It never ceases to amaze me how my defenses stir, even when there is really no reason for it. First defense, then embarrassment and a desire to close the self down to certain situations. As I notice these energies in my mind and body I find that there is a shift, quickly from one to the other, even to something like shame … which is weird.
When intention to share stems from a beautiful and loving space of the heart and finds itself faced with different formats … I hesitate to call it rules and regulations … but different structures, a feeling of not belonging, of being out of place, of separateness arises, even when the differences are subtle.
Here I thought I was doing quite well, yet this experience teaches me that in order to move forward I must allow myself to be exposed, and be open to learning new things without judgement. It is true, we are our own worst critic (although some would deny this). I am happy these emotions have shown themselves, for this allows me to further my personal work.
Remaining open can be quite difficult when the instinct is to shut down, turn tail and run. It is really a very interesting thing that is happening in my mind, so I’ll observe it and work with it and see where it leads.