Summer of 2002 came and went and from that time to now has been a battle to claim the life I had ‘before’. Now, so near to it once more, I ask myself seriously, “What was life like ‘before’?
Subtle … trauma after trauma, events which crushed the spirit, time after time. Three and a half decades of this and a spiral into darkness, coming to the conclusion I had lost faith in humanity. Then, change … drastic change. Change which was manipulative, yet in a different way than previously experienced. Naive, I didn’t fight it … at first. Nearly two decades later and a little more sense can be made of it, or so it seems.
Humans, our minds are so pliable. From nearly day one we are taught to follow suggestions, or direction. Opinions, suspicions, beliefs, and fears of others are weaved into our persona, it is done by other humans we see, and influencers outside of time.
Many people go through life thinking of their “guardian angel” and relatives and pets who have transitioned. They believe God has given each of us a guide, a protector, and a comforter in our times of need. I am one of those people. Awareness has been given that there are others who do not have our best interests in mind.
The mind cannot be silenced by ‘willing’ it to be. Training takes place to remain calm while many thoughts flow, becoming the observer only, just watching the thoughts. Bed time is a perfect example for prime time to practice. When the discharge of many thoughts refuses to end its flow, a deep breathing must begin, focused on the in-breath and the out-breath. Soon the nervous system calms and relaxation occurs making sleep possible.
This is very good practice. You can’t call it ‘mind over matter’ for the mind was chaos made still, by focused, conscious effort to slow the entire system. Does this mean then that it is ‘matter over mind’? I think that is an obvious NO. Well then, it must be ‘conscious and aware effort, or allowing, over mind’.
We see then that ‘mind over matter’ is topped and surpassed by ‘conscious and aware application over mind’.
What is the source of this application used to still the mind? What portion of life which I currently call mine is capable of observing the chaos of mind and then altering it, as it flits from one thought form to the next? It resides ‘outside’ of mind, or ‘thought’ … it simply IS.
Back to the original topic … what began in this life as a hidden (yet obvious) disruption of happiness, then became an open attack on the very fabric of existence. The latter was believed to be 1,000 times worse than anything experienced before. But just now I look at it from the present moment, and I see they are the same … in the beginning it felt real bad and no explanation could be given for it, later explanation seemed obvious, but now …
Is it even possible to experience evil, followed by a lesser evil? Or is it simply the same, just with varying characteristics? It could be that one portion determined to orchestrate and manipulate a circumstance for a desired outcome. It could be a portion broke away, not really wanting to go there, but these ‘methods’ of making things happen are all they know, not aware fully that it is still same-o, same-o.
One would not call a dog a cat, but if both had rabies and wanted to suck on a jugular, both would need to be put down. A plum would not be called a pear unless the two were spliced together to create a hybrid, which cannot be replicated through seed, for it is not ‘natural’.
I guess what I’m saying is that opposites seem to be necessary (I can theorize it is for full experience of diversity) and when things are made to be the same, or meshed, or joined together via disease, or force, or some weird scientific experiment … it just isn’t going to be successful in the long run.
As a younger person, full of power the body’s composition is blessed with, the forces of the world can knock a soul for a loop and it may not be understood what happened. Later, when it seems to be obvious, the only questions are, “What is evil, what is good, who is for, who is against, and why.”
There may never be enough time to know. Especially if no effort is made to gather ‘intel’, in all fields, in all relationships, in all experiences, including those of ones own heart and mind.
Given that time is quickening, there isn’t time to waste.