually a trap to keep people in a cycle of destruction. The more it advances, the greater the destruction.

If people don’t reclaim their authority over mind and matter, if they instead cede to the damaging details whispered into mind and act on the order of destruction, all life will lose. There won’t be a planet to be born into.

This cycle has gone on long enough.

Torn …

Published October 6, 2018 by tindertender

mike-enerio-87677-unsplash.jpg

My love has been trampled, my life and the life of my children abused. Yet still, I listen to and have compassion for the one responsible for much of it. He says to me these days, “You used to listen to me.” Yes, I did. I used to trust him, and then I experienced his true self. As he called me selfish, he behaved in that manner, deflecting the action(s) onto me.

While he calls Dr. Ford harsh names, spewing spittle from his mouth and snarling as he does, I cannot help to wonder what he will think when he passes from body. Will he become aware of the wrongs he has done? Will he take responsibility for his portion of pain in this world?

Currently so many people refuse to own their part of the whole. They look at themselves as successful, righteous, and fair. The changes they have taken part in … the coercion, the judgement of others … it has never even occurred to them that somehow they may have had a hand in a painful outcome, they are too busy laying blame elsewhere while they don their hats of superiority.

I mentioned to the room of guides and spirits, “He will know some day” and in return, “Someday soon”. It is so strange that through it all I still have love and compassion for this relationship, and others. I honestly don’t think people are aware of what they do, for they are too busy looking outside themselves, blaming others, than taking a good hard look at themselves. Maybe because it hurts to do so … I don’t know.

This country is anything but united. Men vs women, skin color separation, ethnicity differences, religious practices, awareness and sharing and refusal and demoralization by those who cannot see.

Children, animals, and others who do not wish to fight are abused every single day.

I will never lay down and pretend to be weak. I will never think it is okay for someone to stomp on another persons right to freedom of choice. Too many think they have the authority to tell a woman what to wear, what to say or not to say, what work to do, or not to do. They mistreat her as she brings new life into this world, they beat her physically and emotionally and they think this is acceptable.

Even towards those who have caused me pain I still find the love I had originally. I hope that when the time comes for them to experience what they unleashed onto others lives  it will not be as painful as the original experience, for all at once, this will be unbearable. I know what is coming even while they refuse to believe.

I look into my life and I wonder about my actions … how did my words and motivations affect those who took part in this life? I would like to break it down, understand it, and try to make it right before I leave this body, for afterward, there will not be that opportunity.

 

Asking Questions ~ Working For Peace

Published September 25, 2018 by tindertender

What is true for me?

Asking questions of self can be a liberating exercise. The answers which come out first are only an entry point into deeper meaning and realizations.

For instance, I might say that what is true for me is a desire for family. True family. In my past there were many step fathers and step siblings, they came and went as the wind blew it seems. But deeper than that …

I desire a sense of belonging. We don’t always get to choose who our ‘family’ is, but when the day comes that we are able to choose, sometimes we have to let go of that which was chosen for us.

Truth for me is a longing of connection to those who appreciate the earth and the ancestors, who respect each others decisions, even though we may not always agree.

Freedom, to be and to do what our ‘heart-speak’ whispers to us, as long as it is not harmful or deceitful. Yes, our heart-speak may not be what someone elses heart-speak is, and it may hurt the feelings of another especially if they are smitten with us, but honoring each others heart-speak is essential … for it is this freedom which allows our soul to grow.

Pain cracks open the heart, and what happens to a seed when it ‘cracks open’? It blooms, it grows, in a way that it never would have been able to if it had not been cracked.

Free-will allows us to choose whether we would have this crack ooze poison, or a healing salve which creates a beautiful experience, enriching life and offering possibilities to grow, and to harness strength.

Remaining open after a heart crack is a challenge, but it provides extreme beauty if we are willing to move with it, forward into the next opportunity for love.

So, what is true for me? I long for love, for peace, for belonging, and so I work to cultivate it … I love who I am today, more now than before all of the heart break and rejection. I have discovered that the beauty within me only became richer by my experiences and losses. Even today, I embrace those who deny me opportunity, for I know that the time will come when all will flow quite nicely.

Patience, this is key to all things. Trust in the grander scheme, the higher plan. Humanity cannot possibly know what this is, but it always seems to work out that every need is met (even when we are living in our car, yes, I’ve been there).

Connecting Heaven and Earth is a wonderful thought, and totally possible. Effort is needed, for this connection happens through the human body and mind. If we are wiling to try, if we want it to be, it will be.

Here is an exercise for morning and night and any time you feel the need to fill up or recharge or get grounded. I did this in the restroom yesterday afternoon, it was a great break from number crunching, and brought a sense of peace in the middle of my day … and no one even knew I did it.

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