I’ve been asking my loneliness, anger, grief, and physical pain what they are trying to convey.
I ask them, “What do you want me to know?”
As I look within, the pain begins to lessen.
I drop deep into my being like a ride on a long water slide, and allow myself to be taken there, with no control. Finally, I plunge into the deep waters of me.
Ancient information is revealed and the answers of what to do next are there, too. The poison and the medicine grow together, simultaneously.
When I was in Mexico, a Mayan medicine man showed me and two others around the jungle. He told us about the plants and what they are good for.
The most poisonous tree grows right next to its antidote. This fascinated me to no end! The Chechem and Chaka trees are connected at the roots. If a human is exposed to the poisonous sap of one, the bark of the other is the antidote.
Like the Chechem and Chaka trees, when I experience poison in my life, the antidote is growing right next to it, roots entwined.
When I acknowledge it (whatever is asking to be seen), I am simultaneously allowing for healing. The antidote is entwined in the pain.
Once that poison is addressed and healed, I notice there is room for my path and purpose to expand into the place that the poison held for so long. From there, it feels like ease.
Now there is a void where the poison was removed. What now? Everything in my being wants to put something there. It’s the natural way of the Universe after all, it abhors a void.
A black hole will do everything in its power to fill itself. Its vacuum becomes stronger and stronger until something fills it. It sucks entire galaxies into its field in a sort of cosmic hungry ghost way, never to be satiated.
My experience tells me to pause. Be discerning. Wait. Ask my Higher Self what it wants.
If I resist the strong pull to put a person, an activity, a substance there, in that newly vacant place, something beautiful happens.
I feel…Empowered. No longer a victim of my world.
I feel whole instead of my gaping hole of a wound. I feel stronger, more confident, less interested in what others think of me. I discover who I really am and what my purpose is on this Earth.
For me, It is so much easier to blame others or make others responsible for my pain and happiness. What I am finding is that there are creative MyStories bursting forth and they are ready to be expressed. My creativity is blooming again.
Lemme tell you, it’s a mutherfucker getting there, but if you can trust the people who have gone before you and know they survived…you will, too. It’s sssooooo fucking worth it.
I love you. A bunch.
Desiree LoveAll Rudder