Personal Boundaries

Published September 14, 2018 by tindertender

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Photo by Nathaniel Flowers

Childhood teaches us to behave in a certain manner. How often we allow our own personal thoughts and ideas to be superseded by others … it is trained behavior.

Some of us do not live long enough to come to this realization. Sometimes the fact that our inner voice becomes just that, inner, is when identity becomes lost, or skewed. Trying to please those around us all of the time, it can be noted that the one we will spend the rest of our lives with (our self) loses the battle, and is shoved into a closet while the world on the outside is catered to.

What are your boundaries? Those created through training from others are only habits, a practiced manner of being. Habits are meant to be broken, especially if they do not honor self.

I had an experience with a friend recently, a friend I love dearly. I’m still trying to figure out if I’m overly sensitive (a story fed me day after day in youth) or if my reaction and response to certain things is warranted. I tell myself I would not have had a reaction at all if there were nothing wrong. Yet at the same time, miscommunication, or lack of it, is often the culprit behind misunderstandings.

Our language is so complex. There are many ‘short-hand’ ways of speaking to each other, but to one who is learning the language, it may be quite confusing. (No reference whatsoever to my friend). I have been told by some that the way we speak leaves out much detail of what is really happening in our mind, therefore the listener cannot possibly understand properly, no fault of their own.

It is easier to walk away from someone than to try and hash out misconceptions. Old triggers, once flipped, can shut doors for a lifetime … indeed have already shut many doors. How can doors be opened if speech is so frivolously tossed about?

This may be the cause of many of the issues we face in the world today. For all the schooling we’ve received there is a profound lack in the ability to be clear with one another, as adults, speaking exactly what we mean.

Boundaries … it could be that triggers get flipped and life goes on, simply bringing to our attention a wound, or lack of thought going into a process, allowing us to try to do it better next time around … and there will always be a next time … faces may change, but situations will come ’round again.

If we find a friend who is willing to work with us as we delve deep to unravel those strings and unhinge the hooks which keep us trapped in hurtful scenarios, then we ought to hold onto them … should they wish to hang around, doing their own work, reciprocating healing to old stories.

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