Pain

All posts in the Pain category

Torn …

Published October 6, 2018 by tindertender

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My love has been trampled, my life and the life of my children abused. Yet still, I listen to and have compassion for the one responsible for much of it. He says to me these days, “You used to listen to me.” Yes, I did. I used to trust him, and then I experienced his true self. As he called me selfish, he behaved in that manner, deflecting the action(s) onto me.

While he calls Dr. Ford harsh names, spewing spittle from his mouth and snarling as he does, I cannot help to wonder what he will think when he passes from body. Will he become aware of the wrongs he has done? Will he take responsibility for his portion of pain in this world?

Currently so many people refuse to own their part of the whole. They look at themselves as successful, righteous, and fair. The changes they have taken part in … the coercion, the judgement of others … it has never even occurred to them that somehow they may have had a hand in a painful outcome, they are too busy laying blame elsewhere while they don their hats of superiority.

I mentioned to the room of guides and spirits, “He will know some day” and in return, “Someday soon”. It is so strange that through it all I still have love and compassion for this relationship, and others. I honestly don’t think people are aware of what they do, for they are too busy looking outside themselves, blaming others, than taking a good hard look at themselves. Maybe because it hurts to do so … I don’t know.

This country is anything but united. Men vs women, skin color separation, ethnicity differences, religious practices, awareness and sharing and refusal and demoralization by those who cannot see.

Children, animals, and others who do not wish to fight are abused every single day.

I will never lay down and pretend to be weak. I will never think it is okay for someone to stomp on another persons right to freedom of choice. Too many think they have the authority to tell a woman what to wear, what to say or not to say, what work to do, or not to do. They mistreat her as she brings new life into this world, they beat her physically and emotionally and they think this is acceptable.

Even towards those who have caused me pain I still find the love I had originally. I hope that when the time comes for them to experience what they unleashed onto others lives  it will not be as painful as the original experience, for all at once, this will be unbearable. I know what is coming even while they refuse to believe.

I look into my life and I wonder about my actions … how did my words and motivations affect those who took part in this life? I would like to break it down, understand it, and try to make it right before I leave this body, for afterward, there will not be that opportunity.

 

In The Beginning …

Published July 30, 2018 by tindertender

There were two young men, one brunette and one sandy haired. The first was of average height and stocky and the second, slender and tall, lanky. The first dark haired man was smitten with the girl, he wanted her for himself, yet she was smitten with the tall, lanky one, she chose to be with him.

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Photo by Pablo Heimplatz

When they were discovered together the stout, dark haired man was furious! He created a contract of taxation … he wanted 15 to 35% of everything they had, and everything they ever would have. She told him he was only upset because she chose the one over him, and she threw the document back at him, refusing to sign. There is NO price tag on Love. They took her fair haired lover away and they hurt him … keeping him from her, to this very day.

Jealousy has no honor. It is not pretty, or handsome, it cares not for others at all. It’s focus is on destruction of everything good. What does one do when they’ve been rejected? How do they deal with the hurt they feel? Is it not better to decide that the one they pined for actually is not the one suited for them and simply move on?

Heartache, heart break, one after another. Life will give it to us over and over again, it has, and we have experienced the truth of it. The root of it all is the jealousy of one man … and the whole world suffers for it. They said the woman ate the apple, but no, she chose love over being possessed … Gentleness over a prideful owner. And so the would be prideful owner has, for all of time, caused much suffering in the world.

Some say she should have allowed him to possess her, for the good of the whole, but if one is possessed and not allowed the freedom to love, then the love of the whole would be poisoned anyway, living false happiness while she suffered. Would anyone of honor, integrity, living in morality say they could actually be happy, knowing it possible only for the suffering of one?

If one is not free to love, are any actually, truly free?

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Photo by Bruce Hong

How to mend hearts? How can the originator of this whole mess be convinced there always has been one more suited to his being? Does he not know his twin flame waits? She too, most likely, has been suffering under this spell he has cast into the world. Jealousy closes the mind to the bigger picture, and the goodness that could be isn’t, because of it.

How can she facilitate healing? How can she free her love and open the clouds above, allowing the sun to shine on all hearts who suffer? How can she let the one who caused so much pain know that he, too, has one waiting for him, and how she, along with all others, has suffered due to his inability to see the bigger picture?

Rage closes the heart, room cannot be found for that which would fill and smooth the hurt. To be possessed by one who does not truly love is hell itself, and cannot be allowed. Yet from the beginning this has been the way of the world, following in the footsteps of the original man who became so insane he could not see past his emotion, noticing that he was lacking knowledge of the workings of the heart, perhaps too prideful to acknowledge it, if he did.

Woman did not cause the fall of the world. Jealousy of a man did. And still, to this day, wars are fought because men are not ‘getting their way’.

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Photo by JD Mason

Is it not time to begin again? Knowing what we know now, can we not find a better way, one in which allows healing and true love to exist?

Lust is not love. Lust wants to posses, and it is followed by pride. When the one possessed leaves or is freed, wars are fought and people die … this is the current reality, caused by the original event of shattered pride and need for possession and power over and of another.

All this time blame has been put on the head of that young woman, and women all over the world have carried this burden. All she ever wanted was to love, and to be loved. All she still wants is to love, and to be loved. She has been searching for it, for him, and he for her.

It seems they have come together, even though she did not understand what was happening. Her mind had been clouded by generations of programming, by the embedded emotion of fear and pain. Is it possible to heal this wound from so long ago and bring peace to all lives, shedding the doctrine imposed on humanity, breaking the spell?

A Different Kind Of Movement

Published March 9, 2018 by tindertender

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Many people assume the goal is the “rise above” suffering. Busily, they try to do this, struggling daily. So far, we can see pretty well that this doesn’t work.

Some say they are swimming in pain and they simply can’t get out. Well, here’s the deal, a connection to what assists in moving through it must be made.

A swimmer needs to find their fins, so to speak. A ‘walker’ must learn to balance on legs. An emotion surfer, a mover and a shaker, learns to end that perpetual sinking and swim, and walk, and fly through it, finding the other side. A skill like any other, and just as difficult to learn.

Don’t give up if you are thinking to. The traveling method you are learning now beats all else!

The Water Is Deep

Published February 2, 2018 by tindertender

When The Water is Too Deep

She found herself drowning, hard to breathe. It felt as though water had filled her lungs as it poured from her eyes and dripped from her nose. She couldn’t fathom where it was all coming from, she didn’t even care ~ she just wanted it to stop, to dry up.

The whole world sat atop her shoulders and she just could not carry it any longer … it was so heavy, it was crushing her. She crawled along the baseboard of the room, feeling her way to bed, for she could not see anymore.

Curled into a ball she begged for release and none was given. She must learn to rise above this, to surf this ocean of waves. How does one float when fear of water is present, how does one swim when strength was never built?

She takes a deep breath and wills her body to stop leaking, she insists her mind obey when she says Be Still. After a time all is silent, empty, dull and void ~ It is finally quiet.

She resolves herself to pick up the shattered craft that is her intellect, her peace. She will make it through this storm, and she will carry what remains of memory into the unknown, using it to assist her in endurance and patience, she will harness this pain and create compassion from it, for self … and for those who gifted her with it.

Determination grows stronger within her, her will increases … not in stubbornness, but in a sure capability to continue on.

The Challenge of Growing Pains

Published November 22, 2017 by tindertender

1000 times over there is demand to inform the world why these games are played out. Lives are at stake, they are being ended by this carelessness. There is no need to be loud or obnoxious to make it clear.

Growing pains

Life plus trauma, begets life plus trauma, it is everywhere and expansion is increasing. The pain must be observed, embraced, and consciously healed by each individual in order to reverse the flow of that which is damaging to the planet, and all possibility of a peaceful future.

It is challenging, it is frightening to revisit that which has caused so much pain, but if it is not dealt with, if people continue to stuff it and pretend it is not there, it will continue to manifest in very destructive ways, it will never heal, it will fester. We can see the truth of this in every day as we look around us and when we see into our own heart and mind.

The task of bringing healing to the earth is an arduous one, it is not meant for those who will not bring themselves to muster strength to face these things, however, ALL people have within them what it takes to do so. It is a choice, a decision which must be made on a personal level.

You’re either for growing pain, or for healing it.
What seeds are you planting for the future?

#couragemylove

Published October 21, 2017 by tindertender

Bird with key

Yesterday I got a message from someone
who told me they were raped at 7
And a woman who found out her husband
had another family
I got a message from a girl who said
her brother had touched her for 14 years
And a mother who confessed
she had beaten her daughter regularly
when she was just a baby

Tuesday I woke up to a photo
of someone’s severely undernourished body
asking me if she had to eat today
And my Instagram inbox was flooded
with excruciating pictures
of sliced up arms and inner thighs
and pleas dripping in agony
and unanswerable questions like
“why me, I can’t stop hurting”

People are in suffering
a lot
It blows me away
what we humans endure

What we face in our day to days
is often unspeakable
and so we push things deep

The challenge is
sometimes we forget
where we put things

Sometimes we forget
we got hurt
and didn’t feel

So in the busy
when something gets hit
when we get triggered
and we go down
we are not clear
how one little thing
can feel like the world is ending

I have been playing with this lately

When I get upset
I tend to quickly,
often carelessly
assume why

I will look around me
and assign something
or someone
to that feeling

Now…
This makes me feel better
at least temporarily
because, I think,
“now I know!”
But it’s often not accurate
And it certainly creates separation
when I am constantly
making everything
about something outside of me

It justifies itself
and then conveniently
I don’t have to look at myself
I don’t have to dig deep
Heck,
all I have to do
is fix the thing outside of me

But that hasn’t been working
not lately
And I think it’s mostly because
it’s me
just me
that’s freaking

And while yes, things are triggering me
the work isn’t so much
about changing everything around me
but looking at
what keeps getting hit
in me

Hard things happen
to most of us
at some point

We get wounded
And then we get to choose…

Do we spend a lifetime
wondering “why me”
feeling pity
Or do we learn to be okay
again
and again

It feels as simple
and challenging as that

And…
I am pretty sure
there is no gray zone here
there is no “kinda trying”

Healing takes commitment,
time and energy
And you either choose to see it through
Or you spend your life trying to manage
the world around you
so you know you will be okay
constantly fearing
the next shoe to drop
the next hand to slip
the next fracture
that will only confirm
what you are starting to believe is true…
There is no one as messed up
as you

If we all were actually open and honest
I think we would be shocked by
what is really going on
for most people
on the inside

I am lucky
I get access
a lot more than most

People share their deepest
darkest, tenderest secrets with me
daily

I am moved
regularly
by what I see, hear, read

And it reminds me
over and over and over again
that we all have
our silent sorrows

And it reinvigorates me
to do my work
to do the work to be
to be
with more
more easily

Because my rope
got frayed badly
these last few years
So even the slightest weight
or pull
has me questioning
if I can make it through
or if this time
my rope will break in two

And I am pretty sure
that all my bracing
isn’t helping

I have been noticing
how much I find myself
literally bracing often
My jaw instinctively clenched
my hands trembling slightly
my mind racing
searching for any indication
this isn’t going to be okay
that I am not going to be okay

And the worst part is
I know this isn’t effective
We will always find evidence
for what we focus on

Healing, I find, is a balance
A balance
between trusting
and listening

I think my fear has been
that if I am not careful
I will keep repeating
the same missteps
I will keep choosing
things that deeply hurt me
I will keep being disappointed
in me

And I genuinely feel
that I am touching tired
in a way that has me feeling
significantly less resiliency

So I get it…
I get why we get paralyzed
and freeze
I understand why we aren’t sure
if we want to try again

But I also see
nothing but suffering
when we decide
there is no hope for me

So while I cannot tell you
why something happened to you

And while you cannot go back in time
and change anything
You can choose
today and everyday
to never let
anyone
or anything
ever
reduce
you

You my friend
get to choose
Be un-reducible

❤️ Emily Joy Rosen

#couragemylove #justwakingup #healinghearts #secretkeepers

[o] Painting by: Christian Schloe

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