I Thought I Knew …

Published February 4, 2018 by tindertender

scattered mind
I lay here, mind spinning, wondering if this is all there is. Why is it that everything which starts out so beautiful ends so crappy? It seems everything does. Bonds created where love was shared deeply would be broken, even shattered, every time. How is one able to maintain a sense of personal value when they are continually left behind?

I find that this life is easier lived as a solo human being. Sure, there are others here, but my heart is worn very close and it doesn’t travel far any more. As a fairly young woman (still), I am disturbed by this at times, but I keep coming back to the fact that this is MY time. Time for me to heal before I exit this journey … I wonder if healing is even possible.

I thought I knew what it was about, yet I now acknowledge I do not. The truth is, there is so much more to life than I knew, it blows my mind and makes for a very intimidating and confusing situation. I continue to bounce between acceptance of this and denial of it … an embracing of the truth of it, and a need to swim to surface and just float there, ignoring the depth of what is.

Some times I cry and feel like life is creating victims of us all, over and over again. So much pain has been inflicted on the masses … someone must be gleefully proud of themselves as we humans swim in this mess. Again I bounce to the polar end of this spectrum and am determined to live each moment to the best of my ability, practicing to emit peace into the world ~ surrounded by suffering.

Examine What You TolerateI rise from my chair and retrieve a 7 watt light bulb for my salt lamp. I am hoping the stronger light will generate more negative ions in my room. I just need things to calm the heck down. Purchase of another salt lamp is on the horizon, along with an indoor water fountain … or two.

I intend to do all I can in order to alleviate this electromagnetic radiation. “Exposure to high levels of nonionizing energy, such as radio wave frequencies, can damage the structure and function of the nervous system.”  From breaking strands of DNA in the brain, to inducing panic, disorientation and deep fear, as well as causing seizures and death, this is not something to be taken lightly.

There was once a time where one could just “Cowgirl Up” and move on, and still this is the case, however the effort to do just that must be intensified if one is to be successful. There is so much more happening now, and the affect it is having on our bodies, our brains, hasn’t really been studied that long … the findings that have been concluded are hidden from us by the majority.

As I observe chaos in the streets I try to remember who I am, yet I realize I never actually knew, not in ‘time’ anyhow … perhaps before time …

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