Energies are strong, pulling at me, and I find tears in my eyes frequently. Like the tides of the sea the water within me is being called.
Boundless … everything seems to be falling apart. I do what I can to prepare, unfortunately I do not know what needs to be done. So I guess, and I plan, and I think constantly what would I do, should I need to take an immediate action.
I am told everything is great. I have a nice place to live, I have a great job, I have no ties really. I can do what I want for the most part. Yet what I want is scoffed at and I am called names that aren’t flattering when I mention it.
I am told my concern is unwarranted.
I wonder, as I always have .. is it just me? Am I the one who does not see clearly? Why is it that once again I am feeling like the black sheep? It is pretty severe, I do not fit in.
Again I am made to feel that somehow I am responsible for the views others have of me, most of them negative. I am told time and again that I need to ‘play the game’ … I have never been any good at that, and I do not see the point of game playing. In fact I find the thought ridiculous and repulsive.
I wait. I hope I am doing necessary things that will be beneficial when the time comes for action.
I want to believe everything will be fine. Oh … I really do. I want so much to believe that all is as it should be and will be bright and sunny some day, without pain and suffering for anyone.
Life has knocked me down so many times, it is hard to have faith in humanity. I see all that is happening and I have doubts as to the goodness of people. I think on my own life history, my own past actions, and I wonder if what I see is why no one sticks around.
Surely there must be goodness in all people, buried deep within their heart and mind and soul. Surely the goodness I believe is within me is there, only forgotten for a time.
I wonder if I am the only one who spins these thoughts in the mind as the weaver does with a fine thread. What will I wind up with when all thoughts have been spun?