Story shared by Rich Walters, https://www.facebook.com/theRealRichWalters/
“I remember before I tried meth, I asked people what it was like. They said “it’s like a burst of energy, a rush that takes your breath, it’s the best feeling ever, I don’t know how to explain it really.’ And they were right, but now if someone were to ever ask me what it’s like, I would tell them..
‘It’s like spending every single penny you ever had, on drugs.
It’s like going days without eating even though you were starving, but you needed dope more.
It’s like having to lie to every family and friend you had ever had.
It’s like waking up hating yourself from the shame and guilt.
It’s like going into withdrawals every 8 hours unless you had more dope to do. (And you usually didn’t)
It’s like never attending any family event because you were too high or too sick.
It’s like everyone eventually stopped inviting you to events. And even talking to you.
It’s like crying yourself to sleep every single night because your children got taken.
It’s like knowing you have one more chance to get better before your child gets adopted and still choosing that bag.
It’s like asking others how your own blood child is doing.
It’s watching everyone around you succeed and yet you’re crumbling.
It’s like everything was on your drug dealers time. If they said five hours. You’ll wait five hours in a car.
It’s like stealing everything worth value for dope. No matter how sentimental it was to you, or someone else.
It’s like losing so much weight you can’t fit into any of your clothes.
It’s like losing everything you’ve ever owned in your entire life.
It’s like nobody believing a word you said, even if it was the truth.
It’s like being a prisoner inside your own head.
It’s like contemplating suicide every single day.
It’s like never being scared to die, because that’s what you wanted.
It’s like trying to shut your brain up for even five minutes. It was worth that little time of peace.
It’s like seeing your family cry for you to stop, only for you to leave and go get high. Because stopping wasn’t an option. It wasn’t possible.
It’s like you’d do absolutely anything for more. And you did.
It’s like everyone hating you no matter where you went, because they knew you were a drug addict.
You’ll miss out on your children and they’ll be grown before you Know it. You’d kill for your child and do any and everything for them yet you won’t be able to get clean for them and we actually turn out to be the ones who hurt them the most.
It’s like overdosing and going to get high right after.
It’s like walking into rehab 100 pounds with the clothes on your back and being scared to death.
It’s like giving your ENTIRE LIFE AWAY.
So if you’re ever curious like I was, please at least know the truth. CURIOSITY KILLED THE CAT, and it WILL KILL YOU TOO”
** Below, Added by me … learned through experience …
Even when you heal, they will still see you as that being who allowed this evil thing steal your mind, your body, and your soul. And they will insist you carry the shame if it, rather than embrace the new you, the new you that you fought long and hard for. The you, that everyone gave up on, except you. And you will have to face the fact they can no longer be in your world. Not because of addiction, because it is gone now. But because they cannot see you as anything other than the one who suffered, and caused suffering. Addiction is a very lonely, hard road. Because once you turn from those who claim to love you, their love becomes tainted, and will rarely be pure again. They will never see the new you, no matter how much time goes by in which you have poured every ounce of effort into a new and improved you. And so, they must be released, along with the shame and self loathing, because they will always expect you to embrace this shame and self loathing, and they will help you by soul punching you with their judgement, never ending judgement.
It is a true blessing when others who have healed, or helped others heal, share their truest compassion for you. When you were certain this life would be finished, walking solo all the rest of your days.
When we begin to support and foster healing and positive change in our life, being steadfast, true, showing Creator we are serious about living this life right (this will take time) … He will send you others who will share experience, compassion and care, which will facilitate continued growth and healing … at which point your own journey will help facilitate healing in others, as well.
Don’t ever give up on you.