… It was fostered in the past by others. I’ve lost the ability to sympathize with people who deliberately do things to compromise their lives, who do not try to help themselves. I suppose this comes from having received the same … I wish it were different. I try to foster empathy and compassion and give it freely, however I balk and recoil from attempts to manipulate my emotions. I have decided to take a stand on that front and just say no … no more will my emotions be tossed and turned like a salad by anyone.
While I care deeply and wish well for all, in reality people must help themselves, or at least try. In trying comes a willingness to assist, but if people know what they do, and then suffer for their choices, well … I suppose this is the lesson they must learn ~ Just as I did, just as I currently am still.
So my focus is spent on what can I do to improve my life and my connection to spirit. This effort takes all the energy I can muster, and although it may seem like I am being selfish and stingy, it is a survival skill in motion. Spreading of this energy to a situation which cannot be helped is only robbing myself, and a waste.
Sound cold? Yes … it does. Is it true? Currently, for me, yes.
As I try to nurture this shiny heart that was original in my chest, to grow it and heal it, I find it difficult at times, especially when confronted with any type of manipulation attempt. As soon as I discover it, I tend to shut down, and move on. There is a thin line …
Some things are addictive and once started, very hard to escape. Some things are intentionally done to cause a situation to gain pity, or, it appears to be … At any rate, perhaps it is best that I remain alone … for my brutal honesty tends to hurt folks. Or maybe it is this cold heart that was formed by my past … whatever it is, it’s best avoided by those seeking gain, for I haven’t much to give it seems.
It would be nice to be loved for loves sake, and to love for loves sake … dropping all of the mind games and just being with each other. Sadly, many are so well practiced in the latter, it does not seem possible.
“Don’t play me.”