Torn …

Published October 6, 2018 by tindertender

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My love has been trampled, my life and the life of my children abused. Yet still, I listen to and have compassion for the one responsible for much of it. He says to me these days, “You used to listen to me.” Yes, I did. I used to trust him, and then I experienced his true self. As he called me selfish, he behaved in that manner, deflecting the action(s) onto me.

While he calls Dr. Ford harsh names, spewing spittle from his mouth and snarling as he does, I cannot help to wonder what he will think when he passes from body. Will he become aware of the wrongs he has done? Will he take responsibility for his portion of pain in this world?

Currently so many people refuse to own their part of the whole. They look at themselves as successful, righteous, and fair. The changes they have taken part in … the coercion, the judgement of others … it has never even occurred to them that somehow they may have had a hand in a painful outcome, they are too busy laying blame elsewhere while they don their hats of superiority.

I mentioned to the room of guides and spirits, “He will know some day” and in return, “Someday soon”. It is so strange that through it all I still have love and compassion for this relationship, and others. I honestly don’t think people are aware of what they do, for they are too busy looking outside themselves, blaming others, than taking a good hard look at themselves. Maybe because it hurts to do so … I don’t know.

This country is anything but united. Men vs women, skin color separation, ethnicity differences, religious practices, awareness and sharing and refusal and demoralization by those who cannot see.

Children, animals, and others who do not wish to fight are abused every single day.

I will never lay down and pretend to be weak. I will never think it is okay for someone to stomp on another persons right to freedom of choice. Too many think they have the authority to tell a woman what to wear, what to say or not to say, what work to do, or not to do. They mistreat her as she brings new life into this world, they beat her physically and emotionally and they think this is acceptable.

Even towards those who have caused me pain I still find the love I had originally. I hope that when the time comes for them to experience what they unleashed onto others lives  it will not be as painful as the original experience, for all at once, this will be unbearable. I know what is coming even while they refuse to believe.

I look into my life and I wonder about my actions … how did my words and motivations affect those who took part in this life? I would like to break it down, understand it, and try to make it right before I leave this body, for afterward, there will not be that opportunity.

 

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