Why are you searching? It would be helpful if I knew what you were looking for. Why are you intent on finding someone with ‘strength’ and what makes you think I have it?
In this current system of patriarchy it is obvious all of the important positions are held my males. They gather behind closed doors to determine how they should approach the needs of women and their healthcare … everything to do with their wellness, and not one woman is permitted to join them and offer input. Even the majority of you who are presently speaking are male. Why would you ever think I would have the answers you need? Why would you ever think I would offer them to you if I did have them?
Considering you rarely behave in a manner which shows you believe me equal, or even worthy of one on one conversation, I’m left puzzled, and defiant. Your unwillingness to explain leaves me no alternative but rebellion, even though my heart yearns for peace.
You must be barking up the wrong tree. It’s the way ‘they’ve’ wanted it, it’s the way you’ve wanted it. It is apparent there is no room, no place for me in all of this, so I will forge my own path, continuously.
I need no approval, I need no permission. It is the way I want it … and so it is. No one must have taught you proper manners. Understandably, being beyond time you do not require rest … but I do, and the fact that you refuse to be silent during this time leaves me to conclude you have no respect or care for my needs.
The flow to and from is not what I believe it ought to be, but apparently it is what you think it should be … otherwise you’d find a different way.
I’m tired. Tired of fighting. This life has been manipulated. Gentleness has been attacked and self-defense forced, but still I’d rather dwell in peace, regardless of obstacles or abuse … in the depths of me lives joy and peace and care.
I suppose this is the heart of most women in this world. The gentle ones. The nurturers. The bearers of life. The glue which has held together the home, even when chaos filled it. She balances and makes bearable nearly every situation.
Yet here you are, determining the worth of this one, or that one … or me. I have no use for it. Simple. You should look elsewhere, for you probably won’t want to be here … in the near future.
You cannot force anyone to give you trust, love, assistance or care … especially when you seem to be incapable of the same.
Destroyer … this world will heal, and so will life. It will flow like a fresh running river, softly lapping the edges of the earth, bringing beautiful sound and harmony across the planet. It will be nourished, and it will nourish. It will mend all of the privileges taken without complete permissions, and it will ease the trouble such transgression has brought.
As much as I would like to convince myself your intentions are pure, the situation is stark, completely in contrast with peace, with harmony. I will not lie to myself to gratify your needs.
It appears as though the remainder of my life will be spent in opposition to you. I cannot say what happens after, and I am glad. For all of the times you have stated, “She has no idea what is going to happen to her” I can honestly say you are correct, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Threats? Keep them. Chaos? It is yours. All that you give is not mine and I will not accept it. Take it. It belongs to you.
I foresee a time when all you have dished out into this world will return to you. It will be quite terrible, for it will return at once, not in ‘spurts’ as you have dolled it. Although I am sorry for you, I do not pity you … for this has been your choice. I wish it were different, I really do, for even you I would not like to see suffer.
Since I am no psychic and cannot see the future, or timelines of coming events, I can only hypothesize … theorize … and hope that the dream of world peace will become reality.
May fear be reduced to the rubble under foot, may greed and need for domination follow suit. May there be enough for all, and may joy, care, compassion and love return, in full, to the hearts and minds of ALL sentient beings.
This may include you … or it may not. What do you choose?