Words flowing without much thought

Published June 3, 2016 by tindertender

Sitting here I think about my mother. I know she’s quite upset with me. There isn’t a whole lot I can do about that. I do not believe she considers my age, and how many years I have been the Queen of my Roost. Certain things cannot be tolerated or accepted … I am sad, as she is as head strong as I, and it would be destructive should we attempt to live together. She was here for 2 days, and already the feelings are hurt. I can only imagine what it would be like should we actually live together full time. I hope she’ll forgive me for having rules. Strange … when young and every time I visited her house, she had rules. Now I have a house, and I have rules, and she really dislikes it.

My family is not as close as some families. My husbands family is very close. I enjoy that about them, and felt fortunate to be part of that when we married. I do not know the future.

I wish I had a dvd player. It is strange as we had two, I believe, in the other house. I’m not clear what happened to them. Also, there was a dvd player that went to the computer but could also be used for the tv. I do not know where that is either. Of course, unpacking came to a halt when I was in the accident.

It is hot today. I haven’t done a single thing except unwind the dogs from their messy entanglement once in awhile. They are worn out. Snowy is in her chair, but my Toby went to bed. He likes it in there, the windows are open, there’s a breeze, and the bed is comfy. They’ll be surprised to see their dad this weekend.

It seems funny that after two days of blogging I seem to have run out of things to say. Odd as that may be, I still try.

I must be careful with this medicine from the doctor. Pain medication can mess up the mind. Especially when not doing anything or occupying the mind with external events or discussions.

I wish.
I should go outside and check the mail.
I have a headache.
I’m waiting for a response from my husband.
I’m wondering if I should fix dinner or wait.
Perhaps if I pose the question as such, he’ll respond.
It’s hard when I don’t know if I am sad, or glad, or accepting …
I, again I say, I do not know the future.
Sometimes I wish I could sleep all day, like my pooches.

So much has happened all at once I am baffled and a little confused. Nobody really knows the extreme change that has happened, they are not living it. Therefore they cannot fully understand it. I accept that, and I wish for it to be different. Only time can heal this though. There is still a big shocker coming for one I care deeply for. Understanding and acceptance does not come easy for some, so yes, shock will occur. And judgement. And I will need to try to stay calm, and separate from this emotion. Oh how difficult will that be!

I am sad that my father is cold hearted. I am sad that my mother wishes to make her rules here, and is upset when I say no. Consideration for my dwelling and space isn’t there, I wish to live in peace more than anything. I am sad … period … maybe I’m depressed. But there I go again with the I, I, I thing.

I wish it were dark so I could light the candles and be in their light, flickering, incense burning.

I do not know why my husband is coming. Perhaps he is missing things and wants to pick them up? Perhaps it is just to sign the papers I need him to sign. Perhaps it is to see the changes the house has gone through since he left. Maybe he wants to see if he misses me. I do not know. I believe this to be part of my issue with confusion.

I don’t want games. I either want to mend, or end this.

So the Pacific NW is gearing up for the tsunami catastrophe. I hope my location is good for this. I guess I’ll find out.

This is what my husband hears when he is here. He calls it babbling. Most people hang up the phone, find something they need to do, or leave. Here though, you have the choice to read, or not. I still get to say what I have on my mind, and I do not know if you have anything negative or positive to say, or are thinking. Unless you tell me. Which it seems mostly many do not. Which is good. I can still jabber and not feel bad.

For now though I will end this blog. It does seem to be dragging on and on.

And Yes, I Am Wonder Woman!

 

 

 

9 comments on “Words flowing without much thought

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    Liked by 1 person

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