There Is A Coldness In My Heart

Published March 5, 2018 by tindertender

Cold Heart… It was fostered in the past by others. I’ve lost the ability to sympathize with people who deliberately do things to compromise their lives, who do not try to help themselves. I suppose this comes from having received the same … I wish it were different. I try to foster empathy and compassion and give it freely, however I balk and recoil from attempts to manipulate my emotions. I have decided to take a stand on that front and just say no … no more will my emotions be tossed and turned like a salad by anyone.

While I care deeply and wish well for all, in reality people must help themselves, or at least try. In trying comes a willingness to assist, but if people know what they do, and then suffer for their choices, well … I suppose this is the lesson they must learn ~ Just as I did, just as I currently am still.

Shiny HeartSo my focus is spent on what can I do to improve my life and my connection to spirit. This effort takes all the energy I can muster, and although it may seem like I am being selfish and stingy, it is a survival skill in motion. Spreading of this energy to a situation which cannot be helped is only robbing myself, and a waste.

Sound cold? Yes … it does. Is it true? Currently, for me, yes.

As I try to nurture this shiny heart that was original in my chest, to grow it and heal it, I find it difficult at times, especially when confronted with any type of manipulation attempt. As soon as I discover it, I tend to shut down, and move on. There is a thin line …

tearsSome things are addictive and once started, very hard to escape. Some things are intentionally done to cause a situation to gain pity, or, it appears to be … At any rate, perhaps it is best that I remain alone … for my brutal honesty tends to hurt folks. Or maybe it is this cold heart that was formed by my past … whatever it is, it’s best avoided by those seeking gain, for I haven’t much to give it seems.

It would be nice to be loved for loves sake, and to love for loves sake … dropping all of the mind games and just being with each other. Sadly, many are so well practiced in the latter, it does not seem possible.

“Don’t play me.”

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